#cylee speaks

[restaxs]

i deserve this feeling

[restaxs]

i brought this upon my self.

this pain.

[restaxs]

do u know how shitty i feel sometimes. how much i hate myself sometimes because of you? how much i fixate on little things that you get upset over that i did or didn’t do enough of. do you understand how much i think about everything i’ve ever done wrong. how much i’ve fucked everything up. do you know how much i think about the things i’ve done or stopped doing to please you.

never enough.

[restaxs]

i’m back on my bullshit mentally. every year round this time i get in a bad place. here we goooo

[restaxs]

pain pain pain pain

[restaxs]

never good enough. never.

[restaxs]

the feeling in your throat when you’re fighting crying.

i’m fighting it because i know if i start, i won’t stop.

[restaxs]

i don’t know how to answer when people ask if i’m okay