#dacianq

[infidesalus]

Decebal: I had a wet dream about you last night. Trajan: Oh, really? Decebal: Yes! A horse kicked you in the face and I pissed myself laughing. Trajan: I hate you.

[infidesalus]

Decebal: Hey, Trajan...are you like, seeing anyone?

Trajan: *blushing* No, why?

Decebal: Oh well, I just thought maybe you should see a therapist or something.

[infidesalus]

Roman Officer: *Decebal being interrogated* In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Decebal: *turning to Trajan* How tall are you?

[infidesalus]

In an Alternative Universe

Decebal: Trajan died of natural causes!

Dacian Advisor: My king, you threw him off a tower!

Decebal: Gravity is natural!

[infidesalus]

Dacian Chief: The Romans that just camped on the Danubian shore can be real aggressive so it's important to take all necessary precautions when approaching for peacemaking.

Decebal in the background: [blows a war air horn at Trajan] GET FUCKED!!!

[infidesalus]

Decebal: Look, I know you're used to conquering and take all the spoils, but you should try to keep it chill and go live in peace back home, as we do.

Trajan: Great advice. Impossible to follow, but great advice.

[infidesalus]

Dacian Soldier: My king, who's that?

Decebal: ...Trajan.

Dacian Soldier: He's got a very punchable face.

Decebal: Yeah, I too noticed that.

[infidesalus]

In an Alternative Universe

Decebal: I recommend you to take a mud bath.

Trajan: *sickly, on his deathbed* Will it help me?

Decebal: Dunno, but you'll get used to the ground!