#d-a-n-c-e

[doomsdayray]

stick to the B-E-A-T get ready to ignite

@sweetlurr

[cozy]

D-A-N-C-E: Clearing of Spaces to Mom-Standards

We continue our coverage of the Domestic At-Home Non-Sporting Community Event today with the highly anticipated discipline of Clearing of Spaces to Mom-Standards.

Now, there's been much debate in the lead-up to this event, because standards do vary. As do Moms. Who are sometimes Dads. Or Auncles. Or older siblings. Or, if you're lucky, guardians of more or less magical inclination and talents. I digress. Terry, what's the score over there?

Well, Barry, the tension is palpable over here. We’ve all seen cleaned and cleared spaces, we’ve seen the old standards. Today, we're seeing much more versatility than in previous years: We're seeing bedroom floors. We're seeing IRL desktops and workspaces. And, of course, we're seeing a lot of digital desktops and workspaces.

So far, we've witnessed some impeccable execution, some truly inspiring clearing of space. The spectators are stretched to breaking point, Barry, and I can't blame them.

[smimon]

I had a very productive day. Let's say it's my entry for the Domestic At-Home Non-Sporting Community Event.

[cozy]

D-A-N-C-E: Not killing your plants

We return to our coverage of the domestic at-home non-sporting community event, and Terry, this one is shaping up to be a real doozy. Keeping plants alive is a complicated discipline. Too much water runs the risk of root rot; too little and our contestants will lose much more than 3/10 of a point—lives are at stake here. Tell us, Terry, how are things looking out there?

Well, Barry, we’re already seeing a lot of drainage hole leakage and yellowing leaves down here. The level of skill demonstrated in front-runner Greeny’s pruning is phenomenal, considering the pressure they’re under. Coming up in a close second place is Mildred, who still has to compete in the Pilea Peperomioides propagation element. But she's clearly not thinking about that right now!

Let’s quickly pan over to our other competitors…Barry, is that? Oh no. One of our competitors has pricked themself on a rogue cactus! Looks like that unhappy succulent didn’t want to be replanted after all. These gardeners could use a tip or two from the plantblr community. Then again, if you’re not in the process of killing at least one plant, do you really have plants?

[cozy]

D - A - N - C - E: Napping

Aaaand we’re back with the first discipline in the Domestic At-Home Non-Sporting Community Event, which is, of course, Napping. Terry, what have you got for us today?

Well, Barry, we’re in the midst of some very stiff competition here today, and contestants are really going for it. Will you just look at that form! The level of snuggle is truly inspiring. And what a lack of tension! It takes a lot of skill to be this relaxed, Barry.

...Hear that? That’s nothing but deep, deep breathing. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this level of mastery in all my years, Barry. Barry? Are you still with me?

….zzzz….zzzZZ….zzZZZZzzz...zz...Zzzzzz...zzzzzzzzz...zzzzZZZZZZzzzz….

[cozy]

Sports are cool if you like sports. So is not doing sports. Anti-athletics, if you will.

We’re all at home, and we’re all tired of being at home. So tired. That’s why, over the next two weeks, we invite you to join us in a little game we like to call the Domestic At-Home Non-Sporting Community Event. D-A-N-C-E for short. Yep, yeah, we know. Trademark pending.

It’s more than a game, really. A tournament, maybe. A set of games-that-aren’t-games, a competition-without-ambition—except maybe to be cozy and chill. You can join us, or you can watch the un-drama as it simply doesn’t unfold.

So, calling all anti-athletes at home: Don’t kick the ball. Don’t run really fast. Don’t head for the finish line. Instead, tidy your space, drink a glass of water, curl up for a nap, and enjoy this delightfully uncompetitive non-event event. Because that’s the thing, really: you’re all winners. Every day. Well done!

Feel free to tag your efforts with #d-a-n-c-e, or feel free to just...not. Welcome to the Domestic At-Home Non-Sporting Community Event. Let The Games begin.

[cozy]

D-A-N-C-E: Drinking water

Our coverage of the domestic at-home non-sporting community event continues with arguably the most dangerous regiment: drinking water. Now Barry, the judges are on the lookout for zero spillage or choking. Every bit of H2O dropped or inhaled down the wrong pipe will amount to the loss of a few tenths of a point—a small puddle or coughing fit could be devastating. Let’s take a look at our competitors—Barry, how’s it going out there?

Well Terry, it’s surprisingly dry down here despite the amount of hydration happening around us. I just continue to be amazed at the concentration. The sipping? Immaculate. The chugging? Clearly these contestants have been training their entire lives for this moment.

[cozy]

D-A-N-C-E: Closing Ceremony

You did it! You all tried. Here, have a beet.

Well done. You took a heroic pirouette of effort and made it to the deep end. You kicked the skateboard right into the net with inches to spare and lived to tell the tale. You showed that you know all the rules—with poise, ambition, and exquisite hydration. You’re the best you’ve ever beaten. You’re a winner. Every single one of you. But especially you.