telling people your favorite sdv npc is kent is always a rocky slope.
they automatically assume you want him / want to ruin his marriage and I!! DONT!!!!
i just want to look at him under a microscope and inspect his brain matter and the inner machinations of his mind..
i've spent MONTHS diving into his character and analyzing him and writing a pre canon backstory..
plus, i adore him AND his wife. like?? they're literally so perfect together and it lowk makes me upset to see kent/jodi shipped with people who aren't each other..
like i even made two ocs just for the purpose of a) one of them being jodi's older brother and b) both of them being kent's best friends..
as i mentioned before, i have been thinking about ial for a Long Time, soo i decided hey, why not write up a little scene and share it with you all.
a few things before we dive into it: you may notice some names are a bit different than they are in fsioy, this is because a few characters got hit with the canon to oc beam and this is no longer a fanon universe, but my own personal creation :)) so kent > ken, jodi > josie, and willy's name stayed the same but, hes an oc rather than the sdv one.
secondly, this - or at least 85% of it - is also what happened between chapters 9-10 of fsioy, so you can reread with this new context, if youd like. the rest of it is what would have happened "in another life" or a universe where the scenario shifted just slightly and things didn't go wrong. mainly, nobody dies and the two end up together <3
essentially, if you ever wondered what danny said to lee between chapters (and what lee would have replied had ch 10 not happened), this is for you, my lovelies.
now, on with the show! （｡>‿‿<｡ ）
word count: 12,732 (oops ;;; got carried away)
warnings: descriptions of anxiety attacks, mentions of homophobia, mentions of bullying, mentions of parental trauma
PRESENT DAY
Danny sat on the edge of the couch, a blanket draped over his lap. He absentmindedly chewed on his lip and appeared deep in thought.
Lee entered the room, a wide smile plastered across his face.
“Hey,” Lee called out as he walked closer to where Danny was perched on their shared furniture.
Danny looked up, momentarily shaken from his thoughts at the sound of his husband's voice.
“Hey you,” he replied warmly. Danny instinctively opened his arms and, as if on cue, Lee flopped down next to him before wriggling his own arms around Danny’s waist - nestling himself in between Danny and the arm rest of the couch. Danny gently rested his arms around Lee’s shoulders, to which his husband responded by laying his head against Danny's chest.
“What are you up to?” Lee asked, glancing up at Danny with a curious expression.
“Mm, just thinking,” Danny answered.
“About?”
“You, actually,” Danny admitted. A small, cheeky smile spread across his mouth as he watched Lee’s eyebrow raise.
“Oh yeah?” Lee paused for a bit, taking in Danny’s expression with slight suspicion. He continued, though there was a small nervousness in his voice, “All good things, I hope?”
Danny gave a small laugh, though he nodded and said, “The best.”
“Tell me about it?”
“Well, for starters,” Danny began, moving his left hand and glancing at the ring nestled on his finger. He gave a soft smile and continued, “Our anniversary is soon. Can you believe we have been married over twenty years?”
“Has it really been that long?” Lee asked, though Danny simply responded with a small nod.
“Damn, that makes me feel old,” Lee joked.
“You are old, Lee,” Danny teased, though Lee rolled his eyes.
“Hey!” He exclaimed, pursing his lips into a small pout. “You're older than I am, Daniel,” he protested.
“By four months.” Danny retorted with a small huff. However, there was no real annoyance in his voice.
“Still older than me!” Lee replied.
Lee spoke once more, a reminiscent look on his face, “Man, it feels like we started dating yesterday.”
Danny nodded again and his smile grew.
“That's what I was thinking about, actually,” Danny admitted. He paused for a bit, thinking, before adding, “Well, I was more thinking about.. what happened before then. You know, when I confessed to you.”
Lee nodded. He remembered that day very well - he even considered it one of the happiest days of his life. A small, content sigh slipped past his lips.
“That was a good day,” Lee said, his tone very soft and affectionate.
“It was, wasn't it?” Danny agreed. “Even though I was so nervous I felt like I was going to explode.”
“Oh?” Lee raised an eyebrow. He looked at his husband, a small amount of disbelief crossing his features. “You were nervous?”
“Yeah..?” Danny replied, his face contorting in confusion, “Couldn’t you tell?”
Lee shook his head, “No..”
Lee, of course, could tell. He knew Danny’s mannerisms just as well then as he knew them now. It wasn’t hard for him to notice when Danny felt anxious or upset. He simply chose not to bring attention to it - usually preferring to comfort him without making him feel awkward about it.
“Well, I’m glad about that, at least,” Danny chuckled.
“I.. uh.. spent hours in front of the mirror.. Trying to give myself the courage to finally tell you, practicing what to say, you know,” Danny explained. He rubbed the back of his neck and added, “It... was kind of embarrassing, to be honest.”
“I don't think it's embarrassing,” Lee said as he shook his head, a small frown forming on his lips. “It's.. cute, actually. Endearing. Knowing you put that much effort into doing something for me, that is.”
“You know,” Lee started. He pursed his lips together, thinking back to that day. He only really knew how the events went down from his point of view. He hadn’t considered how different things were from Danny’s perspective. Lee continued, expressing this very thought, “I never asked what that day was like.. From your point of view, I mean.”
“That’s true..” The brunet acknowledged. Danny sat there, puzzled. His face scrunched up slightly as he tried to remember if Lee ever mentioned his own recollection of the events. Surprisingly, his mental search came up quite empty. He turned to Lee, a small frown on his lips, and confessed, “Now that I think about it.. I never asked you, either.”
“Hmm,” Lee hummed, a sudden thoughtfulness coming over him. He continued, “Oh, I know! How about you tell me what happened that day? At least, what happened before and after we spoke.”
“Ah.. I don't know..” Danny wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly felt embarrassed about sharing his experiences with Lee. He hadn’t told anyone the extent of what happened - not even Josie, and he told his sister everything.
“C’mon, Dan,” Lee begged, an over exaggerated pout on his lips. “I can tell you what it was like for me, too. Does that sound fair?”
“Well..” Danny started, pursing his lips together as he thought about Lee’s request.
He wasn’t sure why he was so apprehensive. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share his adventures with Lee, no, Danny would happily tell Lee anything he wanted to know. Despite this, he found himself hesitating. Maybe it was because Danny didn’t want Lee to feel guilty about how anxious he had been that day? That was probably it, he concluded.
Danny knew Lee, which meant he also knew his husband had a tendency to blame himself for others’ negative emotions. Since his anxieties stemmed from thoughts of Lee, Danny could only assume how well he would handle the new knowledge. On the other hand, Danny knew that this was something he really wanted to share with Lee. Besides, he wanted to hear about Lee’s experiences as well.
He glanced at Lee, listening to his words as he continued to think. Danny felt own curiosity grow. “I have always wondered what you were doing in the two hours you ‘went to think’.”
“Okay,” he answered finally, giving a small nod towards his husband, “I’ll tell you.”
…
JULY 15, 1999
Danny had been thinking about Ken’s words since their conversation, rotating the words in his mind as he stared at the wall ahead of him. He had been stationed in the medical tent today. Luckily, the workday was rather slow, so Danny had been put in charge of the busywork - sorting papers, filing documents, and the like. It wasn't an extremely important task, but it was important enough that he needed to pay close attention to what he was doing, which he was currently, well, not doing. At least not as well as he could have, if he was not distracted.
