we fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds (post 2x12 nace fic)
author : acesdrxw (find me on ao3 here)
fandom : nancy x ace (nace) from cw's nancy drew
word count : 1027 words
tags : angst hehe it's all just gut-wrenching angst lmao (but cathartic bc confrontation)
warnings : none
premise : nancy confronts ace after picking up on how off he'd been with her since his almost death at the paper-mill
Ace wasn’t ready to go home yet.
Watching his dad lose a part of his heart to regret after he’d met Grant, almost dying, gaining and losing a brother all in a 16-hour window had left a heavy weight on him, constricting his ribcage and tying knots onto his spine. The dread he felt at having to process all of it for himself and then having to talk to his father about it, having to come to terms that he’d mostly never get to see Grant again – his big brother, his only brother – had heavily worn him down in the brief time he’d had to hold onto all of it.
He took a deep breath, trying to quell inevitable tears as he sat on the bench in the Claw’s storeroom. He didn’t even realise Nancy had walked in until she spoke up behind him.
‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’
He took a second and composed himself before he turned to face her. She looked uncharacteristically apprehensive, and he didn’t necessarily blame her. Something about the two of them had shifted and it was unfailingly and uncomfortably evident.
‘Hurt me? Nancy people could die because of me, they’re the ones who could get hurt.’
It was difficult for Ace to keep an even tone, so he stood up to steady himself a little more. ‘Do we even know for sure that he didn’t send out the list of names to anyone? Was it really the best decision to even have taken that chance? And God Nancy, how did you even know Celia would do what you asked her? I just-’
Ace stopped himself, unwilling to say anything he would regret.
‘It wasn’t a favour, it was a deal.’ She replied.
‘What?’
She took her turn to ready herself with a shaky breath, worrying Ace more than anything. ‘Celia asked that I change my statement against Everett in court in return for catching Daniel West and keeping you safe.’ She said, looking away from him. ‘I agreed to the terms.’
His temples buzzed with adrenaline as he digested the words. He couldn’t really process what he was hearing as his mind raced a mile a minute, ‘What the actual hell Nancy? What were you thinkin-’
‘I couldn’t gamble your safety.’ Nancy interrupted, looking away again; finality etched in her tone. That was enough to effectively set him over the edge.
‘And yet you gambled your integrity?’ Ace felt sick; he couldn’t help but yell. He was now not only responsible for the possible murders of multiple people, but he was also the reason that Nancy had given up everything she’d believed in and worked for, the reason that a known murderer would walk free. ‘This isn’t who you are Nancy, this town trusts you to do the right thing, your dad trusted that you would do the right thing, you’re better than this!’
Nancy recovered just as fast as she’d flinched at his words. ‘Really? Am I? Because last time I checked, all of you were very comfortable with telling me how much of a Hudson I am, so guess what? I am a Hudson; I did what I had to.’ Nancy bit back. Ace couldn’t miss the sincerity that was absent in her tone.
He was so tired. ‘This wasn’t the right call Nancy, you fucked up… I wasn’t worth it.’ Ace tried to remove himself from seeing the way a part of her broke at how he didn’t fight for the decision she’d made to save his life, how he didn’t try to understand what that had cost her, how she was willing to do it anyway. But he could see that she saw him too, that she was also processing his side of things. Even if, just like him, she wasn’t willing to come to terms with what it implied for the two of them.
They studied each other until the silence got too heavy.
‘But it was my call to make. I couldn’t lose you.’ She gave up, looking right at him with tears threatening to fall. She was still scanning his face for some semblance of understanding, for some approval. When it didn’t come, she pulled her last straw, ‘Tell me that you wouldn’t have done the same for me.’
If it were anybody else, Ace would’ve become the pacifist right then. He would’ve put up the front he always did and manage all his feelings onto the backburner, letting everything go for the sake of preserving peace, convincing himself that he’d process it all himself and get over it. He would’ve forgiven it and swallowed the hurt and exhaustion he was feeling. He would’ve managed the anger he felt at her for asking him for an answer that would even mildly justify the clearly wrong decision she’d made – the decision to choose him. He would’ve looked away from her crystal blue eyes and arrested his case.
But with Nancy, against all his better rational judgment, he didn’t feel the need to reserve himself like he always did, he wanted to feel everything he was feeling in full force and overwhelm her with it too. Despite everything, it felt important to be honest with her, to liberate himself from holding back in the only way he could given their current circumstances – he wanted to be angry with her because he was angry with her.
Ace had decided on that much; tonight, he wasn’t going to give either of them the comfort of coming to terms with what she’d done because of him, of unpacking why she’d done it when there was so much – too much, to lose. He’d settled on it, ending the conversation.
‘Amanda is waiting for me. I’m heading out.’ Ace didn’t know why, but he knew that mentioning her was a cheap shot.
And that’s what he did. Before he saw Nancy’s tears, tears he knew would break him into a million more pieces than he’d already been broken into today, tears that would force him to deal with more than he could handle with everything he felt for and about her, he made his way out of the Bayside Claw.
