i actually forget I have this blog since I’ve just started acknowledging on my main that I’m not human, but i think some stuff is still a bit much for main i guess
anyway, the point is i think I’ve come to realize (in conjunction with other points of reference that have since gotten me a schizospec diagnosis lol) that I’m not from this plane of reality. Idk how i got here, but I’m here. And whatever I’m supposed to be is dog shaped, but that couldn’t fit into the location on this plane that i was sent to/put in, so this nebulous “they” made me human shaped so i fit here. Or… maybe they just chose whatever vessel was available? Idk
i can still see flickers of where I’m supposed to be from, on the edges of this reality. I wonder sometimes if people from this plane can tell I’m not one of them.
ive been putting more animal things on my main but im not fully willing to post EVERYTHING there ig cuz its also partly a fandom space BUT
been feeling extra dog lately as is, and yesterday something happened to remind me of a very bad time in my life where i was quite literally treated as a dog and hoo boy did that make the shift more intense. just like back during those times, i felt my body had changed. like if i looked in the mirror i would be looking at a dog or dogman, not my usual human shell. which is fascinating, because the dog-ness really does seem to be the core while the human and hyena are layers that are wrapped over it, and dog comes out during high emotions or distress.
idk it was just fascinating to feel it so intensely again. i only wish it wasn’t due to having a panic attack lmao
I feel like the general label of "cynocephali" for the people is acceptable, regardless of whether the head is dog-like, hyena-like, wolf-like... It's more of a morphological classification meant to assist in understanding of us HERE than a genetic classification. So, within the people, heads that look like dogs, wolves, coyotes, foxes, hyenas, dholes, wild dogs... anything that we here would look at and say "yeah, that's vaguely dog-shaped", regardless of if it would genetically classify as canis lupus familiaris or not. Because, ultimately, the people I am from are NOT dogs, not how we here understand dogs. They aren't related to dogs of our world. They're their own thing. Thus, I may just default to using cynocephali/cynocephalic, but my own appearance would be more of a hyena than that of a dog.
What do I mean "here" and "not here"?;
I've said in at least one other post, my otherness is NOT a past-life thing, it is spiritual. I do not have memories of a past life, and I've never felt as if that was something for me to pursue. What I DO think is the case is that my people are not of this world. Not necessarily in the sense of "aliens on another planet" so much as I think they are of a different, parallel reality. They are not of here, regardless of how far across our universe we travel. They are of another plane. Another time, maybe.
I felt like those two points were important bits of context for the rest of my thoughts, which I'll put under the read-more. Or, you can read it on wordpress here. Be forewarned, this is quite lengthy.
(Above: A cynocephalus. From the Nuremberg Chronicle (1493), yoinked from Wikipedia's page on Cynocephaly)
Common depictions of cynocephali from here/this reality aren't too far off, though they tend to not include the body hair and other key aspects of biology.
Overall, the cynocephali appear similar to humans, aside from the head of course. The body is bipedal, with skin visible, though there is more body hair than one would find on the average human. The body hair seems to be somewhat coarse, but is usually fairly straight, and the texture doesn't really differ on different parts of the body. It's consistent with the hair/fur on the head. Skin varies in color, usually congruent with the fur - darker furred cynocephali having darker skin, lighter fur having lighter skin, etc.
Key differences in the body from humans, apart from the body hair, would be in the nails and the tail. Cynocephali seem to retain a tail, though it is less prominent than on an animal. The fur there is denser than on the body, but not quite to the extent that it would be on a dog. Denser towards the tip, more sparse the closer to the body it gets. Similarly, the body hair gets more dense the closer it gets to the head.
For the nails, they resemble human finger/toe nails, but are usually more hard and thicker. Not quite claws, but closer to claws than thin human fingernails.
Cynocephali CAN speak. The language tends to sound more... rough? Their vocal chords aren't quite like humans', thus the language has a more "growling" quality. Non-word sounds are common, too. A blend of word-based language and sound-based, as well as physical/non-verbal communication. Ear posture, teeth, etc.
Relatedly, the language is not just spoken; cynocephali have written language as well, which leads more into the culture.
I think the closest culture we have here in this world that could make a good parallel would be some blend of Ancient Rome/Egypt and what is commonly viewed about Medieval times? Some middle ground between the two. Written language, spoken language, agriculture and farming, animal husbandry, religion, war, art... We don't have the tech of this place. Tools aren't "crude", they're not "stone age" type of things. There's simple metalworking, clay and stone, textile arts... A parallel to humanity, though certainly not identical. I'm hazy still on much of the detail.
The culture is different, too. The social structure isn't the same. Religion seems fairly big and omnipresent. I don't think there's kings/monarchs/etc, I think it's a largely priest-run society. Very communal. Not to say it's all peaceful, but very community oriented.
(Warning: pregnancy loss, death, and body processing mentioned below)
They mummify their dead. This bit I know from a dream. It was like I was looking in through someone else's eyes, acting through them. I was with a man with the head of a black dog - my Father. I don't know that it was the memory of someone else, I think it was more a glimpse into what could have been. Father was a priest, tasked with preparing the bodies. Someone in the town had lost her litter of pups, I think from sickness in the womb. They were stillborn, and they were so... tiny. Tiny, perfect looking little pups with the body resembling a human infant and itty bitty little puppy heads. They hadn't even gotten to open their eyes yet. There were three or four of them, I can't quite recall, I had this dream almost a decade ago.
We had to open up their tummies and remove their organs. Clean them off, clean them out, so that we could preserve them. I can't recall what we preserved them with, but they were so small that we buried them in clay jars, akin to this world's Egyptian canopic jars. It was heartbreaking to see such small babies that hadn't even gotten to live, but the reverence and love with which we prepared them... the dead are loved by my people, deeply. I think ancestor reverence is a major part of the culture. Their mother loved them so much... I wish she had gotten to raise them...
Being the child of a priest is a major responsibility; a huge honor, but a heavy thing to bear, as the whole community depends on the priests.
Maybe that's why Mother and Father put me here instead...? Maybe this is to prepare me for my role later...? Humans are often cruel, and I've seen things I wish I hadn't. But maybe that's the burden of a priest; to see reality - to see other realities - and to live with the knowledge that brings. That's less about the species and more about my own journey, admittedly, but it's making me think.
Regardless, I'll make more posts as more comes to light, but this is what I have thus far.
i think i strongly identify with cynocephaly because i know i am perceived as human - thus a human body - but (in) my head is animal. so, the Cynocephali is the absolute closest thing i can seem to come to reconciling this reality with the reality i know to be true.
it also bleeds into the hyena/gnollkin. “human” body, hyena head. like that’s what’s walking around, doing desk work, going grocery shopping… something with the body of a (trans) man and the head of a hyena. also a tail, i definitely think i should have a tail.
but i think that’s part of why i don’t get too much species dysphoria? the body isn’t 100% correct, but it is damn close. the biggest flaw is the head. the head should be a hyena’s, but when i look in the mirror, it’s wrong. like the mirror is broken, somehow.
or maybe - as i type this all out, i’m rereading and thinking - maybe the “correct” form IS cynocephalic? it IS how i most consistently feel and see myself in my mind’s eye after all. hm..
Edit: I’m making my own damn term for this. I’m calling it Crocutacephalic. Keeping my @ though because I’m still kinda dog in some ways but i think crocutacephalic is The Primary Type™