He tried to busy himself with his daily tasks - practically begging his mind to focus on something other than his thoughts -, but it was clear his heart wasn't really in his work. He couldn’t seem to focus on the documents in front of him, and he was sure his supervisor would take notice of his distracted nature.
And, notice he did.
“Sawyer,” a voice called out as footsteps approached Danny’s work area.
Danny gulped and looked towards the voice. He knew that voice all too well. It was his supervisor.
“Uh.. Yes, sir?” Danny answered. As the man moved closer, Danny felt himself shrink under his gaze. This was one of the last things Danny needed right now.
“Everything alright, son?” the man asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked over Danny’s shoulder, glancing at the stack of papers in front of him - the stack that seemed only slightly smaller than it had an hour ago.
Danny followed his gaze towards the papers. His lips formed together into a small line. “Yes, sir, everything is.. fine.” He replied, hoping the pause in his words wasn't as evident as it felt.
“Are you sure?” The man questioned, squinting harshly. “You seem a bit… distracted, Private.”
Danny bit down on the inside of his lower lip. How could he possibly explain what was occupying his mind at that moment? How would someone explain that he was debating telling his friend that he had a crush on him? More importantly, how could he explain that he was only distracted because he was thinking about said friend.
“One-hundred percent,” Danny answered, sending a half-hearted smile towards his superior (one he hoped didn't read as a grimace).
“Alright, well..” The man pointed towards the documents before giving a dismissive wave of his hand, “Just.. pick up the pace, would you?” Danny nodded before silently returning to his work.
He picked up the document stack and tried to steer his wandering mind away from his thoughts of Lee, however, he would be lying if he said he was successful in doing this. Every time he'd make some progress, or there'd be a lull in the workload in front of him, his mind seemed to drift away.
He found himself glancing at the clock, simply to check how much longer he had in his shift, but the next thing he knew, Danny’s train of thought changed tracks and he found himself thinking about Lee once again. He knew Lee was always late, so he could almost picture him staring at a clock very similar to this one before rushing to find his misplaced uniform.
Danny smiled to himself as the image filled his mind and the tiniest amount of warmth covered his cheeks, though he was quick to shake himself out of it. Come on, Danny, he mentally scolded himself, stop getting distracted. He needed to return to the task at hand.
He urged himself to focus, tearing his eyes away from the clock. It worked, for a few moments, then his thoughts began to roam once more. He let out a low noise of frustration. Why couldn’t he just focus? Danny normally didn't find it this hard to pay attention, but it seemed like the harder he tried to ignore his thoughts, the more one thing - well, one person, really - seemed to fill his mind. He needed to finish his workload so he could talk to Lee and (hopefully) clear his head.
Danny glanced down at his (now much smaller) stack of documents, and pursed his lips together. As he was inspecting them, he noticed they were not marked as “priority”. This gave him an idea.
He stood up and straightened his workplace, then he slowly approached his boss.
Danny cleared his throat, getting his attention, “Um, excuse me, sir?”
“Yes?”
“Well.. I was looking at the remaining documents,” Danny started, motioning back to his own desk. “They’re not marked ‘priority’.. so..”
“I was, um, wondering,” He spoke, though he was trying to work up the courage to finish his sentence. Eventually, he took a deep breath and added, “I was wondering if I could leave early today. I’ll come in early tomorrow and stay later. I.. I’ll, um.. tidy the tent, sort the supplies, anything-.”
“Danny,” his supervisor interrupted, holding his hand up. Danny nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek, waiting for the response. The man continued, “That won’t be necessary, son. It's a slow day, so go ahead and take off.”
“Are you sure?”
“You’re a good kid, always on time and you rarely ever mess up,” he praised, giving Danny a small pat on his shoulder. “You don't have to make up for anything. Just.. take the afternoon off and deal with whatever has been bothering you, alright? That’s all you have to do.”
“Thank you, sir,” Danny replied, exhaling a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. He turned and walked towards the tent’s entrance.
“Enjoy your afternoon, Private Sawyer.” The man called out as Danny exited - the tent’s flaps still moving with the wind.
Danny buzzed with excitement and glanced toward his watch. Judging by the time, Lee would still be in the cabin. If he hurried, he might be able to catch him before he left. However, as he walked closer to Cabin Five, his excitement began to fizzle out. In its place formed a large ball of nervousness. He had been thinking about it all day, yet, as the time drew closer he realized he didn't have any idea of what to say. Nor did he know how Lee would respond once he said it.
He stared ahead, noting that the cabin’s door was only a few feet in front of him. He saw Lee’s head in the window and his heart began beating faster; a faint, fluttery tightness formed in his stomach. Danny was used to this, after all, he’d dealt with it for months now - ever since that game of truth or dare - but now it felt different, decisive. Was his crush really worth it?
Danny made a mental list of pros and cons: he thought about how happy Lee made him, he thought about that feeling he got whenever he was around, and he thought about how he could never stay mad at him - no matter the antics.
But.. he also thought about the consequences: if someone found out about it, the two of them could be kicked out of the military, plus they’d face ridicule from, well.. everyone. Not to mention, Danny had already experienced the ridicule, the teasing, hell, even the name calling, first hand. He could only assume how much worse it would get, especially for Lee. He thought about their friendship. Could he really risk putting Lee through that? Danny felt even more uncertain. Was he making the right decision?
What if the others began to harass Lee because of it, because of him? What if, after he told him how he felt, Lee decided he never wanted to speak to him again? Worse: what if Lee became disgusted with the thought of it and with the thought of him? Danny didn’t know if he could live with that.
His palms suddenly felt clammy and, despite being outside, he now found it hard to breathe. Danny paced back and forth, desperately trying to calm himself down. It didn't work.
I can’t do this, he thought as his heartbeat began throbbing in his chest. The sound of his blood rushing through his veins loudly pulsed in his eardrums, completely overwhelming his senses. Oh, I can’t do this.
His throat contracted, his mind still racing with “what if” scenarios. He suddenly felt nauseous. Of course, Danny knew what was happening instantly - especially since he had lived with anxiety for nearly all of his life - but a part of him was still surprised at how fast (and unexpectedly) it could sneak up on him. Maybe he was more nervous than he had originally thought. After all, he hadn't experienced an attack like this in months.
Danny glanced around - looking for somewhere, anywhere, that would help him calm down. His eyes landed on the bathroom building a few feet away. He sprinted towards it.
As soon as he entered, Danny hunched over the sink, grabbing onto the smooth porcelain bowl. His breathing began speeding up and, soon enough, he was hyperventilating. He gripped his chest - as if his hand would stop his heart’s rapid beating. His other hand tightened around the sink basin - holding on tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. The room around him began spinning. He felt dizzy - and like he was going to hurl - but he desperately tried to keep his feet planted on the ground. It didn't seem to work, and he began swaying from side to side. Just as he was sure he was about to fall and crash against the ground, strong arms caught him.
“Are ye alright, lad?” the voice belonging to the arms asked, carefully helping Danny stand upright. He continued, “Ya look a little …pale..”
It took Danny a moment to comprehend the words being spoken to him, but all he could do was shake his head.
