Giving into Fear
This has literally been something I’ve been working on for a few months now and after a kind word, I was finally able to finish it. Thank you for your support @curiosity-loves-the-kitten !
She’s grown tired of fighting the demon and the offer certainly seems tempting.
“Remember: Take deep breaths and stay strong.”
Solas’ voice rang through her mind. While it was sound advice when dealing with demons, it was easier said than done. Nira tried to sever its grasp on her mind but it was all she could do was drown at his voice. Nothing she did seemed to help. Its voice rang loudly in her mind like a mighty bell.
Do you really believe that you have the strength to get rid of me, foolish girl?
Nira closed her eyes tight and covered her ears. She pressed herself up against the closest wall she could find, but in her despair, the Fade had become a lot less stable. The Fear demon had done this to her. It had caused her to lose her grip on her own mind. She had truly tried. With Solas’ help, she had grown stronger and more confident in her abilities. None of it had helped. The demon had grown far stronger than she had ever hoped he would become.
There is not much time left. You are weak.
“Go away...” Nira’sal’s voice was dry and weak from fighting it. Nothing she did seemed to make it leave her.
Your Inquisition shall fall just as your clan did. How could you possibly save them?
The words it repeated scraped along her mind, her mind rattling with the possibilities and what ifs the demon presented her with. Lifting her head, the demon had taken the form of her brother. Its usual tactic, but it seemed effective. Soren meant the world to her and it killed her inside to think that he was now gone. There was no way she could continue to fight this demon, especially not in this form. While she had tried with all her might, it persisted. All she had managed to do, even with Solas’ help, was push it back. After what happened in the Fade, after what she had seen with her own eyes, the demon knew it had her. It was only a matter of time before she would give up.
Corypheus was only getting closer and soon she would face him. It was quite possible that she would have to face him alone, just as she did at Haven. Soren kneeled in front of her, a wicked grin spreading across his face. His face contorted as it got closer to her, but she could still see her big brother. Her greatest failure.
Do you really think that your friends will stand beside you? How could they possibly have faith in you, when you do not even have faith in yourself? Without my help, you will face Corypheus and you will fall.
Nira’sal knew what they really thought. Even after she had been chosen as the Inquisitor, Cassandra continued to search for Hawke. She was no one's first choice. She was just who had fallen into their lap at the right time and place. Even when Hawke was left in the Fade, she had seen the messages that Leliana had sent to the Hero of Ferelden. She had seen the looks that Cullen and Josephine would share. While they would try to play it off, Nira had never led anyone. She had never had to make these kinds of decisions. She had been the First that no one wanted and now she was the Inquisitor that no one wanted. Even to the last moment, they had hoped that she would be replaced. And who could blame them?
While the others put up with her, no one took her seriously. And why would they? She had never given them a reason to do so.
You are useless to them. They no longer want you around. You have nothing to offer them. What could they possibly want from you?
Iron Bull and Blackwall brought their strength in battle. Nira could always count on them to take a hit. While Sera wasn’t always the most loyal of the bunch, she was always able to turn the battle on its head. Cole had found a new purpose now that he had embraced his spirit side. Dorian was smart and quick as a whip when it came to politics and battle. Vivienne was fierce and strong and while Varric wasn’t the strongest rogue she had ever seen, he was able to weave stories and had the ability to make you believe just about anything.
Solas...was kind and inhumanly strong. Nira had grown as a healer, but even Solas was better than her in that department. She was good for nothing and...
You are weak, but I can change that.
Tears streamed down her face as she concentrated on the face in front of her. She knew it was just a demon pretending to be her brother, but just having him in front of her, she finally felt herself losing her foothold in this fight.
I can make you strong. All you have to do is accept the gift that I offer and then you will have nothing to fear.
The words it spoke were comforting coming from her brother. He had always been a source of strength for her when she had no one else. She had become so tired of fighting and nothing she did made any sort of difference. She had played some hand in uniting Ferelden and Orlais against Corypheus, but the Inquisition could have done that without her with the help of the Champion. After Redcliffe, Haven had been destroyed. Helping the Grey Wardens, she had left the Champion of Kirkwall in the Fade. Each step forward, she had hurt someone. And now? She knew that Corypheus was going to win. Nothing she could do would change that.
Maybe with this demon’s help. They would have some sort of a chance.
Nira’sal looked up at the demon. She was tired. This demon had been after her since the very start. She had tried to fight it. Solas had tried to keep her strong, but this was who she really was. The elf that gave into her fear.
