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Together

Sleep was a luxury. A moment to rest seemed like an illusion, a dream she wouldn't be able to experience. Noin was exhausted. Her body didn't had enough energy to argue, to plead, to cry or shout. She felt hopeless, trapped in a black hole with nothing to hold on to. Defeated without even going to battle.

Her knees touched her chest, arms crossed on top of them to nest her head. It had been too much in just one day to endure alone, in just a couple of hours her reality shattered in thousands of pieces. She felt weak, too weak. She was losing her grip little by little, and it would just be a matter of time before her emotions turned her into a heavy burden for the side of the battle she decided to fight for.

This stopped being a battle for peace the moment she discovered it was her brother the person behind this, and after Quatre joined his army and betrayed her trust...after Dix-Neuf's words...

"How could he..." she whispered, hoping nobody would be able to listen to her while she released so much anger through tears.

His heart constricted painfully at the sight of her curled tightly into a ball, with the light seeping from the blinds casting shadows on an already gloomy scene. He entered the room quietly, so as not to alert her, although he knew that even in this state, she would be able to tell it was him. She didn't look up, though. She did not acknowledge his presence, and somehow he was glad... because he wouldn't be able to see her eyes, and she wouldn't have to smile at him and greet him like she has nothing on her mind.

That has always been the case with her: even at her lowest moments, she always puts her own feelings aside for others - for him, and for her to be like this must only mean one thing. She just reached her tipping point.

He bit his lip. It was rare, very rare, to see Noin in such a state and as someone who was always on the receiving end of her concern, he found himself at a loss of what to do. He wouldn't dare lie to her that everything will be fine, because the recent events are proof that things are bound to go downhill soon enough.

So he simply sat beside her, and gently rubbed slow circles on her back. Part of him ached to take her into his arms and kiss her sorrow away, but he knew she had things to get out of her system first. "I'm listening," he prodded her.

"Wind", she whispered, cleaning her tears with trembling fingers. There were no words that could describe the effect he had on her, by just rubbing her back, by just being there to listen to her. However, she will need much, much more than his embrace to calm down at least one bit, at least enough to be able to calm down.

Where to begin, she wondered, when everything that happened in just a blink of an eye hurt like nothing she's ever experienced before. Noin had too much to say, to scream, to take out of her system, and nobody listened, but her husband. Perhaps telling him everything would take all the weight Dix-Neuf placed on her shoulders without even considering it. Perhaps he could even succeed where she failed, convincing those who left that they were doing the wrong thing.

"I feel horrible", she muttered, her eyes staring at something on the ground. "How could they just turn their backs at Earth like this...how could my brother...just...." Noin took a deep breath to gain a few seconds to organize her thoughts, but it only gave way to more tears.

Typical Noin, he thought, fighting back the urge to smile, albeit sadly. This was the reason why it would be better for her not to be in the battlefield. She's just too kind. For her to be involved in a fight where those she holds dear are on the opposing sides will just tear her further apart. He should know; they had faced each other in the battlefield before.

He shook his head clear of the thought and tried to return his focus on her, but found his mind straying to a conversation he walked in on earlier.

Heero Yuy. He clenched his fists. How dare he...

"I won't let anyone hurt you anymore than they already have," he said out loud. His tone was even, but there was a discernable quiver in his voice from the strain of keeping his anger in check.

He's fought so hard all these years, sacrificed so much and for what? For all that he holds dear to be threatened once again?

"I don't want to fight them". This, was completely true. Noin didn't wanted to fight anyone. If she had enough power to change the way this battle would turn, she would do anything to prevent mobile suits to be used. Even more, to avoid having to rise against those she held dear to herself.

In that same thought, her brother could be added. She forgot the last time she saw him, and it was only a thing from nightmares to imagine she would have to face her brother in the middle of a war between Earth and Mars. Noin moved to lean on him instead of using the wall for support. "I'm worried, Wind. I'm worried something will happen to those who decided to fight for Dix-Neuf's ideals...and I'm worried about him as well".

