start over. / keaton & rory.
date: february 6, 2021 characters: keaton arkwright & rory mikaelsohn summary: keaton and rory talk about everything that’s happened.
Keaton went out for a walk to clear his head of the things that he had been thinking about. Lately he had been talking with his therapist about talking to Rory, mostly apologizing to her, but also talking and re-inviting that part of him back into his life. Keaton was apprehensive about it because he knew Rory had also been through a lot and he didn't want to bring it all back if it was too soon for her. Keaton had been working a lot on doing things for himself and for others, and finding a healthy balance between the two.
With Rory this was hard. He cared so much about Rory, that he was terrified to hurt her anymore than he already had. He just had to take that push. He lowered himself on the ground, at the forrest's edge that was close to the lake, so he was facing the lake. That's when Keaton finally pulled out her number after months and sent a text:
Hey, can we talk? It's okay if you can't. If you want to, I'm in the forrest, near the lake.
All he had to do now, is wait.
Having the day off of work allowed Rory to spend her day wandering the woods, sorting through some thoughts and feelings. Between getting used to a new job, her therapy sessions, the reappearance of multiple Hades children, and Bailey leaving for an unknown period of time - she found her brain unsure of how to handle everything happening. Her best self therapy? Lounging in a tree branch with her eyes closed, taking in the sun on her face and the wind blowing through her hair to ignore the world for just a little while.
Her sense of peace was broken up by her phone vibrating in her pocket, though it took her a minute to find the strength to reach in to grab it. She felt her breath catch in her throat when she saw who it was texting her. She hadn’t heard from Keaton since their mutual breakup, and she found herself nervous to actually see him again for the first time in months. Sure, she knew this conversation had to happen at some point in time, but she still found herself hoping she had more time to get her thoughts in order.
Though, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that having more time wouldn’t solve anything. She wouldn’t magically come up with anything else to say. So letting out a small sigh to try and gather some courage, she replied.
Sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes.
Swinging herself out of the tree and back onto the forest floor, she made the short journey from her spot in the forest to where Keaton said he was waiting. Once she arrived, she saw him sitting where he said he would be, and felt her stomach flip a bit. At the same time, the winds churned erratically around her, the breeze making its way over towards the lake more steps she took in his direction.
When the wind came, Keaton's own stomach did a flip. He knew that wind came before his ex-girlfriend. Keaton watched her step into view. Keaton felt his heart pound in his chest, he didn't think he'd be this nervous. Actually seeing her, made him more nervous than thinking about it.
In front of him, laying on his lap was Sheep. When he felt Keaton turn, Sheep perked up, looking around Keaton curiously, before happily running toward Rory. Keaton let himself smile at her as she stepped closer.
Seeing Keaton turn, she internally cringed at the winds giving her away, silently cursing her power for not cooperating with her for once in her life. Rory gave him a small, nervous smile as their eyes met, but her attention was quickly pulled away from him at the movement she saw in front of him.
Seeing Sheep perk up and immediate charge at her, caused a mix of a laugh and a sob to fall out of her as she dropped to her knees before the dog. “Sheepy!” Her arms came out just in time to wrap them around him, a laugh making it’s way out of her as he immediately started attacking her with kisses. “Hi baby boy, I missed you!” After another few minutes, Sheep happily laid himself on her lap, and she finally looked back up at Keaton, her bright smile turning back into its earlier, nervous state. “Hi.”
Keaton grinned even more watching Sheep with Rory, it felt somewhat nostalgic. It gave Keaton hope that maybe one day they could get to be normal, or at least somewhat normal, no matter what their relationship was. Keaton wasn't going into this thinking they might get back together, he still wasn't even sure if he was ready for that, and the two of them definitely changed over the past few months.
When Rory looked back up at him, he locked eyes with her. "Hi," he replied, not really knowing what else to say. A silence fell upon the two for a moment. "I'm sorry if I dragged you away from anything."
"Oh no, you didn't. Don't worry." She shook her head to emphasis the fact, her hands busying themselves with petting Sheep as he stretched out on her lap. "I was already out here, so it was actually kinda great timing? You know how I am with trees, so." Rory shrugged, also at a loss of what to say. The silence dragged on once again. "So...how've you been?"