“Can't..” he struggled, gripping his chest once more, “Can't breathe..”
“Anxiety,” he started again, his words coming out between large gasps for air, “anxiety attack.”
“I got ya,” the man replied as he guided Danny towards the wall before helping him down into a sitting position. “It's alright, I got ya,” he repeated.
“Danny,” he said, trying to get Danny’s attention, “I need you to look at me, son.” It took Danny a moment to realize, but he urged himself to glance up.
“I’m goin’ t’ help ya, okay? Just.. do what I do,” the man explained. He began taking deep breaths - moving his hands to show the in and out motions to help Danny breathe along.
Danny tried his best to follow the man’s directions, but his mind was still racing. With time, and the constant help and reassurance from the man, Danny’s breathing soon returned to normal, his heart rate slowing, yet he still felt nauseous..
“Now, what’s got ya all.. anxious?” The man, who Danny finally recognized as Willy, asked. Willy rested a careful, fatherly hand on Danny’s shoulder as he spoke again - his tone serious. “They ain't picking on you again, are they?”
“No, no,” Danny replied, shaking his head. “Nothing like that, Willy. Don’t worry.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s..” He began, pursing his lips and grimacing slightly, “hard to explain?”
“Ahh, I see,” Willy replied with an understanding nod. He squinted at Danny - scrutinizing him with an up-and-down glance over - before adding, “Ya havin' some love trouble?”
“Um,” Danny sputtered. If Willy was able to deduce that from a simple glance, Danny could only assume how obvious it was to everyone else. A faint blush crept across his cheeks. He mumbled, “Something like that.”
“Well, tell yer ol’ pal Willy about it,” Willy encouraged. He squeezed Danny's shoulder and said, “I have a feelin’ I might be able to help.”
“Err.. That’s nice of you, Willy, but..”
“But ye don’t think I’ll understand?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve heard a lot in my time. Nothin’ you say will surprise or upset me, I promise ya.”
Danny thought for a moment. He looked at the man in front of him - really looked at him. He felt Willy was trustworthy enough. After all, he had helped him in the past, but Danny decided to play it safe.
“What do you do if there's this g- ..person..” He began, quickly cutting himself off and changing the word “guy” to “person”. He continued, “and you really like this person, but.. you don’t know if said person feels the same way?”
“And, like.. you’re friends with this person, so you don't want to ruin that.. and you also feel like this person liking you back is.. nearly impossible. As in.. not even an option..”
“But.. it’s eating you alive because every time you see this person, your chest gets tight and your heart starts pounding, and.. you really, really don't want to ruin things between the two of you. But, at the same time, you want this person so badly because.. because..” He trailed off, his face flushing a deeper crimson.
“Because?” Willy asked, listening intently.
“You can't stop thinking about how it felt when h- .. this person kissed you. And.. and you'd give anything to experience that again. But you're so scared of what will happen.. and you don't want to lose this person because you value the friendship you have.”
“Well..” Willy started. He hummed faintly, brushing his hand along his scruffy beard as he thought of a reply. “Do you know why you're scared?”
“I don't know.. Rejection?” Danny answered, shrugging his shoulders. That was part of it, he knew, but was it all of it? He pulled his knees towards his chest, burying his face in the coarse fabric of his uniform. “Mm.. ridicule. The fact that it could possibly ruin everything, and.. not just for me. Embarrassing myself.”
“There's a lot I’m afraid of, Willy,” Danny admitted, his face falling as he realized just how true that statement was. He began to wonder if his fears outweighed the small bubble of warmth that had nestled in his chest whenever he was around Lee. As if he could read Danny’s thoughts, Willy spoke once more.
“And, this person, what do ya like about them?”
“Well, for starters, this person is so caring, sweet.. and thoughtful,” he paused for a moment, a faint smile forming on his lips. He continued, “How this person is always helping others, how easy it is for this person to make friends with everyone..”
What else did he like about Lee? Danny closed his eyes, his mind filled with endless lists - ranging from small, insignificant details, to Lee’s personality traits. How could he possibly choose?
Danny seemed to get caught up in his own thoughts. He began rambling - listing everything he could think of. By now, he had completely forgotten he was supposed to be “playing it safe”.
“And.. he’s so, so funny, even without trying. He always seems to know exactly what to say, when and how to say it, how to cheer someone up when they need it,” The words seemed to flow out before he realized it. He didn’t seem to notice his slip-up, either.
It dawned on Danny just how long he had been speaking (and that he hadn’t allowed Willy any time to respond - until now, that is). A light blush dusted across his cheeks once more as he (finally) finished listing things about Lee - embarrassed at how carried away he had gotten. He clamped his mouth shut and gave an awkward, halfhearted chuckle before signalling that he was finished.
Upon noticing that Danny had finished speaking, Willy gave an understanding nod.
“I don't think this is an ordinary crush, son,” he started, moving to gently rest his hand on Danny’s shoulder once more. Danny opened his eyes when he felt the touch, then his expression turned confused.
“What do you mean?”
Willy gave a small, hearty chuckle and replied, “I think yer in love with him.”
“How did you-?” Danny replied, his face paling. Had he heard Willy correctly? He gulped harshly, hoping he was wrong.
“Ye, uh.. said ‘he’ when ya got a little too passionate at the end there,” Willy explained. He watched as Danny's eyes widened. Willy held his hands up defensively, quickly moving to reassure the boy, “Don't worry, son. I’m not goin’ to tell anyone.”
“But.. I think you have t’ tell him, Danny,” Willy said. He pointed at Danny, moving his finger to gently poke him in the chest - near his heart - before adding, “how ya feel, I mean.”
“I.. I’ve been trying but..,” Danny replied, his expression turning slightly dejected, “I just.. I start to, and then I usually decide it would be better if I didn't say anything.”
“That way.. I don't have the chance to ruin what we have.” He admitted sadly, glancing down at his shoes.
Willy nodded once more, though there was a sadness in his expression. “I used to think the same thing, lad.”
“Huh?”
“There was this person - he was the best friend I ever had, an amazin’ man with an even more amazin’ heart.. an’ one day, I realized I had feelin’s for him, like you with your friend,” Willy began, closing his eyes as he retold the story.
He took a deep breath and shook his head sadly, “I was so scared of ruinin’ what we had that I didn’t tell ‘em. Years later, he got married an’ had his own family and I.. I just swallowed my feelings. I wasn’t going to tell him after learnin’ that.”
“So.. I continued to ignore it, to convince meself it would go away or I’d get over it. Somethin’ like that,” He sighed and opened his eyes. He looked up and Danny noticed how sad Willy had become. The man spoke once more, “The next time I saw him? He died right in front of me - savin’ people I should've saved, but I wasn’t strong enough to get ‘em all.”
“I should be proud, really,” Willy said, bitterly. “I saved so many other people that day..”
“But in the end?” He continued, shaking his head solemnly, “I couldn’t save th’ person who meant the most to me.”
“Ain’t that just so damn ironic?” The man chuckled dryly, but Danny wondered if that was Willy’s way of holding back tears. He paused for a moment - silently composing himself - before continuing.
“I never told him how I felt,” Willy admitted, turning to look Danny directly in the eyes before adding, “I regret that decision every day of my life.”
