Football and tears
Each week during my taxi shifts I can be out of the house 2 or 3 evenings for a few hours at a time with Caelan’s football. Unfortunately, I don’t get paid to drive him everywhere, but Caelan definitely puts me through my paces for it. With a new arrival in the house, we need to think about how it would all work logistically.
Now, we’re only 5 weeks in, but I thought it would be nice to give Kasia those 2 hours on a Friday evening to do whatever she wanted. So I offered to take Ava with me. Half an hour there, hour session, half an hour back. Only 2 hours, it will be alright won’t it?
It was planned in advance to ensure Ava was fed, watered and ready to help me out in the build up. I had my super cool and stylish baby back pack, bottle of milk should she need a top up and my manly carrier as the day before she slept pretty well in there. I felt I was ready.
Just before we leave, the cry comes. It’s a really strong cry. Sounds like she wants to bring houses down with it. It started as we were leaving the house. The car seat made it worse. But I was on a tight schedule so I wasn’t looking to delay any further.
20 minutes of the car journey – crying. Each push of a cry was a jab to the head. Pounding away at mine and Caelan’s. Occasionally, we just turned to each other in silence, taking in each others’ pain.
After 20 minutes, she had fallen asleep. Soothed herself through the peaceful tones of crying. Me and Caelan finally had a conversation.
We got to football on time. Just. Caelan set off. I had different plans. Not before she woke up and began crying. Again.
I assembled my body armour, which by the way is pretty difficult to have on and place the baby into. However, I gathered myself and popped her in. Tears continuing, just a lot closer to my face and ears now. She settled in there really well before so I hoped as soon as I started walking this would be the case. It wasn’t.
Purposely not standing near any other parents to save face and not make them think I don’t know what I’m doing…because I had no idea what I was doing. About 15 minutes in and there was no sign of the tears stopping. Trying not to panic and not distract the lads and the coach in their season I headed inside where there were some changing rooms. I went in, with no one else around luckily. I put the bag down and got out my pre-prepared bottle to feed Ava with.
I settled down, and fed her. It worked, she was feeding and there was a brief moment of silence. In this moment I let out a big breath and looked up. I was on a wooden bench, in a changing room, holding my baby and a bottle. Not the type of scenario for a place I’m normally in where banter and expletives are flying around.
Anyway, we feed for about 10 minutes and I hope this brings peace with it. I also panicked a little bit encase someone was in the office and locked up, leaving me and Ava by ourselves. This didn’t happen.
Stepped outside. Tears.
They lasted for the rest of the session and 25 minutes more on the journey home.
Me and Caelan returned with headaches and could do nothing but let out a laugh.
Kasia did manage to shower in peace, but understandably wanted to check in with all the details from her first time without Ava by her side.
Hardly a success, but there will plenty more of those outings and I had to start somewhere.
