Moving vinyl records
1. Since the records in the milk crate are heavy enough to set off the sensor in the passenger seat, you have to buckle them up to stop the car from making that buckle-your-seat-belt noise (which changes from 'what a helpful reminder' to 'fucking stop, I get it, ok?' despite the actual tone remaining the same).
2. Instead of saying "Are you fucking kidding me? With this shit?" or "Motherfucker!" and so on, I opted for a more life coach-oriented approach to the morning traffic.
3. "Is this really what you want to do with your life? Drive slow? You want to spend all of your time in your car, when you can be out doing more productive things?"
4. To be fair to them, I drive like an asshole.
5. To be fair to me, everyone drives like an asshole.