Keaton nodded in response to her trees statement. He nodded agin when she asked him how he's been. "Good," he replied, and for once in a long while, he actually meant that, but then he followed it up with, "Honestly." He knew that Rory knew he sometimes lied when he said stuff like that. He wanted to make sure that she knew, he was telling the truth this time. "And you?"
Her head tilted just a bit at his immediate answer, knowing that he was always quick to brush off his own feelings. However, she found herself believing him when he followed it up. She wasn't sure what exactly it was, but he looked better than the last time she had really talked to him. Her smile turned a little warmer as she came to that realization. "Yeah, I can see that. You look good, Keaton." Her shoulders shrugged again at his return question. "I'm doing pretty good. I finally got out of the diner - though Mikey and Ellie almost killed me for it." She joked.
Keaton nodded, "Yeah I uh, a lot has happened since we last talked," he replied to her. He tilted his head slightly though, taking in the blonde hair and the cut. "For honest though? I'm not saying that it's bad or anything, the blonde looks beautiful, and you are totally not at all me, I just, last time one of us dyed our hair blonde, well to be honest, I was really spiralling then."
When he mentioned it, Rory’s hand flew up to her new hair, resting on the ends of her now short style. A frown grew on her face slightly as he continued talking, only the tiniest bit annoyed that he thought this was her losing her mind. It was fair though, considering their past, so the frown fell away quickly as she nodded. “Thanks, but honest, I’m good. This was all Abel.” She said, as if that explained everything. To her it did. “I’m still getting used to the length but I really like it.” Sheep looked up at her when her hand was away from him for too long, and she smiled down at him before going back to petting, looking back up at Keaton. “I promise this isn’t me spiraling though.”
Keaton nodded, feeling relief that she was really okay. If he was being honest, it was really hard not being there for her and not knowing if she was okay. “Okay, I believe you, I just wanted to make sure,” he replied. “It really does look great, you look great Rory.” He let out a soft sigh, shifting slightly, his hand absentmindedly going to pet the part of Sheep closest to him. Sheep looked at him and rolled over so that he was in between the two, in order to get pet by both of them. “I’m uh, really glad you and Abel are getting along again. Honest truth, promise.”
"Thank you, I honestly feel great." Keaton sliding closer made Rory's body freeze for a second, though she wasn't sure why. Instead of trying to figure it out, she focused back on Sheep, letting out a little laugh at his attempts to reach the both of them at once, giving him a small boop on the nose as Keaton spoke. The responding smile was small, almost guilty looking at the mention of Abel. She had a lost of remorse for everything that happened the night of their argument, especially for everything they both said about both Sean and Abel. "Thanks, it's...crazy how familiar it is, yet totally different. If that even makes any sense." She let out a small sigh, feeling the words bubbling under her skin and barely fought to keep them back. "Look, I know I said it a million times before, but I am really sorry. For everything."
“Rory, you,” Keaton started. He wanted to say that she had nothing to be sorry for, but the thought of her bringing up Sean in their fight, it hurt him. “It’s okay now,” he said truthfully. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me about it. We both said things we weren’t exactly proud of. I know you’re sorry, it’s truly okay. I should really be apologizing to you.”
Rory shook her head, sitting up straighter. "No, stop just-" She let out a huff, trying to get her head in the right order. "Just let me say this. I'm not just sorry for the fight - though that's a major part of it, I was a fucking bitch. But, I'm sorry for everything since I got back from that quest. I was barely a person, let alone a halfway decent girlfriend." Her eyes moved away from him, focusing back on the dog as the words continued to spill out of her. "I was so determined to pretend that I was okay, so that people wouldn't worry about me, but I was a fucking wreck inside, and I know that you saw that, but I still just...kept it from you, I don't know." Her eyes now tilted up, willing away the shine that was now over her eyes. "I guess I'm just sorry that I put you through all of that."
