It comes in flashes every timeâ
It comes in flashes every timeâbursts of colors, images of memories, bouts of emotions. They come and they go, sometimes in the blink of an eye and others in an episode of full volume.
Just now, there was a burst of color: mint teal was the first thing that came in my mind, but it was more turquoise or aqua. It was the color of my hoodie you borrowed when you were cold. It contrasted your formal white shirt and dark slacks so much that I laughed when you were begging me to let you borrow it. You were off to meet a former colleague for a drink and I wanted to tag along, but for reasons you know I had to go home. So we went for a quick drink before your meeting to a restaurant with stark white walls that contrasted the dark inner bar as we went deeper inside. We shared pink kisses in between sips of golden beer. I remember walking vast distances in the greens and greys of the concrete jungle just to reach you, and by then I already should've known.
One time, it was an image of the memory: I walked for a few minutes from a meeting of my own. I thought that it didn't matter the distance I was treading as long as it lead to you. We met at the coffee shop where we first held each others hearts in our own, the sickly sweet smell of donuts permeating the small rooms air. You had your arms tight around your chest because you were so cold in your thin shirt and slacks. I laughed and took off my own hoodie for you to wear, even though it severely ruined your serious corporate look. We walked hand in hand to that small restaurant we never visited because it was way out of our budgets. but you said this was an exception because you were meeting a colleague. I didn't have long to spend with you, so we ordered two beers and you stole me kisses in between sips of ice cold light beer. And as quick as I downed that single bottle, I gave you a final kiss and once again treaded the distance from one side of the overpass to the other side of the underpass. As beads of sweat dripped from my temples and my heart quickened its beating and my breath became shallow with effort, by then I already should've known.
Years ago, it was the bouts of emotions: my phone vibrated and chimed with your ringtone. I answered and heard your sweet voice telling me that you were in our coffee shop and asked if maybe I could drop by. Hearing you say our coffee shop made me feel all sorts of tingly feelings all over my body. I smiled involuntarily and asked if maybe he'd come to the park where I just finished my meeting. His tone suddenly changed, I could hear it through the phone. It was subtle, something I wouldn't have noticed if I'd only known him for a few weeks. He told me he had a meeting in that area and he couldn't leave easily. I told him I was at the other side of the business district and that, besides, if he walked the shorter distance from where he was to a halfway point, then we could meet even for just a while. He was quiet for a moment then said that he had a meeting with a colleague in a while. I was confused how he didn't see my logic to be reasonable, but I didn't want to keep explaining and asked him what time the meeting was instead. He said it wasn't in an hour or two. It only took 10 minutes to walk the distance between us, I knew that because I've done so countless of times in the five days I spent in this city. I took a deep breath and told him that I was on the way. I bid my colleagues goodbye and walked as fast as I could to where he waited on the other side. I was nearby when I peeped at my watch and I saw that I had made it to him in only eight minutes. A new personal record, I thought. It was a hot day then and my 8-minute record rendered me a bit breathless, but when I saw him, it didn't matter if my baby hair stuck on my face and I was tired from walking. I went in for a hug and his cold skin met my warmth. It was like he'd been there for a while. He kissed my forehead and took my things. I sat down and caught my breath. I saw his small cup of iced coffee on the table, then to him hunched over and bundled as tight as possible. I asked him if he was cold, even though it was painfully obvious, something he pointed out. I just laughed and gave him my aqua hoodie. Shrugging it on, I thought it would be a bit small for him, but it turned out just right. Still I laughed at how he looked, my bright hoodie making his corporate look softer and cuter in a way. He laughed along and shook his head. Then he asked if I wanted to go, of course I asked where. He said that he'd like to go to the restaurant already for the meeting. I asked if his colleagues were there already and he said no, he just wanted to make sure they had seats already. I looked at my watch and said the meeting won't be in 30 minutes, but he said he wanted to be early just in case they didn't get seats. It was a Tuesday, a dead day, and I really couldn't understand why he insisted on it so much. I asked where it was and he said it was that restaurant we always wanted to try but couldn't afford. But, I said, that would be even farther from here and he knew I couldn't stay out late tonight but he said that it's okay, he'd buy me a beer if I wanted to because he knew how much I badly needed to destress with a bottle of beer. So even if I was confused and unsure, I said yes. We walked there hand in hand, passing by the buildings and people in the rush to go back home and hopefully beat the traffic. We arrived at the restaurant and, true to my inner predictions, it was barely full. We went in and found a table for six. He waved over a waiter and asked for two bottle of beer. Quickly, I added two glasses of water to the waiter's list. We were side by side and he placed his arm around my shoulders. Involuntarily, I leaned on his shoulder in comfort. When the beer arrived, we clinked our bottles and sipped the ice cold beer, feeling it cool my body down after all the walking I'd been doing on this hot day. I closed my eyes in contentment and when I opened them, he was looking at me with a smile in his eyes and on his lips. In minuscule movements, he moved fast and slow at the same time, leaning in toward me suddenly. Involuntarily, my body responded and reacted as it would and our lips met. He tasted of the bittersweet beer I both loved and hated at the same time. When he drew away, I lightly smacked his arm and asked him what that was. He just laughed and kissed my forehead again. And because I was stressed and confused and tired, I let this single bottle of light beer linger in my senses and go up to my head so I could laugh a bit louder at his seeming jokes and middling stories. All too quick, I absentmindedly brought my bottle to my lips and was surprised to see that it was all empty. With that, I told him that I had to go now and it's getting late. He gave me his sweet eyes and pleaded me to stay for a while longer, offering to pay for my dinner even just so I could stay. I had to say no. He said okay and well, he had to stay there and wait for his colleagues. I knew I could say nothing else but an okay. He asked me if I would be okay and I said yes, don't worry about me because I'll be fine. He gave me a final kiss before I stood up and gathered my things. Before exiting the restaurant, I gave one last look at him sitting at the far end of the room. He already had a second bottle of beer on his lips, just setting it down with an expressionless look on his face. As I was walking to the bus terminal, I slowed my steps down and recounted everything that happened that afternoon. I tried sorting out the thoughts and emotions going through my head, ignoring the vibrations of my phone that signaled messages from you. I stepped foot in the terminal and checked the time, surprised to find that my 20-minute walk turned into a 30-minute one. I sat down in the bus and found that the initial elation I felt when I first picked up his call that afternoon slowly deteriorated into something I couldn't figure out then as I was on the ride home. By then, I feel like I should've known something I didn't know at the time.
Maybe because it's always been there all along.
â â â â â
((iâm terribly sorry for the wall of text but hereâs to me hoping you guys understand the creative decision behind it hahahehe))