“Don’t make the same mistake I did, lad,” He said, though the serious tone in his voice made it seem like a warning.
“There’ll never be a ‘perfect’ anythin’ - time, scenario, what have ya - to say how ye feel..”
“But it will always be the wrong one if ya don’t ever do it.”
“Trust me, son,” Willy advised, his words seeming to hit Danny directly in his core, “You don’t want t’ risk losin’ what could happen because yer afraid of ruinin’ what you already have.”
Danny went silent, thinking deeply about what Willy had told him. It seems there was more weight added to his mental scale; on one hand: he could tell Lee how he felt and have the possibility of rejection but at least Lee would know how he felt, on the other: he could swallow his feelings until it was too late and spend the rest of his life drowning in regret. He wasn't sure what seemed worse.
“But.. what if I can’t do it?” He asked, a small bubble of nervous energy building once more, “Everytime I try.. I get so nervous, and then I just chicken out.”
“I think ya can,” Willy stated matter-of-factly, “Ya just have to stop doubting yourself.”
“I think ye will feel better when ya finally get it off yer chest - no matter the outcome,” He explained, looking at Danny with a serious expression across his face, “If he says no, it won't be the end of the world, lad.”
“And, besides,” The man spoke, “I’m assumin’ ya haven't asked this friend of yours his.. eh.. preference.. So.. ya really don’t know if he’ll even reject you. He could say ‘yes'.”
“But ye will never know unless ya try.”
Danny chuckled. Willy raised an eyebrow before asking, “Eh? Did I say somethin' off?”
“No, it's just..” Danny replied, shaking his head as he thought about his earlier conversation with his friend, “Ken told me the same thing earlier..”
“Then I think ya know what you have to do, son.”
“Yeah,” Danny said, a wave of determination coursing through him, “Yeah, I do.”
…
Danny pushed himself into a standing position before dusting himself off. Afterwards, he turned towards the sink and looked in the mirror. He still felt a bit bedraggled, but he hoped his previous anxiety wasn't visible on his face.
He turned on the tap and cupped his hands beneath the meager stream of water.. Once his hands had filled, he carefully brought them to his face - splashing the water against his cheeks and scrubbing gently.
It wasn't much, but the small ritual was something Danny hoped would ease his nerves. For the briefest moment, as the icy water crashed against his face, Danny felt himself regain his focus.
I can do this.
Once he finished washing off his face, he carefully dried both his face and hands before turning back to Willy.
“Thanks, by the way,” He said, nodding in the man’s direction.
“For what?” Willy asked. He raised an eyebrow. Willy wasn’t sure how helpful he had actually been, so Danny’s gratitude felt a bit strange to him.
“This.. everything,” Danny explained, motioning to where Willy was still crouched, resting on one knee near the spot where Danny had been previously. He continued, “Helping me, calming me down.. Sharing your story, listening to me.”
“Ya don't have to thank me, lad,” Willy replied, shaking his head. “You did most of it on yer own, anyway. I was just here.”
“But, if ya really want to thank me,” He added, standing up and approaching Danny. He rested his hand on Danny’s shoulder and used his other hand to point towards the boy's cabin. Willy continued, “Ye tell me what Private Leegland says, alright?”
“How-?” Danny stammered, a look of pure bewilderment covering his features. Was it really that obvious?
Instead of replying, Willy simply gave Danny a pat on the back, followed by a knowing smile. He remained silent as he carefully pushed Danny forward and out the door.
…
Danny took a deep breath as he approached the door to Cabin Five, his hand hovering inches above the doorknob. However, before Danny could turn it himself, the door opened from within and a hurriedly moving Lee emerged - only looking up when he noticed shoes standing in his path.
“Danny?” Lee asked, stopping himself before he crashed into his friend. He continued, his face contorting in confusion, “What are you doing here?”
“Hey, Lee, uh..” Danny started, trying his best to hide the wave of nerves that had resurfaced. He bit down on his bottom lip and slowly looked up before adding, “Can we talk?”
“I’m not in trouble, am I?” Lee joked, knowing he was already quite late. When Danny only responded with a dry chuckle, his eyes widened.
“Oh,” He gulped, “Oh, you’re serious.” Lee felt his heart sink.
“Uh.. yeah,” Lee answered, stepping back and motioning for Danny to come inside, “Yeah, we can talk.”
Once the two were inside, Lee closed the door behind them. He turned to look at Danny, who was currently rubbing the back of his neck. Something, Lee noticed, Danny did whenever he was nervous, whether or not Danny - himself - knew he did this, Lee wasn’t sure.
“Look, man, if.. if I did something, I’m really, really sor-”
“Lee, you haven't done anything wrong,” Danny interjected, quickly reassuring his friend. He continued, “It’s the opposite, actually.”
Lee’s eyes widened, but he simply said, “Do you want my help? I’m sure that - if we work together- we can fix whatever happened before someone notices.”
“No, it’s not that, either,” He shook his head, though the tightness formed in his chest at the idea. Here Lee was again, selflessly offering to help someone else. How could anyone not feel something when they thought about it? Danny had no idea. He took another deep breath, though he noticed a slight tremor in his hands.
“Lee, you are an amazing person, you know that?” Danny began. He closed his eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts. He had thought about this moment for months, but now that it was here, he couldn't seem to find the words. It was as if his mind was suddenly blank.
Lee gave a small chuckle, though his own nervousness began to rise. He nodded slowly, “Uh-huh..?”
With his eyes still closed, more words began flowing from Danny’s lips, “You’re so, so kind.. and thoughtful. You always help anyone you can. You make sure no one gets left out. You're so funny, and.. and nice to be around. And.. there's so much more I could spend hours listing.”
He took another shaky breath before finally opening his eyes. Danny moved slightly closer to his friend, who appeared a mixture of confused and nervous. Lee hadn't heard this much praise in his life (usually it was quite the opposite, save for his Oma’s loving reassurances). However, Lee remained silent - continuing to let Danny speak.
“I have learned all these things in the time I’ve known you and.. I’m really glad you're my friend.. but…”
“But?” Lee asked, his nerves rising even further, a small amount of fear seemed to creep in as well.
“But.. I don’t think it would be fair to continue to call myself your friend if I kept this from you any longer,” Danny explained. He moved slightly closer to Lee once more - within arms reach.
“I’m.. not sure I understand,” Lee began. Thousands of thoughts coursed through his mind - was Danny going to break off their friendship? Had he done something so horrible, so awful, that made Danny no longer want to be around him? Without even realizing it? He spoke again, his own voice shaking with sadness, “What.. what are you saying, Danny? Do you not want to be friends anymore?”
“No!” Danny exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock. “No, no.. nothing like that, I promise.”
Lee’s face contorted in confusion. He looked at Danny, suspiciously, and asked, “Then.. what are you saying?”
“Lee..” Danny began. He took a long, deep breath, hesitating for quite a while. Eventually, he reached out and carefully took Lee’s hand - holding it with both of his own. He continued, “I have admired you since the day we met. You, who didn't know anyone, chose me of all people to talk to. I still don't know why, but, Gosh, I was really glad you did. I thought you were so.. amazing.”
