#cuteboyposting

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

im sure i speak for all of us when i say you gushing about The Guy makes me so goddamned happy i could burst

we believe in you!! make it happen!!

kdkskjfjshdh ty anon you will be pleased to know that i opened this app to tell you i got his number!!! it only took me 5 days and a lot of chickening out (not to mention the Tea Incident?????? not sure if i posted that yet) but im so excited this isnt going horribly i literally cannot stop thinking abt him and i really fucking hope hes not straight

also funny story some of our coworkers are starting to catch on to my Big Gay Crush, nobodys said anything to him to my knowledge but my one work friend keeps giving me The Look whenever i mention him or like talk to him (and also lowkey called me out for liking him in front of him twice but its ok hes so dense he didnt notice) and its so fucking funny. at least we all get along well enough that this will be fine if hes straight and it will just be a funny thing we laugh about down the line. but also!! found out hes 100% confirmed Single TM today so if he likes guys i may ask him out lmao

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

i think i have to tell him i like him or i'm going to implode hit me with some Advice in case i still think this is a good idea when i wake up tomorrow. idea is currently write him a lil note and give it to him friday before we both leave but also i wanna see his reaction in person but also im absolutely not telling him at work for obvious reasons but also idk how to get him outside of work except on friday bc we both get off at 3 and i can ask if he wants to get tea again but then i should have the note as a backup plan right

uhhhh help

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

he's straight

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

ok so as cute as this boy is, as well as we get along in person, and as much as i think there's a possibility that he's into me, he is the WORST texter i have ever met besides my sister lmao. after drunk texting me on friday he didnt respond to any of my memes until today (tuesday) so yesterday i subtly called him out for it and it went like this:

me: hey have i sent u the radio announcer tweet

him: uhhh maybe idk i think i saw something abt the radio but i havent opened it yet i'll check after work

me: oh lmao haha i do that all the time bad texters unite!! also maybe i didnt even send it haha (knowing full well i did)

him: i promise i dont hate you im just... socially awkward *visibly slightly anxious*

me: lmao mood like i said i might not have even sent it and just saved it after going "hey i should send this to [his name]

apparently he sees messages when doing other things and forgets to open them. which is a mood. and it still took him an additional day to text me back but its ok bc we vibe in person and i can only expect so much but also im very into him and i wanna talk to him all the time 😂 can't wait to maybe take him to that concert after work next week or see him in general im so gay

also realizing ive never had like. convos abt texting habits with most of my friends. nothing beyond me griping about always initiating but usually idgaf bc im a simple man, i see memes or animals and i send. so its curious that he jumped right to "i promise i dont hate you" bc how did he know my anxiety says that all the time?? also that means he cares. does he care in a friend way or a gay way? but he cares about me and that makes me happy. i have also asked if hes gotten something from me at least once before bc im annoying like that. just wanna talk abt memes w my friends lol. and my brain is still like "what if he hates me" even tho he literally said "i promise i don't hate you" and i can tell he meant it. mental illness is fantastic

i think that's all of my thoughts now i need to finish getting ready to go to friends house

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

ok here i am with the latest updates of boy.

- he went out of town this past weekend. he wasn't originally going to, his dad kind of dropped a family vacation on him. he sent me a picture (unprompted btw) of the Middle of Nowhere and he is in fact correct there is Nothing there

- two of his friends from high school came to visit this weekend. one of his roommates is also a friend from high school who came to the same university so they've been hanging out with said roommate.

- i was working my usual sunday shift and saw a group of three people who looked vaguely familiar to me at first but then half a second later i realize that i am looking at his roommate and his two friends from out of town who i know by first and last name because they're in like six of his eight (8) instagram posts i literally looked at them and said "they look really familiar" to my coworker (they definitely didnt hear me it was loud af in there, they were 8 feet away, and i mumbled) and then i was like "oh shit i figured it out i recognize them from instagram stalking the guy i like" without telling her said guy is one of our coworkers lmfao i just thought she'd get a kick out of that

but wait there's more

his roommate and one of the friends from out of town were peering over the counter, like they were looking for something. they were looking in my direction. i made eye contact with his roommate. they were talking about something. hopefully not about how weird i was lol, i did squint at them a bit while i was trying to figure out why they looked familiar to me but i didn't stare lol. i was making sandwiches at light speed i didn't have time to stare lmfao

ok now let's unpack

i know damn well they weren't looking for him because they KNOW he was out of town, they were staying at his place without him. of course they could just be looking around, trying to get a sense of where he works. our workplace is also a local staple, like people are like "oh you're going to [city?] you HAVE to eat at [restaurant] while you're there" kind of thing. so that could explain the out-of-town friends' behaviors. but the roommate was doing most of the peering over the counter and he's definitely been there before to visit him at work. so what were they all looking for?

