Non compos mentis
I have no understanding for the things that have happened, as it first came to me in a disjointed, messy dream. Yet it felt far too real to dismiss it as purely conjecture, before it touched reality and all came to fruition.
Wanlieh told me to write everything down on the translation scrolls, where they can be set to be private forever. She told me that they were dangerous and inhibitive of the culture around us. They would find the markings of the scrolls, and have me killed for discussing matters of the outsiders beyond the wall.
I would not blame them, if that happened. I saw cities above active stars, felt the cries and screams of a far off land that turned to nothing. I heard the echoes of the internal voices of others around me. I understand the connection between this side of the wall and that side, and I know that there is more than nothing.
It came to me in a dream, but then came to me in a waking dream. Wanlieh pointed me as delusional and paranoid, and continues to do so in public to escape suspicion that something is happening to me. Now, as I move between the accepted levels of Damieyne, I am touched by the Phel around me, through me, and away from me.
The resonance is strongest when I approach the forbidden wall. It's as if the rest of what's out there is calling to me, but I have no way of getting there. Leaving the walls is forbidden on penalty of torture and death. Yet I have heard the cries of my... cousins. I have felt their pain. I have understood the madness of their... tormentor. I have felt the void that rests in... his... soul. And those around me laugh at my misfortune.
Where I stay, I am watched. I am mocked. I am considered uneasy, and unfocused. I have been eliminated from actions and work. I have been thrown from my domicile, and only my childhood friend Wanlieh accepted me in where others did not. Even she, I can hear even when she does not speak, is losing her wits. I will not bother her much longer, I will find a way beyond the forbidden wall, and she will not need to know the name Kizzik any longer.
I am the madman of the city of Qing.
I am the madman who will breach the wall and find the path to eternity.