She also feared the possibility of Wind going to Mars to face this situation. She was terrified of it, to be exact. Her hand kept cleaning her face, still not able to look at him. Noin didn't wanted to tell him exactly what happened while she spoke to Heero, to tell him about Mars' main objective -to keep Relena and herself safe from battles-...

But, more importantly, she didn't wanted to tell him how much her heart hurt after Quatre's decision to fight for Mars. He, of all the pilots, understood her views on pacifism and gave up on those beliefs to give way to peaceful oppression. Noin held her chest while she took small breaths to relax. Thinking about it was like pouring salt to an open wound.

"Then you won't; you don't have to," the man called Wind replied simply, his voice low and almost void of emotion, and hated himself for it.

He can't stand seeing her like this. He knew he's being irrational but he felt guilty... As if he was making her choose between him and them. He pressed his eyes closed. No, stop it, he told himself, pushing down that old insecurity that is now trying to claw its way out of where he had long buried it.

He ran fingers through his hair in frustration. What were those boys thinking anyway? What do they expect to achieve by siding with that false Milliardo? Did they honestly believe in those man's words?

He cut a glance towards his distressed wife and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulder. "I don't know what they're up to," he began, leaning close to brush his lips against her forehead, "but you need not beat yourself up over their decisions, Lucrezia."

"I..."

She felt stupid now. Noin shook her head softly. It was always like this. Perhaps her emotions never bottled up so much to this point, but it was always like this: She always got too much attached to her allies, and when they did something that could put them in danger, an almost maternal side crawled in, giving way to too much worry and stress.

That thought made her feel even weaker. She wasn't going to do anything by just being like this. But... Just like she told Quatre. It became personal when her brother was the one involved in this situation.

Lucrezia closed her eyes, shifting so she could rest her head on his shoulder, hands on her cheek to aavoid tears touching his skin. "I can't, Wind. I can't just not worry knowing who is behind their change of heart..."

Dix-Neuf Noinheim. Nobody knew him better, than herself. And nobody had a moment to ask her if his intentions were indeed aiming towards peace. Perhaps that was why she felt so betrayed. None of them seemed to trust in her knowledge, maybe because she was indeed an emotional woman. Yes, it made enough sense. Once things make sense, anger overcomes sadness. Tears stopped flowing from her eyes, the hand holding her cheek falling to her lap.

"Why does it have to hurt so much?"

"You care too much," he answered, drawing her nearer. He closed his eyes, unable to bear the sight of her tear-streaked face. Had she cried like this when they'd been on opposing sides? A pang of guilt shot through his heart again.

Unable to follow his matter-of-fact statement with something more comforting, he gently nudged her and jested. "Get a hold of yourself. Boys don't cry, remember?"

Lucrezia chuckled, almost impossible to be heard. She said those same words before, while they were both kids and she demanded them to treat her like one of the boys. "Yes, boys don't cry..." she answered, cleaning the remaining tears on her face. "I try...not to care. To stop thinking, to forget I am capable of feeling sympathy for someone, but I just...can't. Heh, how have I survived for so long thinking like this..."

She laughed softly, nodding to herself. "Maybe the little boy in me is as desperate as I am, crying is not normal in me..."

Maybe the little boy in her was running out of options. Just like herself. She knew her decisions were the right ones, she knew they were doing the right thing. But, why did everything felt...just wrong?

"Then again, you've always had shallow tears," he teased, silently grateful for the shift in her mood. He can handle an angry Noin any time. A sarcastic Noin? Sure, no problem. But a depressed Noin? No, he just isn't equipped for that yet.

"I...also spoke to Dix-Neuf, and..."

There was no need to hide this from him. This was the event that caused her complete breakdown. Quatre's betrayal only opened the wound, this conversation with her brother was what caused her defeated feeling. This hole in her heart she hoped Wind could be able to fix, whatever the method he decided to use for it.