“I.. I had a really, really awful time before you arrived. The other cadets, they..” He paused, grimacing and trying to find the best way to word it. “They.. made fun of me, teased me, and called me basically every horrible name under the sun, man. Just because of who I was - and, don’t get me wrong - I am not ashamed of who I am or… or who I like, but God, they made me feel like I should be,” Danny admitted. His chest began to hurt as he thought about it.
“And then you came along,” He looked at Lee, a soft smile on his face. “They tried so hard to ‘befriend’ you - you know, recruit you into their stupid game and whatnot. But.. you didn’t care about any of that. You walked through those doors that day and approached me, despite all the glares and odd looks everyone gave me.”
“You were my first real friend, Lee,” Danny lamented. His expression was now slightly sad, though the smile was still plastered across his lips. He continued, “And.. you liked me, really liked me - all of me. I mean.. You accepted me, even the parts everyone else hated.”
“You stuck around me - even though you could have easily made friends with any person you wanted,” he expressed, though there was an unreadable emotion in his voice. Guilt, maybe? As if, for the first time, it dawned on Danny just how many friends Lee missed out on because of him. He sighed, shaking the thought from his mind, and continued, “And, when they wanted you to hang out with them, you always made sure I was included.”
“Then… when they invited you to play party games, I said that I would just stay in the cabin - so I wouldn’t ruin everyone’s fun. You came and dragged me along anyway. You said you didn't want me to be left out - that.. That it wouldn’t be fun if I wasn’t there.. “
“And, of course, they hated this, so they tried to kick me out of the game as soon as possible; they ended up giving me a dare I couldn't possibly do, and told me that I had to leave unless I did it,” He recalled, his eyebrows knitting together. He thought for a moment, then gave a small, grateful laugh and resumed, “You go so mad at them - insisting that it was unfair, even though they didn’t care. Obviously, I tried to tell you it was fine, and I would just leave. But you.. you did the dare for me. All because you wanted me to keep playing.”
“And, oh man, ever since that moment - the moment you kissed me just to keep me in the game of Truth or Dare - I found myself thinking.. I want to experience that again.”
“I.. I tried to ignore it, for a while. You know, just write it off as part of a game, something that didn't mean anything.. but.. a small part of me realized I did want it to mean something,” Danny admitted, suddenly shy. He continued, “Later, when Ken arrived, and you instantly knew you had to try to protect him from Ray.. I knew it wasn't going to be easy to get you out of my head.”
“Little things you did - maybe a joke you said, or the way you'd playfully punch my arm.. - they gave me this fluttery feeling in my stomach, and.. my chest tightened whenever you were around. I tried to ignore it again, but it seemed like, every time I was around you, it got harder and harder to ignore.”
“So.. I tried to come up with the right words, the right time, the best way to tell you, but.. there was always something stopping me. Myself, mostly, out of fear. And.. I wouldn't say anything after all.”
“But, after talking with someone today, I realized that there is never going to be a right time, but if I don't ever say anything, it will always be the wrong time - until it's too late to say anything at all.”
“I guess what I’m saying is..” Danny finally concluded, giving Lee’s hand a gentle squeeze. He looked up at Lee and gulped harshly. Part of him wondered if it was too late to run away, the other part knew that was a stupid thing to ask. He continued, “I.. I am in love with you, Lee, and I have been for a while now.” He felt his cheeks flush slightly - Danny wasn’t sure he had admitted this to anyone, especially himself, until now. He felt lighter - as if, by realizing that he was, in fact, in love with Lee, a weight had been lifted off his chest.
Unfortunately, that giddy feeling only seemed to last until he heard Lee’s response.
“Oh..” Lee replied, dumbfounded. His eyes were wide, and his arm lay limp in Danny’s grasp.
“Ah.. you.. you don't have to say anything,” Danny immediately began rambling once again, a mixture of shame and embarrassment taking over him.
More words spewed out as his face turned a deeper crimson, “I’m so sorry.. I just.. er.. I had to tell you or I’d regret it.” He moved backwards, quickly releasing Lee’s hand from his grasp.
Danny grimaced, mentally facepalming. How had he managed to let Ken and Willy talk him into this? Stupid, stupid, stupid, he chastised himself.
“Danny,” the taller boy said finally, carefully grabbing Danny’s hand once more before he could move too far away. Danny couldn't make himself meet Lee’s eyes. The ginger sighed, though he crouched down slightly and gazed up at Danny. He continued, “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m really glad you told me.”
Danny gave a small gasp of relief. He finally looked up, allowing Lee to straighten back to full height, before looking him in the eyes. Lee’s expression was unreadable - Danny was sure his own was a mix of uneasiness and shame.
“It’s just.. this is a lot right now,” Lee explained carefully. His face turned soft, though Danny was still unable to decipher the emotion that spread across his features. Lee continued, “I.. need to take a walk. Take some time to just.. be alone and think. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, yeah..” Danny replied, the anxiety rising from deep inside his chest. He continued, nodding frantically, “Yeah.. it's okay. Take.. Take all the time you need.”
“Actually,” Danny spoke again, giving a nervous chuckle. He grimaced before sputtering, “You, uh.. don't have to reply at all. Hah.. you could just forget I even said anything.. And- and we can act like it never even happened.”
Lee frowned at Danny’s words, shaking his head. Danny rubbed the back of his neck once again, fidgeting slightly in place. He took in the sight of Danny’s nerves and instantly moved to reassure his friend somehow.
“I’m not mad at you, you know,” Lee spoke. His gaze lowered, glancing down at Danny’s hand resting in his own. He continued, his voice low but loud enough for Danny to understand, “I just need some time to process this.”
Danny nodded, though he felt as if he was barely holding himself together. Lee looked back up, a look of determination on his face. He spoke once more, “Tell you what..”
“You can wait for me here. I’ll take a short walk.. then I’ll be right back,” Lee explained. He rested his hand on Danny’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before asking, “How does that sound?”
All Danny could do was nod.
“I’ll be back,” Lee called out as he walked towards the door, reluctantly letting go of Danny’s shaking hand. He rested his own hand on the doorknob before turning back to look at Danny. He added, “stay right there, okay?”
…
The second Lee exited the cabin, his head began swarming - thoughts coming and going in every direction. He didn't even know where to begin in his quest to decipher them, so he simply walked.
Lee didn't have a destination, but he found himself walking until he hit a chain-link fence. Despite being assigned perimeter control every week and having walked nearly every square inch of the grounds, Lee had never seen this particular fence before. What surprised him even further was that it was secured with a rusty chain and a simple pad lock - as if it had been locked to keep something out (or to keep someone in).
He glanced around, looking for a familiar landmark or a signpost that signaled where he was. He found nothing of the sort. Instead, he simply saw lots of overgrown weeds, a few abandoned lookout points, and the fence - which seemed to stretch for several miles.
Strangely, he also noticed a small silhouette on his left, a good distance away. He squinted, trying to get a better look. Upon closer inspection, Lee realized it was just a bored looking Ken, who was too busy swatting away mosquitoes to notice Lee’s presence. He looked around once more and spotted a field of wildflowers beyond the fence.
Oma always tended to her garden when she had a lot on her mind, Lee thought, Maybe that will help me, too? He quickly scanned - checking if anyone was watching - and then acted.
