Hawk Nelson. Hawk Nelson. Hawk Nelson. Hawk. Nelson. Oh, my goodness. Nobody has any idea what I've been through with this band! I remember the first song I listened to. I was twelve, sitting on my couch being angsty, and listened to Things We Go Through. I was instantly hooked. My obsession was past the point of obsessing-- after traveling out of state as often as I could to see them play and 15+ concerts in a year, I lost track. I've been with them since the very beginning.
I met them, I snuck into their tour bus, I have autographed drumsticks, posters, shirts, CDs. They recognize me whenever they come to Oregon. I tied Jason's shoe onstage. Hung out with Benner after Revolve. Bought cotton candy for them. Had Myspace conversations with Jason (back in the day...) Got caught by security guards outside their bus. Found their hotel room, sent them fan mail, I know their names and their families names and where they live, I know their favorite songs and favorite foods and favorite places to tour. I memorized and downloaded all the songs on Saturday Rock Action. I remember rewinding Cheaper by the Dozen over and over just to hear Bring Em Out. I remember Matty and Skwid and Jason dating Lizzie. I remember jumping up and down on my bed and singing into a hairbrush while listening to Something on My Mind, and bawling face down on the floor to Zero. I remember the first time I saw them live, screaming so loud that the people around me got pissed off and moved away, giving me dirty looks. I remember waiting five+ hours just to be in the front for their shows. I've never NOT been in the front for one of their shows. I remember the security guards at the venue KNOWING who I was and letting me go up front just for them. I remember how giddy I got when I grabbed Jay's water bottle. God, I remember everything. I worshipped them, memorized every line of their podcasts, stalked Lenay with jealousy. I literally stalked them-- not to be scary, but looking back, it was reallly crazy, hahaha.
I have too many memories and feelings for these boys and I honestly can't ever put it in to words, no matter how much I try, it just isn't possible. I literally love them, not just as a band. I love them. And as creepy or stupid as it might sound, I do and I always will. They stopped coming around as much, and I stopped listening as much-- but I never stopped loving them, and every time, to this day, that I hear a Hawk Nelson song, I belt the lyrics at the top of my lungs and get this amazingly happy nostalgic feeling.
Hawk Nelson quite literally saved my life, and saved me from falling into an even deeper pit than the one I was stuck in at ages twelve and thirteen. I remember Jason talking about cutting and saying that everything would be okay, and I just remember their music healing me, literally. It made me feel whole. I get so emotional when I talk about them. It just makes me cry, because honestly, nobody could possibly understand what they've done for me.
I'll be seeing them on Friday, and yesterday, I found out Jason was leaving the band. I felt my heart crack. I literally sat down at work and cried. I'm very happy for him, and I'm happy that he's pursuing his dreams. But I just cannot come to terms with this being the last time I'll see them all together. Those are my boys. This Friday will be one of the greatest, and saddest days of my life. It's been a great five or so years, guys. Thank you.