...or who? i mean. they were looking in my direction or even at me for quite a while. if they have been told anything about me it would be in the context of us being coworkers. it's also easy to like, describe me to people. all you need to say is "blue hair" to identify me lmao.

so basically i'm wondering if he talks about me outside of work like i talk about him. and also this makes everyone i've told think that he does. and not in a bad way.

sooooooo what do yall think lmao my coworker who also likes him said theres a solid chance hes into me (and also gave me permission to shoot my shot bc as i said before we're both rooting for each other and he doesn't seem to be into her as anything other than friends) so like. do i shoot my shot or

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

ok so here is the very likely end of the saga of cuteboyposting

- i went to a party last night, first one ive been to since before covid and im still nervous about being around lots of people but i really fucking missed my friend who was hosting it and im starting to feel like a shut in so i went. might as well get all of my social interaction out of my system before college shuts down again right

- he suggested i invite cute boy so i did, said he'd try to come but it was a walk and he wanted to try bars first

- he was also crossfaded as fuck and was slowly getting less coherent texting me which was funny

- i told him id never been to any of the bars bc i turned 21 during the pandemic and also just like who would i go with my friends are not bar people (and neither am i but im trying to hang out with him you see)

- he suggested that we go sometime and be each other's wingmen

- took 20 mins trying to decide what to reply and didnt actually reply just deflated in my seat

- he then texted me to let me know he was on his way

- i decide im getting drunk tonight after all

- he shows up and hugs me

- my friend who was hosting straight up asked what his sexual orientation was (it fit in the conversation) and he said word for word that he is "straight as fuck"

- i thank him for being the only tolerable straight person i know and also tell him hes my favorite straight person (he laughs)

- my friend who also likes him shows up and my first words to her are "your move"

- we hide in the kitchen bc we cant watch him chat up this random girl and shes mad bc she thinks he led me on

- i dont think he led me on i think i just need to stop simping for anyone who thinks im interesting bc im an attention whore and also very lonely

- but he did give a lot of mixed signals which i also dont think was his fault bc theres no way he knew he was giving mixed signals

- i go to leave and he bro hugs me like 20 times and reiterates being each others wingmen and im like "bruh how" and hes like "just tell the ladies how cool i am" theres no fucking way hes not blackout drunk but there is apparently a fucking way that he is this STUPID how do you not hear me telepathically yelling "if you were saying anything else this would be when i kiss you right"

- i say bye to my other friends and they hug me

- i drive* around at Way Higher Than The Speed Limit blasting emo music and screaming the lyrics for half an hour

*im sober enough to drive at this point this is 2 hours after beer chugging and busch lite is shitty so it was ok i was not driving drunk

- i go to bed; i work an 8 hour shift; i come home and finally get to cry

so there ya have it i dont know what i expected

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

i don't think yall understand how neat it is that i have Emotions and im just allowing myself to yearn freely on the internet and irl like. my mother beat into me that me being attracted to anyone at all was shameful and also just couldn't admit to being queerphobic when i was in high school and made her disdain for anyone i brought home about their age instead (literally 1-2 years difference btw just call chris hansen on me already smh) and also pointedly kept me away from children so apparently i had a lot of internalized homophobia from her specifically yay!! so now that we've gone over that in therapy im Mad About It so like im just letting myself think All The Thoughts and aggressively hammering away the ones that are like "ur gross" bc now i know where they come from and i can do something about it and just like. thinking about how much i want to kiss him and hold his hand and cuddle with him. its really nice.

<<i passed out while writing this last night but im finishing it now bc im just really into him and really happy that im finally able to just let myself feel that

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

i am drunk and really wanna kiss him help