And it is over. This week long Sunday, it’s over. I always hate it, it’s a week to be aimless and timeless and makes me think too much and reflect too much. Makes me feel bad.
And yet. This time I felt it calm, at peace, in some way happy. Cleaning around the house, declutterring my phone, making a full calendar instead of my tiny usual one, writing down my watchlist to keep in check and thinking about my goals and what I want this year. I’ve never done this or felt this at ease setting goals and trying to clean up my act.
That’s because for the past couple of years I have been in, what I think was a deep depression (but no official diagnosis) and felt it wasn’t worth it to do any of these things or had the energy to do any of this stuff.
And in retrospective, I went to a Music Festival in the middle of December, I had a pretty fun and moved year but I still felt the pull of the apathy and the uncaring, up until that day. That day was stressful and weird, going to another city on my own on a cab basically, it’s just something I wouldn’t do. My country it’s not the safest but still I wanted to go and I did, met up with some friends, we exchanged gifts (they got me gifts! These peeps I barely know but still I love) and had the best time ever.
Everything was above and beyond my expectations, it help I didn’t have any but still. Every artists was amazing, even the ones I didn’t personally liked were impressive. The vibes, the people, singing at the top of my lungs songs I barely remember but still feeling them through.
When all was said and done, in the way back to my house I realized something. I could see the clouds, I could see their shapes and see figures in them. It felt like opening my eyes for the first time in a such a long time. That weekend revived something in me, my chest is not filled with anger or heat, it’s filled with peace and happiness and it feels that way every time I recall any memory of that weekend.
Please go out with your friends, it may not kick you out of the depression pit you are in but who knows maybe it will and it will be worth it.
Have an amazing year, you deserve it.
Commander moving, signing off.
