* something soft
jiho and @daeyongdx experience something akin to normal christmas festivities. surely it's too good to be true?
jiho usually spends christmas working. he gets holiday pay, and another nurse gets to spend the holiday with their families. it's not like he really has anything to do, so he might as well.
he'll visit his mother sometime this week and bring her a gift. she'll tell him he shouldn't have, and she'll give him whatever knick-knack she's learned to make this month in return. he'll get back to his apartment and find some place to display it as a reminder that things are better than they once were.
they aren't traditional christmases, but they're good christmases, at least to him. they aren't painful, at least. they're their best christmases yet. there's plenty of room for improvement, but it's always been hard for jiho to imagine. his most spectacular christmas memories are with his ex who might've killed him if jiho stayed with him. he can't help but feel like grand celebrations are all a farce, or at least any celebrations involving him.
he doesn't need them, though. he's sure it's an instance of him never experiencing it, therefore not knowing what he's missing out on. maybe next year he'll have enough money to buy his mother a tree and he'll take a night off and they'll decorate it with the ornaments she's been making since october.
in the meantime...it's his best christmas yet – maybe. he doesn't let himself think about it too much, out of fear that it'll ruin everything, but he can't deny that this year is better than most.
he knows it's because of daeyong. he knows, if he told daeyong this, he wouldn't believe it. he'd probably laugh it off – try to make a joke to keep jiho from noticing he doesn't know how to handle being something good to someone. jiho noticed a long time ago. there's a lot he knows about daeyong that daeyong hasn't told him – like the fact that if daeyong knew how much he knows about him, he would probably be uncomfortable and trust him less. so he doesn't say anything about it. besides, there's always more to learn about him. sometimes jiho is wrong about him, or doesn't have the full picture. he just tries to understand, and he listens, and he waits until daeyong is ready – to explain his thought process, to open up to him, to let himself...feel.
tonight is simple. everything feels easy. nevermind that jiho is bad at ice skating and wanted to buy far too many things at the district's makeshift christmas market, or that he was so eager to eat his carp bread that he burnt his tongue. it's no grand celebration, but maybe that's why it feels so good.
they spend a lot of time walking and looking at christmas lights, judging which displays look good and which could use some work, like either of them know anything about decorating for holidays. they make an armless, noseless snowman because all they have is a bunch of snow and rocks. jiho didn't wear suitable gloves for making a snowman, so he puts the soaked gloves in his pocket and daeyong holds his hand.
jiho uses his freezing fingers as an excuse to go back to daeyong's apartment and get out of the cold, even though he mainly does it because daeyong gets quiet. jiho doesn't know exactly why, but he knows what the calm before daeyong's storm looks like, and knows the storm is best kept somewhere more private than the city streets.
he only stops holding daeyong's hand once they're safely inside – just to unzip his jacket. he turns to daeyong before he even takes it off, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. his hand settles on his shoulder without jiho even realizing. he pauses. daeyong has that distant look in his eyes, like he's fighting some battle in another dimension.
"are you okay?" he asks, voice soft. he already knows the answer, but asking what's wrong is too demanding. daeyong doesn't have to tell him anything. jiho just wants him to be okay.