He crouched down and carefully lifted the chain in his palms, inspecting the lock attached to it. It didn't seem like it had been opened in ages - Lee gathered that from the large amount of rust that had accumulated around the keyhole. He hadn't seen a key anywhere, so he began turning the lock in his hands - trying to solve the mystery of how to open it. To Lee’s surprise (and luck), as he turned the object, the end of the locking mechanism crumpled between his fingers, causing the lock to swing open. Apparently, it was more weathered than he had thought.
Lee stood up before taking a final glance over his shoulder. Once he was certain no one would notice his doings, he carefully pulled the chain loose before pushing the gate open. He walked through, cautiously, before closing the gate behind him.
Now that he was on the other side of the fence, Lee began wandering towards where he had spotted the flowers earlier. Along with his feet, he allowed his mind to wander just as freely.
So, he thought to himself, pursing his lips together, Danny says he is in love with me. One thing Lee couldn't quite figure out, however, was what that meant exactly: to have someone be in love with him.
He knew what love was, in theory. Or, at least he assumed it was possible to love someone (from watching old soap operas with his grandmother), but he had only ever experienced parental love from Oma. His parents, from what he can remember of the two of them together, had a rocky relationship- if you could call it a “relationship” at all - and his grandfather passed away long before he was born, so Lee didn’t really have a good example of what romantic love was, or what it was supposed to be like.
Oma had often told stories about her love - who would’ve been Lee’s Opa, grandfather, if he was still alive - and how he was her best friend. The two were as close as could be and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company, bound together by a strong bond. Oma mentioned that, when she first laid eyes on Opa, there was electricity - something she later referred to as the “spark” - and she knew that the two had a special connection.
Oma always said things like that, Lee mused, suddenly nostalgic for the stories he heard far too often when he was younger. His grandmother had always believed in signs - “Guidance from the universe around her” as she always said. She always assured Lee that, if someone was the one, he would know - even before he actually knew. That always confused Lee - how was he supposed to know before actually knowing? It didn’t make any sense. Despite this, Lee loved Oma, so he took her advice - no matter how confusing - to heart.
Ever since he was young, Lee had never really experienced “crushes”. The children in Oma’s neighborhood talked about them, a few kids even stating they had a crush on Lee at the time, but he wasn't sure what they felt like, personally. He had liked people - enjoyed their company, considered them a friend, that sort of thing - but he had never experienced the “spark”, the connection, Oma talked about. No matter how hard Lee tried to find it, he never seemed to feel any different. Lee began to believe that the spark didn't exist, at least not for him. He reasoned that maybe, his mother was right, and he truly was unlovable.
So it puzzled Lee as to why Danny was in love with him. Lee wasn’t sure how anyone could love him, to be honest. From the moment his father left, Lee had begun to believe he was cursed - that all that came from being around him was a string of bad luck and misery. It seemed that everyone in his life had left or died, and somehow he was the cause. Not to mention the constant reminders that his mother spouted before she finally had enough; making sure he knew just how miserable her life had become because of his father and, by association, his existence.
He could only assume that misery was tenfold for Oma; after all, he had cost her not only her own son, but her daughter-in-law, too - causing her to become responsible for him and making her the one who had to raise him from a young age. It seemed that, to Lee, all he did was inconvenience those around him. On top of this, he was always late, something that he was sure had always annoyed Danny, considering how much Danny had scolded him for it. So Lee couldn't fathom why Danny - someone who had enough bad experiences in his life - would be in love with him, someone who seemed to ruin everything he touched.
Danny had always been a mystery to him - ever since the day Lee had walked through the doors of Cabin Five. On that day, Lee had felt compelled to talk to him - as if there was a mysterious force dragging him towards Danny, begging him the two to get closer. Whatever the reason, Lee felt that was the best decision he had ever made - after all, it had brought him not one, but two of his closest friends.
As his thoughts ran free, Lee crouched down and began picking up small wildflowers - absentmindedly referring to the flower language his grandmother had taught him when he was younger and choosing ones he felt were relatively positive. After all, he wanted Danny to know that he wasn't upset. In fact, he was quite glad Danny felt comfortable enough with him to open up about his feelings.
That was one thing he always admired about Danny: ever since the day they met, he was upfront with whatever he was feeling, even if it was annoyance or frustration. He admired a lot about Danny, he realized - Ken, too, but.. that admiration felt different, somehow. Until Ken joined them, Lee had considered Danny his only close friend; his best friend, actually. He supposed he still did. Even though he and Ken were close, their friendship took on a different cadence than his and Danny’s.
Lee abruptly stopped in his tracks.
Wait, he thought to himself. He retraced his previous train of thought. My friendship with Ken is …different… than my friendship with Danny.. Huh. He had never thought about it before.
He knew he shouldn't compare his friends, but Lee couldn't help himself from making a mental list of his feelings towards them. He enjoyed both of their company, obviously, and he liked joking with them. To Lee, nothing felt better than telling a joke or doing something silly to brighten the tense mood of their enlistment. Except, maybe, the response it got.
Usually, his antics resulted in a playful eye roll or headshake from Danny, but occasionally Lee would make him laugh so hard that Danny would lean against his shoulder as he tried to compose himself. Lee found that he especially liked that part - when Danny's usual stoic, unamused expression broke and a wide smile and loud laughter followed. It made him feel proud - like he had accomplished something. It also made him determined to see it again. Yet.. that same determination wasn't present when Ken laughed at his jokes.
Along with this, Lee found that his jokes seemed to cheer up those around him, which, he supposed, was another reason he continued to tell them. He liked cheering people up - whether it was kind words or reassurance, or even a hug, it didn’t matter; Lee liked helping people feel even the slightest bit lighter.
While Lee spent his time cheering up others, he didn’t really put that much thought into his own well being. When he was a child, he had often tried to make himself appear invisible- as if, if he made himself or his emotions disappear, he would make his parents’ lives easier. This continued after they had left, but Oma had always been able to see through it. Lee had never met anyone else who could, though. Not until he met Danny, that is. Danny always seemed to know when Lee was upset or what Lee was thinking, even before Lee, himself, knew it sometimes. He once asked Danny how he was able to do it, and all Danny had done was shrug and reply “I know you”.
That was true. In fact, Lee wasn't sure there was a person alive who knew him better than Danny. And, the longer Lee thought about it, the more he realized the reverse was true. Danny had often confided in Lee - telling him about his home life, his experiences, and he had even come out to him, which was something Lee could only assume meant Danny really trusted him.
Truthfully, he wouldn't even be Lee without Danny - after all, it was his friend who started the nickname. If he had never met Danny, that (and other things Lee has grown used to) would have never happened. Thinking more on it, Lee realized Danny had somehow become an integral part of his day-to-day life - Lee always looked forward to getting to spend time together.
He hadn't noticed it until Danny brought it up, but there always seemed to be a faint, unidentified feeling whenever he and Danny hung out (Lee had always assumed it was just platonic admiration from being around such a good friend). It didn't matter what they were doing, Lee just liked being in Danny’s presence.
Lee realized something else, too. He realized that he couldn't imagine how different his life would be without Danny in it. No, he didn't want to imagine his life without Danny in it.
Oh. He thought to himself, glancing down at his chest. There was a sudden tightness in his chest - strange and fluttery, but not unwelcomed.
Oma.. if this is what you meant, Lee thought once more, glancing up at the sky, his hand resting on his chest- trying to hold onto that feeling - Give me a sign.