Thinking about how the conversation went, she started crying again, pushing herself even closer to her husband for all the warmth and comfort he produced. She couldn't speak any longer, not if she continued crying like this.

It's been...ten years, since the last time she cried, and it felt like she wouldn't be able to stop now.

The moment the floodgates opened, Wind's arms automatically circled around his wife's small, trembling form. Seeing her so defeated and hearing her cry caused his insides to twist. "Lucrezia," he murmured as he tightened his hold on her. "Lucrezia, please..."

"Why?"

Those were the only words she was able to pronounce. She knew, she had faith, that he would be able to answer her doubts. Why did it had to hurt so much?

She felt she was an useless thing in this battle, that nothing she could do or say can change anything. What was she supposed to do now? She couldn't let herself be defeated by this, now could she?

She had to stop. She had to leave everything behind, every little feeling, every concern, fear, worry, everything. And be strong. Be stronger. Easier said than done, it seemed. "How am I supposed to act now, Wind...?"

The blonde's lips part automatically as if to respond to Noin's question, but realizing he had no answer for her, he held them shut. He didn't know what to tell her. He's been used to her having the answer, of knowing what needs to be done.

What can he tell her? That Dix-Neuf is in the wrong and must be stopped by all means necessary? That would have been easy if that man was not her brother. And that Winner boy? His wife kept her friends close to her heart so how can he tell her to put aside their friendship?

He'd warned her once of her tendency to get too attached, and he was met by a sharp rebuttal. Of course; how dare he ask that she follow his example of keeping people at a safe distance.

"Do what you feel is right," he told her after much thought, his voice apologetic. He wished he could tell her more than that, but what else could he possibly say? These were her relationships and he will not meddle in how she chooses to deal with them.

Whatever she chooses to do, he will stand by her.

Noin listened to his words. His words always had the ability to make her feel better, even if the situation was covered in chaos. Just like they did at that moment. Her trembling fingers cleaned her tears one by one, her body slowly stopped trembling. Do what you feel is right. She felt she had to fight. She felt she had to do something that could change this outcome. But, would it be all right for him to know about her desire to fight?

"I want to be useful", she whispered. "I want to end this, to do something, anything! But I fear my feelings will get in the way...Wind, I want to be next to you if a battle happens. I don't want to feel weak any longer".

'Not this!' his mind cried out in response to her plea. He trusted no one except her to have his back, but he does not want her to be anywhere in the frontlines.

There is no denying Noin's capabilities in battle, but the playing field has changed and her family and former friends are involved.

And knowing Noin, she will get depressed even further should the time come that she has to face them in battle, with their lives all on the line.

"I understand," he began, "and I wouldn't want anyone else next to me... but I would rather you not take up arms."

Noin looked up, to his face. She understood his concern, it was the same she felt every time he went to battle without her. She hated fighting in general, didn't mattered if it was her or someone else doing it.

Remorse made her lower her eyes for a while. She was so conflicted. Always giving others options about what they should do with their lives, and now that she needed that ability, it was all gone. The thought of it made her chuckle, shaking her head afterwards.

"I don't see myself doing anything else, Wind", she looked up again. "Dix-Neuf pretends to take free will out of those who he thinks are weak and not good enough to make decisions for themselves. His idea of peace circles around oppression. I promised you...that I would take care of your sister. I need to be able to protect her properly, and although I don't want to fight, right now I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

Please say I do, she thought. Please say I do have another choice.

"Please, let me fight next to you. I don't want to be the one always crying and feeling worthless. Boys don't cry, remember?"

He cracked a smile then but shook his head. Dix-Neuf is nothing but a disillusioned idiot who he pretends to know what is best for Mars, Earth and the colonies in-between. Not that he is defending ESUN's stance on total pacifism and demilitarization; he believes in peace, yes, but he also believes in having the capacity to defend it. "Of course you do," he said, tilting her chin up so he could take a good look at her glassy violet eyes.

"But I just hope you understand that I do not wish for you get tangled up further in this." He sighed. "You have always been strong, Lucrezia, always. Please don't say that you're worthless."

