reader + what we do in the shadows household
(platonic/family)
ask: I’m desperately coping with the show ending, so do you suppose we could have some wwdits headcanons where the reader is a half-vampire and announces that they’re getting married?
- you’re probably pretty nervous to announce it, given the vamps aren’t known for being good with change. you dance around it for a while, hiding your engagement ring in your pocket and being paranoid about any love-life related questions.
- eventually you can feel yourself buckle under the stress, knowing you have to tell someone. it’s late when you knock on guillermo’s door, rushing inside the second he opens it.
“Hi? Hi! What’s going on, are you okay?”
You nod quickly, not knowing how to say it. Before you can chicken out, you pull the ring out of your pocket and slide it onto your finger. Biting your lip nervously, you extend your hand out. Guillermo has to physically cover his mouth to stop himself from letting out an excited squeak, but you can see his grin all over his face.
He grabs your hand, admiring the ring, “Oh my gosh, how long?”
Face splitting into a grin, you can feel yourself shaking the stress off your shoulders already. You’d been wanting to be excited with someone for so long. “Next month!”
His mouth drops as he looks up at you, “Have you told the others?”
Shaking your head slowly, you raise your hands into a prayer gesture, wincing slightly at it, “I was actually hoping you could do me a big favor and help out with that.”
- you guys spend the whole night on guillermo’s bed, sitting cross-legged trying to figure out the best way to launch it to the other members of the household.
- the next morning you both enter the kitchen exhausted, making nadja recoil in disgust, “Ew, why do you two look so… dead?” You both shoot her a look and she rolls her eyes, “You know what I mean.”
- it takes too long to gather everyone into the living room. every time you bring the last person in, the others have disappeared back into their rooms. and when you do get everyone sat down, laszlo won’t stop obsessing over the “sliding boxes” on the laptop. no matter how many times you explain what a slideshow is, he can’t grasp it.
The slideshow starts easy, with a few pictures of you and your partner early into dating. You explain who it is and how you guys met. Nandor isn’t paying attention, busy trying to untie his double-knotted boots. Nadja and Laszlo are on thin ice, only paying attention to giggle and point at every single transition in the slideshow. Colin is paying far too much attention, trying to give you tips on how to improve your ‘slideshow game’ while you do your best to ignore him.
Nevertheless, Guillermo shoots you a thumbs up and you keep going. The next pictures are more recent, various adventures the two of you had gone on together. You get to the second to last slide, a picture taken of both of you, your partner’s hand behind their back. You glance up to see that no one has picked up any hints you were putting down. Looks like a soft-launch is off the table.
Clicking through to the last slide, you reveal the ring on your other hand, waving it in front of everyone to get their attention.
“I’m getting married!”
Laszlo reacts first, standing up and stomping his foot, “Absolutely not! I will not have you sold off without me knowing about it, unless we are in dire need of livestock.”
You cock your head in equal parts confusion and annoyance. Next to him, Nadja stands up slower, hands outstretched, “Laszlo, you dumbass! As usual, you’ve got it all wrong, they’re getting married like idiots because they want too.” It’s oddly tender, coming from her, and you can feel your eyes tearing up.
She grabs your hands, eyes watering, “I’ve always wanted to be a plant woman.”
Glancing behind her, you see Guillermo mouth ‘flower girl’ and mime throwing petals. Smiling, you squeeze her hands, “You will absolutely be our plant woman, I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Laszlo sticks out a hand, weirdly formal. You drop Nadja’s hands to cautiously shake his. He nods sharply, “Although I only believe in the marriage between me and my darling wife, I truly hope you beat the odds. Or more likely, give an honorable attempt at beating the odds.” Smiling, you can sense the genuine congratulations behind his mildly judgmental words.
Colin rises from the couch, corners of his mouth ever so slightly upturned, “This is very good, I’ve always wanted to bake a wedding cake.” You look at him, letting out a slight laugh of disbelief, “Colin, did you say you’re happy for me?” He stares back, “I don’t think so, but if that’s what you heard, I’ll let it slide.” You can’t help but shoot Guillermo a surprised look, and then nod quickly to Colin, “It’s…appreciated? I hope you don’t take it personally that I can’t allow you to make a toast at the wedding.”
He nods, “I understand, but it’s actually quite interesting how toasts came to be, especially in the context of-,”
Nandor interrupts, picking a perfect time to pitch in, “You’re- really getting married?” He gestures between Nadja and Laszlo, “Like… them?” He’s clearly grossed out, but makes a clear effort to try and hide it. The effort is appreciated and you nod, “Not exactly like them, I hope.” You make an apologetic glance in their direction, “No offense. But yeah, I’m getting married for real.”
He looks dramatically towards Guillermo, “Must everyone flaunt their happiness in my face?” Guillermo rolls his eyes, “Can you please just be supportive?”
Knowing Nandor’s delicate feelings about weddings and change and love, you sit down next to him on the couch, “Hey.”
He pretends not to hear you, pouting in defiance. You take a breath, smiling despite yourself, “Nandor, I wanted to ask you something. It’s really important, please listen.” You see him perk up slightly, still looking down. Putting a hand on his shoulder, you let out a resigned breath, “Would you like to write a speech for my wedding?”
Spinning around to face you, he stifles a smile, “A speech?” You nod and he lets a grin force it’s way onto his face as he gives you an energetic yet slightly awkward side hug, “Yes! And it’ll be the best speech I’ve ever written. Long, and- and with a lot of words.”
You lean over to whisper to Guillermo, “Will you please proofread that speech?” He nods worriedly, keeping an eye on Nandor as the vampire gestures widely.
Nadja and Laszlo push you to the side, sitting on the couch beside you. Guillermo looks down the couch at everyone, “Guys, let’s be as helpful as possible, okay? Weddings take a lot of planning, even in the last month.”
Everyone nods eagerly, and you feel your chest go warm. Though sometimes clumsy and emotionally immature, hearing everyone excitedly discuss absolutely ridiculous wedding ideas is somehow the sweetest gesture ever. Nadja is talking to Guillermo about finding ‘some of those dancing shirtless people’ for a party, Laszlo is concerningly preoccupied with a topiary sculpture to commemorate your day, Nandor is reciting speech ideas out loud, and Colin is pretending not to look up cake recipes on the laptop.
- the actual wedding goes beyond fantastic. nadja is a lovely flower girl, even with doll nadja sitting in the flower petal basket. nandor’s speech is surprisingly heartfelt, even more so when guillermo admits he didn’t help all that much. laszlo insists he’s going to walk you down the aisle, whether you like it or not. colin is trying very hard to walk the line of making the full vampires chill out without putting them to sleep. it’s his idea of a wedding gift. guillermo also makes sure they don’t wreck too much havoc, and that they confuse your older relatives as little as possible.