That's when he saw it: a large, vibrant sunflower.
…
Danny paced around the cabin, his nerves rising once again. There was a deep anxiety gnawing at his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick.
Eventually, he convinced himself to sit down, though it hardly helped. He was perched on the edge of his rickety bunk - jumping at any and every sudden noise (as if Lee would burst through the door any moment and he’d miss it if he relaxed for even one second).
Maybe something happened to him, Danny worried, glaring at the still closed door before his eyes darted to the clock hanging on the wall. He knew Lee had asked for time to think, but Danny hadn't anticipated that the “time to think” would be two hours. His thoughts continued to build up, his anxiety clouding his judgement. Something definitely happened to him, and it will be all my fault.
After all, he only went out there because of me, right? I have to go out there - to find him. The only problem was Danny didn't know exactly where “there” was. Lee hadn't mentioned where he was going, he only said he would be back soon. Then, an idea popped into his head. Ken was scheduled for perimeter control day, so he could ask him if he had seen Lee.
Danny had leaned over, rooting around in the small bedside table (that he had, reluctantly, put his things into), searching for something. Finally, his hand wrapped around the clunky radio. He carefully removed it from the drawer before flicking the switch. The device sprang to life - flashing and beeping, but waiting for further action. Danny hoped he had remembered how to do this. He flipped through the radio channels until it landed on the one Ken had been assigned.
“Uhh, Ken?” He started, pressing the button before speaking, “It's Danny. Can you hear me? Over.”
There was a brief amount of static as the small device searched for a signal. After a few seconds of silence, the screen lit up once more and the speaker announced:
“Hey, crrrk. What’s up, crrk? Over.”
Danny breathed a small sigh of relief. Even though the signal wasn't the greatest, and static seemed to break up every other word, Danny was grateful Ken had brought his radio. He wasn't sure what he would've done if he hadn't. He would have probably walked out there himself, against his better judgment, and manually searched every square inch until he found Lee.
“Hey.. have you seen Lee? Over.”
“Lee? crrk. No, I- crrk. But I, crrk- something crrsh- moving.”
“Uh, you're breaking up. Can you find a better signal? Over.”
A few seconds later, the signal came in much clearer - as if Ken had walked away from the woodsier part.
“I haven't seen Lee. Why? Over.”
Danny frowned. Where was Lee, then? Before he could ask, Ken spoke again, seemingly slightly panicked.
“Uh.. there’s someone here. Over.”
“What?” Danny exclaimed.
“Someone crrrrhk-” The signal had broken up once again. Danny’s heart sank. “West gate crrrk. I crrrkkk don’t- crrsh - recognize. Over.”
“Shit, shit, shit,” Danny muttered, he frantically looked around trying to figure out what to do. It was not lost on him that Lee was currently out there, alone, and Ken had reported seeing a mysterious person? That did nothing to ease Danny’s nerves. On top of this, Danny didn’t want anything to happen to Ken, either. What was he supposed to do? He debated marching out there to find Ken and Lee himself.
Walk outside of the base, in the middle of nowhere, with who-knows-what out there? He scoffed at the idea, Yeah, right.
You’ve seen horror movies.. He scolded himself, shaking his head at the thought. That’s how people get killed, Danny.
He realized Ken was still waiting on a response, and took a deep breath. He could figure it out later, but he had to make sure Ken stayed safe.
“Alright, Ken, whatever you do, don’t approach them. Just stay right there, okay?” Danny encouraged his friend. He chewed on his lip, running through a list of protocols in his mind and trying to think of something reasonable - and something that kept all of them out of danger - that could be done. Eventually, he spoke again, “I.. I’ll tell Willy. He’ll know what to do.”
He quickly flipped through the channels, giving out a test signal until he got a response. He had several false answers, and Danny almost gave up hope. He sighed, flipping to the last available channel and called out, his voice dejected, “Colonel Dodgens?”
“Eh?” A voice replied, startled. Willy jolted upright, fumbling and nearly dropping his own radio in surprise. He straightened himself up before gripping his radio and lifting it up to his mouth. He cleared his throat and replied, “This is he.”
“Willy!” Danny exclaimed, relief filling his voice. He quickly continued, “It's Danny. I think Ken might be in trouble.”
“Tell me everythin'," Willy instructed, his voice firm, “Right now.”
And so he did. Danny told Willy everything he knew - what Ken had said, where he was stationed, even that Lee was somewhere out there, too. Willy assured Danny he'd take care of it, and promptly went offline. Danny could only assume he had gone to find Ken, and he hoped that everything would be alright.
After a while, he received another communication across the radio - an “all-clear” from Willy. He had apprehended whoever it was and brought them in for questioning. Willy didn't say much else, but he made sure that Danny knew he and Ken were unharmed, but Ken was a bit shaken. That was good, Danny thought, but Lee was still nowhere to be found.
After the excitement had died down, Danny glanced at the clock - realizing it was now noon. He decided he had enough of sitting around and waiting. He had to find Lee. He had to find out if he was okay. However, just as Danny pushed himself off his bunk and prepared for whatever happened next, the cabin door swung open.
“Lee,” Danny said, a wave of relief washing over his face.
Lee glanced over, his eyes lighting up when he saw the brunet. He quickly closed the door behind him and beamed, though his expression seemed a bit sheepish.
“Sorry it took so long,” Lee replied, giving an awkward chuckle. His grip tightened around the objects in his hand, but he kept it hidden behind his back for now. He added, “I, uh.. Got a bit sidetracked because I saw something.. then, I.. I must've walked too far because I sorta.. um.. got lost.”
Danny walked closer to Lee, and his expression turned guilty. He chewed on his lower lip, glancing down at the floor. He sighed, then quickly blurted out, “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Huh?” Lee asked, raising an eyebrow. “What are you sorry for?”
“For.. you know,” He replied, motioning to the two of them before continuing, “making things awkward. I.. I understand if you don't want to be around me anymore-”
“Danny,” Lee interrupted, shaking his head in disbelief. He approached his friend and rested one hand on his shoulder - the other still behind Lee’s back. He added, “who said anything about not wanting to be around you?”
“I just.. I mean.. well, I assumed-” Danny stammered. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He took a deep breath, though he couldn't make himself meet Lee’s eyes. He continued, “I assumed that, after hearing what.. what I told you, you'd be weirded out and then you'd, you know, stop being friends with me.”
“You're one of my best friends, man.” The taller boy started proudly, “That's never going to happen, okay?” Danny had been so worried to tell him, because he thought Lee would hate him for it? Lee felt his heart sink at the thought.
“I.. have to admit, I was a bit surprised,” Lee said. He gently squeezed Danny’s shoulder before adding, “But that was because it just caught me off guard, okay? I would never judge you for telling me something like that. I certainly wouldn't stop being your friend because of it.”
“I’m glad you told me. And.. I know it took a lot of courage to say something like that.”
“I can't really wrap my head around it - why you would be in love with me, that is,” Lee began, allowing the thoughts that had been brewing to flow freely. He continued, “Honestly, I can't believe anyone could be in love with me.”