"It's how I think I feel now", she blinked a few remaining tears away from her eyes as she looked at his nile eyes. "A little beat up inside and out".

Her left hand touched his face, her smile finally coming back to her lips. "I want to believe this is the right decision, that we're doing the right thing. I feel this is the right thing to do. I need to put feelings aside if I want to be of any help, and I really want this to be over".

Noin nodded to herself. Yes, this was the right thing to do. She believed in total pacifism and she was going to fight for it. "Thank you, Wind. I understand your concern". Sometimes she felt like a terrible wife. She knew sometimes she was a little persistent, and that being so outspoken about her desires could conflict with his ideals, but she didn't wanted to do anything against his will. "I'm sorry for being so stubborn", she laughed.

He responded by shaking his head again and poking her forehead. "Stubborn? No, that would be me." He grinned, relieved that she's regaining her fire.

He paused, though, considering her other words. "There will always be people saying otherwise - but that's only reflective of their own ideals."

"... I believe in what we fight for, Lucrezia. That is enough for me."

"I can be the stubborn one once in a while, no?" Letting out a sigh of relief, Lucrezia's smile came fully back to her face. Her heart stopped beating so fast. His words worked against her insecurites and fixed her broken heart so quickly, so easy.

Yes, this war might conflict with her ideals. Of course she knew the decisions she took would affect the way those on the other side of the battlefield saw her now...but she couldn't do anything about it. It was time for Lucrezia Noin to stop living for others, and start living for those she felt important. Like her husband.

"Knowing you believe this is the right thing to fight for is enough for me", she brushed his bangs. "Thank you, so much".

Now that she found her path once again...it was time to get serious.

He returned her smile and cupped her face in his warm hands. "We can even work out a schedule if it pleases you," he jested before placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Now. Don't you think it's about time you get some rest?"

Noin kissed him back, rubbing her thumb on his cheek. "Right now we need to plan a schedule. I'm sure Treize would want to talk to you, and we need to find Otto. I don't want to imagine he could get captured just because he's the one in charge of your Tallgeese".

She stiffed a bit, she wasn't sure if she would be capable of sleeping. She recognized she was tired, it's been days since she last slept one full night. "I think so", she rubbed her neck. "I've been awake for three days now because of all of this".

"No, right now we need to rest," he levelled her with a stern gaze. He could definitely sense the role reversal, hopefully he is doing just right in caring for her. "We can't plan with tired minds." "And Treize, I've contacted him. We'll be talking soon." Wind pulled his wife closer and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Don't fight me on this Lucrezia. Tactics can wait for another night."

"And so can Otto. He'll be fine."

She sighed once again, surprised with how he seemed to be the one giving orders this time. Wind, he...surprised her. Every day she learned and saw something new regarding her husband, and she loved every second of it.

"...all right", she nodded, kissing his jaw. "We rest first, and plan later. I don't have enough strength to fight for now, and I can't fight you, anyways. But, at least let me plan this: tomorrow, you talk to Treize, I look for Otto. Please? And end of topic?"

She played the charming smile card next, looking at him. She forgot, or couldn't remember, if that tactic backfired once. It didn't, right?

"As you wish," he acquiesced, noticing the look she gave him.

Smiling, she moved to kiss him, holding his face. "Thank you", she said, pressing another kiss on his cheek before moving to stand up. "We rest now, then? I think my body won't be able to continue functioning if I skip sleeping another day"..

She took his hand and began to stand up. She ignored completely how weak her legs felt and how much tired she truly was. Lucky her, Wind would force her to sleep no matter what tactic she used to prevent such thing from happening, besides, that little yawn that escaped her lips gave her away.

The man called Wind nodded and moved to follow her. "Yes. We expect a long day tomorrow after all."

#6x9 #Lucrezia Noin #Cyrene Wind #Milliardo Peacecraft #scene #ooc long post is long #and no more breaking poor Noin apart!#time to get serious!