“Okay.”
The demon held out his hand. She looked at her brother’s hand. She wanted to be strong and brave just like he was. Soren wasn’t afraid of anything and Nira had always been jealous of that. Even he tried to toughen her up, but nothing ever worked. She was weak.
Take my hand and your fears will leave you. Let me help you.
She nodded her head and reached her hand out.
A snarl echoed from behind her that brought her back to her senses.
Suddenly, she felt herself being thrown to the side like a ragdoll. “You will not take her.” The voice spoke, a low growl emitting under his voice. More pain shot through Nira’s body as she regained control over her body and senses. With all the strength she could muster, she pushed herself up onto her hands and opened her eyes taking deep breaths with every small movement. Though the demon only had her for a few moments, it had completely zapped her of almost all of her strength.
You dare take my prey from me, Dread Wolf? She has chosen to accept her fear. Certainly, you would not deny her this.
“Shut up! You will stand down.” A menacing growl rumbled through the Fade, forcing Nira to look up at what was happening in front of her. A large black wolf lunged himself towards the demon and once again she could feel her mind go blank.
May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent da’len. The last thing he keeper ever said to her rang through her mind. Had he found her because she had fallen prey to her fears? Surely, that was it. She would be punished for what she had done. Her keeper had warned her and now...it was over.
Within moments, the demon had fallen. She had watched the Dread Wolf tear this Fear demon to shreds and now, the wolf made its way towards her. With each step, the wolf turned into something different, someone familiar. By the time he reached her, it was Solas that stood before her.
Solas knelt down a sad expression crossing his features as he looked down at her. Nira found herself unable to make eye contact with him. "Are you hurt? Let me look at you.” He grabbed her chin to look her over, but she immediately ripped it out of his hand and dropped it to the ground.
“Who are you?” Her mind was groggy and cloudy, but she knew what she just saw. Solas was...
Nira’sal jolted into an upright position, her face covered in sweat and unable to catch her breath. She closed her eyes for a moment before she was finally able to take in her surroundings. She was still in Skyhold. Everything was fine. It was all just a dream...wasn’t it?
“Are you alright?” Solas sat up from his sleep silently, placing a gentle hand on hers. The voice startled her but calmed her at the same time.
It was a dream. It was a dream. It was a dream. She repeated that in mind over and over again. She was unable to answer him. The vision of that thing slowly changing into her Solas had been engrained in her mind.
“Nira’sal,” Solas spoke calmly, placing a hand on her chin and forcing her to look over. “Are you alright?” His eyes grew more concerned with each silent moment that passed.
She curled her knees into her chest, trying to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks. “I-I’m okay...I think...The demon-”
“I do not think Fear will be haunting your dreams further. As I traveled the Fade, I felt his existence fizzle out completely. You have nothing left to fear.” Solas smiled softly, rubbing his thumb across her hand. She could tell how hard he was trying to comfort her, but his words seemed twisted and not quite right. She knew what she saw, but surely that wasn’t really him. Solas was kind and gentle and nothing like the tales she heard throughout her village. Were she even to suggest it, Solas would probably laugh in her face.
There was no way.
“Solas, I saw...”
“Shhhhh...It was all but a dream.” Solas continued to smile, laying back down in the bed, pulling her with him. “Rest now. I will watch over you as you sleep.” Nira cozied up into the crook of his arm, resting her head on his chest. She closed his eyes, allowing his warmth to soothe her. She took a deep breath. There was nothing to be afraid of. Solas was here. As if on cue, Solas held her tighter, placing a small kiss on the top of her head. “Ar lath ma, vhenan.”
It was a dream. It was a dream.
Solas could feel her drift back off to sleep. He took a deep breath. There was a possibility that he could play off the encounter as a dream, but he had to tread carefully.
Even were she to figure out the truth, it mattered not. Their face of with Corypheus was drawing near and soon they would have to part. His main goal before his departure was to rid her of the Fear demon that plagued her and now she would be free of it. She would live the rest of her life free of the demon and once word got around that the Dread Wolf was protecting this girl, no other demon would dare come close to her. With one more deep breath, he closed his eyes, simply enjoying the short time he had left with Nira’sal.
“Everything will be alright, da’len.”
Translations:
Ar lath ma, vhenan - I love you, my heart
da’len - young one
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Fen’harel enansal