Keaton sighed slightly. “Rory, you put me through that for like two months. I put you through that for five years,” he said. “You do not have to apologize for losing it. Everyone loses it eventually, it’s just a matter of when.” Keaton looked away from her for a moment, working up the courage to speak about what was on his mind. “I think I got so protective because I knew you were hurting and there was nothing I could do to help you because I couldn’t even help myself. I didn’t know what to do. You were the one who was always strong for me, and when I needed to be that person for you, I didn’t know how to be? I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard when I knew you weren’t ready. When I saw you go through this, I was scared honestly, I was scared that you were going to ignore it for so long and end up like I did. I want that for no one, especially not for you.”
Keaton shifted. “I don’t, I don’t know if Mikey told you, but over the summer when I left camp, I uh, had myself committed to this mental health facility. I’m not ashamed of that, really.” Keaton looked at her again. “I learned a lot this about coping and myself... and our past.” He sighed slightly. “What I’m trying to say is, you deserve a break for it, because losing it and putting me through it, it’s not weakness and it’s not bad, it’s just life. It sucks and it’s messy, but no one can even blame you for that. I admit, it definitely could’ve been handled a lot better on both our parts, but what matters is that you’re not losing it anymore.”
Rory wanted to speak up and defend him against himself, but the words wouldn't come out. Cause honestly? She couldn't fight the truth in them. She wasn't sure what she needed when she in the thick of her mental issues and breakdown, but everything that Keaton did to help only made her feel more overwhelmed. So she just stayed silent, letting him rant just as he did for her, looking back down at the dog in her lap when he talked about not wanting her to end up like him. She hated that found herself agreeing to it.
As he continued, her head flashed back up, eyes furrowed in confusion at the mentioning of a health facility. "No...Mikey didn't say anything to me." Probably because she spent a chunk of time not talking to Mikey much at all, but that wasn't the point. Acting on instinct, she reached around the german, resting her hand lightly on top of his. "I'm proud of you, though. A few years ago I never thought I'd be hearing you say this. That took a lot of strength, Keat. Everything's still a bit messy, but we're working on it, on ourselves, so I think it's steps in the right direction."
Keaton nodded in agreement with Rory. "I really am sorry for how I tried to go about everything, you deserved so much more than that, and I really understand and see that now. I'm sorry I didn't really get it before," he told her. Silence fell between the two for a moment, Keaton looked at her hand on his. He wanted to move his, but he honestly missed it. Though, he wasn't going to think too much of it.
"Would we just be able to start over? I mean, we wouldn't erase the years between us, obviously. Honestly, I don't think we could. More of like, start new? We've changed a lot over the last year, so it's not like we can just start from where we left off." Keaton looked at her again. "I would really like if we could start as friends again, honestly I've really missed being able to talk to my best friend. Without all the war, and the pain, and everything. Like actually be friends. That's if you're comfortable with that. If you're not, that's totally okay too, I'll understand if you're not."
A small, sad smile appeared on her face. "I think we both did. I'm sorry too." As the silence dragged on, Rory pulled her hand away, moving it to brush some hair out of her hair before returning it to lay gently against Sheep. She turned her head to look out at the lake, feeling a breeze of calm wash over her despite the conversation currently happening.
Keaton's next words cause a smile to grow on her face, not a full one, but it was a smile none the less. She thought back on their friendship before the war, at how happy they were and how well they fit together as friends. She did find herself missing that version of them, or at least the idea of those two people. "Yeah, I think i'd like that. It won't be easy, though I think both of us already knew that." She turned her head to look back at Keaton. "But I'm definitely willing to try."
Keaton nodded. "I think we both recognize that we need like just to be friends for a while, so it's worth a shot. I'm told I need to be a kid for once, rather than feeling like I need to take everything on," he shrugged as if it was like no big deal, but it was really something he struggled with, is struggling with. "If you're down, it would be really cool to do some things that we've never done as friends, like stupid teenager shit."
Nodding along to his words, Rory couldn't help but smiling a little bit as she joked. "You definitely do, I was always the more childish one between us." Loosening up would do wonders for Keaton, she had always thought that, and was glad to hear the same idea come from his own mouth this time around. "Yeah, sure thing. Just uh, you can text me whenever you have an idea."
Keaton nodded at Rory in response, a smile growing on his own face. "Will do."