Cycle of love
When you first fell in love, you want to know what that person's up to, you want to know what he or she thinks, you want to know what he or she is doing, basically, you want to know everything. That's the first stage of love. Second stage of love is when that person feels the same for you, and then you'll try so hard to get her or his attention, well, you already have but you want more, more and more. And then when you two get to meet, you would lay on his / her shoulder and pretend like you're tired. The feeling of touching her / his hand, it feels almost magical. It feels like two connection being connected by something and it burns, not in the way that hurts but in a way which is really really special. The third stage of love is when you both cling on each other. The things you find funny about him/her is almost everything. You laugh at everything him/her says , you would push his/her forehead and tease each other, you feel like you want to kiss that person. You find everything of him/her interesting, you find it hard to believe that the person is the one, he/she is the one for you. You spend half of your day thinking about that someone, well maybe the whole day. You stay up late for them, even though you need to wake up at 6 a.m., you video call them, read them poems, read them your favorite book, tell them your silly dreams, talk about what future is going to be. Well, that's the most beautiful stage in love. Stage four, jealousy. You would start over think about everything. Your insecurity, your lack of attention, love, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. That is the stage where you lose trust. You lose faith. You lose hope. But you keep telling yourself "No, it can be better. We can work this out." Stage five, you give in everything, trying to fix things, giving more time over time, giving more chances. You have midnight thoughts, you sleep at 3 thinking if they would leave you. The thoughts are often gonna kill you because you'll be in all tears and you try not to make any sound because you can't let anybody know you're crying while your lungs burn. Stage six, the decisions. You keep thinking if he/she is the one for you, you tell yourself he/she deserve better. You tell yourself "I'm still young now, I can find someone better." You think of yourself. Stage seven, when that person decided to leave, none of this above matters. Because when that person leaves, they leave scars. They leave a space in your heart. All the insecurities, fights, heart breaks , you wish you didn't care about those at all. You wish you could rewind the time but No, you can't. You wish you could still wake up and tell them you love them, show them you can change. But till then, you're just shouting your love into the void. Because the thoughts of being us against the world faded into the night skies, just like you and I.
