I've had this book on my shelf for like a year and I haven't read it even though it's by a popular author and I KNOW I'll like it. I keep looking at it and going eh not yet. THe staRs! Not aligned ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Well today I was thinking perhaps it is time. So I read the synopsis and recognized a character's name... and then another... and then the plot...
ANyway apparently I already read it but have no idea when this was and now I need to buy the rest of the trilogy 🙃
Prompt 33 - "I want the truth." - Roceit - @thefingergunsgirl
(Sorry I made it platonic roceit, but I didn't make it angsty so you don't have to pick your broken heart off the ground.)
I was planning angst but then it turned soft and then I edited it and completely changed it again.There might be a part where their conversation changes suddenly, I’ve never written this much dialouge, sorry. Also this this is the longest thing I’ve posted, 1 279 words.
Fifty shades of grey is mentioned because I was trying to be funny, I’m not funny.
June 1st, 2019.
It had been almost a month since the wedding. In that time Roman had talked to each side, he'd rewatched and theorized over the videos, Roman searched for the truth. He did it because he needed to know if he was good, if Thomas was a good person. He learned that good and bad barely meant anything, but that didn't mean he was bad. Roman just didn't want to make the wrong decision again. He was scared about this interaction, but he needed to talk to one last side.
Roman took a deep breath to steel himself, and sunk down into Janus' room.
Replacing the TV was an expensive old-fashioned radio, to his right hung thick black velvet curtains, a few posters and a lamp resided where the stairs were supposed to be, and there, next to the nonexistent stairs, stood Janus.
He looked like he was expecting Roman, and of course he was, he was Deceit, he seemed to know everything that was happening. Although, for knowing he was coming, Janus looked suprisingly awkward. His abandoned gloves could be to blame, Roman recently had learned about his attachment to them.
"Roman, to what do I owe you the pleasure?" Janus smiled, it was small and apologetic and a smile. It was interesting to see such a smile on someone like Janus, Roman instantly wanted to run away. He forced himself to remember that every side was changing and evolving, a hero would have a civil conversation with him.
His previous talks with Virgil had helped him realize that good people can make bad choices without them being bad, and another conversation with Remus taught him that there were no heroes or villains in real life. Roman hoped he was a hero nonetheless.
The silence after Janus spoke continued to stretch out, willing to be broken. "I'm trying to learn stuff from every side, talk to them,” Roman took a deep breath. “You're the only one left to talk to."
Janus adjusted his hat. "Ah, talking, I'm horrible at that."
"These past weeks have made it clear that I am too." Janus snorted. "I just- I want to know the truth. Your opinions on everything too. I know we've all been thinking about… everything that has happened."
Janus shifted, "The truth? I don't think there's one definite truth here, Roman. I do know I was wrong to manipulate you. I suppose it was my way to change Thomas' mind without having to deal with you all. Sometimes I forget that us sides are an aspect of him and he relies on you, I have to convince all of you too. I still haven't learned how exactly to work with everyone," he gave a small laugh. "I do know I need to be more clear with you, and the others. You gave up a lot going to the wedding just under the name of being good, and truly, I respect that.
"I know I haven't had the pleasure to get to know you closely, Roman, but I know that you, and Thomas, need to come to terms with the fact that the world is made up of varying shades of gray."
"I'm not going to read Fifty Shades of Grey, if that's what you're asking of me" They both laughed softly, awkwardly. "I've talked to the other sides a lot recently, and they all have helped me understand some things better. It's surprising, but Remus has some pretty good morals and opinions."
"He does, you just have to ignore the other… comments." Roman nodded in agreement. "I'm glad you're not still setting yourself to the 'hero' standard." Roman pointedly looked down. "Seriously?"
"I'm a prince, I have to! I help people, I have to be good and make the right decisions."
"Sometimes there isn't a right or wrong decision. Going to the callback and lying about where we were wouldn't necessarily be good, but it also wouldn't be bad. At times you just need to pick what's best for you.
"I know you don't do that, you forget about yourself, sometimes. You care so deeply about everyone that you ignore yourself just to give them more room. You're so terrified of being wrong, of being bad, that you don't realize how impossible that standard is to reach."
There was so much truth in what Janus was saying, Roman wanted so badly to believe it. "I just want to be good," Roman said, finally. "I want to be a hero, they're loved and never wrong. Heros care about the people, not him- themself." He hoped that Janus wouldn't notice Roman speaking about himself rather than a general hero, but he was Deceit, of course he heard it.
"But real-world heros care about themselves too." Roman let out a small hum. "Thomas trusts you to make a decision to the best of your abilities, Roman. Trust him too, it's a good choice to trust you."
"No, he-"
"Trust him. You give him his love of acting and his creativity. You are his hero."
Roman bit his lip, suddenly looking scared. ".... Really?"
"Yes, even though there's no heroes or villains, you'll always be Thomas' hero, ask him yourself. And I know choices aren't going to get easier for us or Thomas, but we can all do it, together." Roman nodded, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "And by 'all of us' I mean all of us. Thomas needs us all to guide him."
"I know, and I'm coming to terms with that. All this change is just- it's so much."
"Growing up and learning is hard, but I think we'll be alright." Janus smiled. Maybe he was right.
"Thank you. I probably should apologize, I shouldn't have made fun of your name, Janus. I know that was a very vulnerable moment for you. I really need to learn to stop lashing out when I feel threatened. I hope you can forgive me, and from here on out, somehow we can try to learn to work together?"
"I would like that, Roman. I know we all just do what we think is best for Thomas. I accept your apology and hopefully you can accept mine. I don't think you're evil and neither is Remus."
Roman nodded, "I know, he just… gets on my nerves at times. I accept your apology, that whole video was a little bit of a trainwreck." Janus hummed in agreement. "I have had lots of free time to talk to everyone and may I ask… What in hell happened between you and Virgil?"
Janus laughed and pulled on his gloves. "That's a story for another time. By which I mean never." Roman rolled his eyes, they sat in their tentative silence for a second, hoping not to ruin everything again.
"I suppose I should go," Roman said finally. "We're filming another video, I… I hope to see you there."
For the embodiment of Deception, he did a bad job at hiding his surprise at the invitation. "I suppose I could show up and cause harmless trouble. Until then, have a good night, Roman."
“You as well, Janus.” And with that Roman slowly sunk out.
The conversation didn't go as bad as Roman expected. It was almost a nice interaction. Roman didn’t know when things would be ok, he just wished it would be soon. None of Thomas' sides truly knew what challenges would make themselves apparent in the future. But they would all keep going, together. They would try to work together, try to understand each other, and try to help each other in the ways they could. Trying was enough for now.
They'll be alright.
Anyways, I tried, I failed, you should go to sleep. Send me a prompt and I’ll write something short-ish and sanders side out of it eventually (you can pick a ship or characters if you like but I might change it). (I have a few in my inbox, sorry if it takes forever.)
