#dailyburden

[unfoldthisside]

I remember counting down the days to be with you. I grabbed my diary, draw big black boxes with the days in them and everyday with a red marker i’d cross one box. You shoud’ve seen how anxious it made me feel not knowing if you were to cancel it last minute. It’s nobody’s fault except mine for taking it too deep

I’m blue by you since 3rd december

[unfoldthisside]

this is not a short love story

but it’s funny. The beauty of the female face blows me away.

Last week I was on road code class and there was this girl sitting in front of me and she looked behind because someone was entering the room. As I saw her my eyes immediatly captured that moment so I had to draw it in my notebook to not forget it. My friends said it was weird and kinda creepy

Two days later I decided to pick up three very old film rolls that never got developed, and I’m so glad I did. One of them was from my 5th birthday I reckon.

It had a picture of me holding hands with a girl and my friend recognized her (they used to be in the same class in middle school). It was my first girlfriend back in kindergarten, the same girl I drew last week on my notebook

What a coincidence, thirteen years have passed and her eyes still amaze me 

[unfoldthisside]

I’m so sick of running away from everything that I want to change

[unfoldthisside]

Expect me, but if I realize that it will never work just know that I won’t be pissed about it because I’d rather live with rejection than with regret.

[unfoldthisside]

I stg that sometimes I feel like I’m getting better but a few seconds later I'm miserable again. It’s like my mind is constantly telling me that everything I do is just not enough and I find myself battling my own thoughts and it fucking destroys me.

Hate. Hate. Hate. 

What are we supposed to do since we have no control over our thoughts? I guess I’m the same angry kid that I used to be, but for different reasons.

I’ll embrace it

[unfoldthisside]

Golden days spent feeling like white dog shit :)

[unfoldthisside]

do you ever just miss someone so much to the point that you actually dream about them and wake up completely heartbroken

[unfoldthisside]

Cold feet

Dear diary, how I wish I was a pretty boy

For real, there’s something I never got the chance to tell you because we never hang out

It’s just so hard to have a conversation with you.. Don’t get me wrong it is my fault, most of the time I don’t really know what to say so people usually think I take too long to text back because I don’t give a crap. There’s not much going on in our lives right now and we don’t have much in common which makes it even harder.

Here’s one thing, I want to be a positive energy to those around me even tho I’m unfunny and always sad (be nice and force a smile) the reason I liked hanging out with you was being able to appreciate the moment without forcing any conversations. You made me feel so pure and, well, ironically made me want to chat. In my mind, we’ve crossed paths at the right time.

At the time I couldn’t approach any girl in the same way because she would immediately assume that I was trying to hook up with her. It was so different with you tho, I genuinely wanted to have a close female friend without really knowing why(?), I think it just comes down to personality like me not being very masculine.

I did my best to stay true to that mindset. Well, 3 months later I failed.

Am I just like the other guys? What can I do about it? She was a such a nice cute looking smart girl. 

It’s been over a year now and I’m fucked. We’re so distant. You and I don’t hang out. You probably lost interest but I still think about you every single day.

Fuck, I told myself I was gonna get some rest after the last post but there’s so much stuff going on in my head and not much in my life.

I hope one day we get the chance to drink coffee and I’ll tell you my side of the story and maybe I’ll get to know yours. (I wonder how things would’ve turned out if I was a better version a myself, maybe we’d be a cute couple, lovers and bestfriends)