“When I was younger, I began to believe I was cursed. I believed that.. That.. nothing good ever came from being around me. Bad luck seemed to follow me everywhere. But.. Instead of it affecting me, though, it always seemed to target those I was close to. It felt like, once someone was around me long enough, I would inflict bad luck on them, then, not long afterwards, they would leave. I was just a kid, you know, so everyone convinced me the ‘curse’ wasn’t real - that I was just making it up. It couldn’t possibly be real, right? But it became obvious to me that it was very, very real.”
“My father left the day I turned eight years old, my mother a month later,” Lee began - retelling parts of his childhood. He continued, “They left me with my Oma - my, uh, grandmother - and she practically raised me. She never mentioned it, but I knew it was taking a toll on her health. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the curse took her, too.”
“Then, a few days after my 18th birthday, Oma died,” He stated, his eyes shining with barely contained tears. His voice turned solemn as Lee spoke once more, “And.. I began to think that, if someone got close to me, they’d end up leaving - or dying.”
“After Oma died, I.. had absolutely nowhere to go - Oma was the only family I had - aside from my parents - but they didn’t want anything to do with me and.. besides, I didn’t even know if they were still alive. So, with no family to take me in, and nowhere else to go, I ended up here and.. then I met you.”
“All my life, I believed that.. I wasn't something worthy of being loved, you know? My.. uh.. My mom. She used to tell me that, until the day she left,” Lee explained, a sad look crossing his features briefly. Before anything sympathetic could be said, Lee shook his head and quickly interjected, “I don't really remember much, but.. I know I made her life harder.”
“On top of this, I never really.. knew what ‘love’ was supposed to feel like, so I was convinced that I'd never experience it. My Oma, she always talked about this ‘spark’ that she felt when she first saw my Opa - basically, she mentioned this connection she and Opa had, but it never seemed to exist for me..”
Lee paused, taking a shaky breath. He slowly moved his hand and brought the bouquet in front of him. He waited, allowing Danny to look up, before carefully placing it in Danny’s hand. He continued, “Until now.”
"I never understood why, but.. The second I walked through those doors and saw you.." He paused, glancing up from the bouquet to look at Danny. His expression softened once more. Lee searched for the words - trying his best to string his incoherent thoughts together. Eventually, he settled on them and said, "It felt strange, somehow. Like.. I was supposed to meet you, but.. also like I had known you my whole life — even though we just met, does that make sense?"
Danny’s eyes widened a bit, but he wrapped his fingers around the bouquet. He looked at Lee, trying to read his face (and hoping his own didn't show the small wave of hope that began bubbling in his chest). He asked, “So.. what are you saying?”
“I’m not really sure I understand it fully, but.. “ Lee started, clearing his throat. He continued, “I really like being around you, Danny. In a way that's.. different from my other friends.”
“I found these flowers while I was out thinking, you know..” Lee explained, motioning towards the bouquet in Danny’s hand. He pointed towards the sunflower before continuing, “I asked Oma for a sign that.. this was the spark she always talked about and.. then I found that."
"Do you know what sunflowers mean?” He prompted.
Danny shook his head. He glanced at Lee, then down at the sunflower. He asked, “What do they mean?”
“Happiness, loyalty, adoration,” Lee replied. He reached up and rested his hand on top of Danny’s. Danny smiled at him, his own soft expression crossing his features. Lee smiled back before adding, “Long last love.”
“Danny, I..” He paused briefly, his eyes shining with emotion. He continued, “I can't imagine my life without you. You have changed my life in ways I didn't know were possible. I mean, I wouldn't even be 'Lee' without you."
Lee spoke once more, “I still don't know what to think about all of it just yet - these feelings.. they're all so new, you know?” He paused, inching slightly closer to Danny. He continued, “but.. I do know that I think this..”
“What do you think?” Danny asked, raising his eyebrow.
“I think.. I think I want to kiss you,” Lee replied, breathlessly. He started to move his hand, though he hesitated. He gulped, nervous. Lee looked at Danny and added, “Would that be okay?”
Danny nodded. Lee moved his hand and carefully cupped Danny’s cheek. His hand was much larger than Danny had expected - warmer, too - and Danny found himself instinctively leaning into Lee’s palm. Lee’s touch was gentle and steady as he brushed his thumb against the stubble covering the edge of Danny’s cheek. He paused for a brief moment, silently asking for reassurance that it was still okay, before slowly curling his fingers around the edge of Danny's chin and tilting his head upwards.
Lee leaned in - closing the space between the two of them, ever so slowly - before softly pressing his lips against Danny’s own. His eyelids started to flutter closed. Lee allowed himself to fully take in the sensation. It felt as if small lightning bolts danced across Lee’s mouth, pure electricity; the spark. Lee had to admit, he was always skeptical that it existed, but.. feeling it right now, in this very moment, with Danny by his side, washed away any doubts Lee had. He knew right then that this feeling was what Oma had always talked about.
The two stayed like that for a few moments: huddled together, barely any space between them, Lee’s hand carefully holding Danny’s face, while Danny’s hand rested on the back of Lee’s neck - lips pressed against one another. It was quite nice. So nice that neither was particularly eager to be the one to pull away first. Eventually, though, they parted, yet the space between them did not return to how it was before. Amidst the swirl of new, confusing feelings, Lee found that he didn't mind the closeness - in fact, he quite liked it. A silence settled over the two of them, but it was more comfortable than awkward. They shared a soft look - one that Lee couldn't help but beam at. At the sight of Lee’s smile, Danny felt his heart skip a beat.
After a few moments, Danny finally broke the silence, “So.. what does this mean for us?” His voice was quite uncertain, though Lee was sure he heard the small hint of hope lacing his words.
“I don't know.." Lee started, a small frown forming on his lips. His own emotions were a mess - just like his thoughts - but Lee found that he didn't mind it, in fact, he welcomed the new, strange emotions. A small wave of determination crashed over him and Lee spoke again, “But.. I want to figure it out. Together.”
“Well, how about..” Danny started. He moved his hands, resting them on Lee’s collar. He felt better than he had earlier in the day, but still quite anxious.
The idea had been brewing in Danny’s mind for some time now, but he was finally ready to bring it up. Sure, he was scared - terrified, actually - of what the answer would be, but he was ready. He didn't want to be afraid of being himself. Not anymore. Not around Lee.
He took a deep breath and a new wave of boldness seemed to crash over him as he took in Lee’s words. Whenever he ran this scenario in his mind, he had never imagined it would happen - certainly not like this - but, now that it had, Danny realized he didn't want to have it play out any differently. He looked at Lee, his eyes shining with hope, and asked “Boyfriends?”
“Um..” Lee stammered. A deep flush covered his cheeks. He gave a small gasp, searching for the words to form his reply, “I’d love to be your.. uh.. your boyfriend.”
He hesitated for a moment, suddenly becoming the nervous one. He gulped, before adding, “Uh.. if.. if you'll have me.”
Danny nodded, his expression softening, “I’d like that.”
Lee beamed. He wrapped his arms around Danny, pulling him into a tight hug and nearly crushing the bouquet in Danny’s hand.
Danny laughed, though he wrapped his free arm around Lee’s waist. He allowed his head to rest against Lee’s shoulder. His heart felt full - of warmth, happiness, but there was still a small uneasiness stirring. He glanced down at his watch, frowning as the clock hands ticked once again. He sighed. Despite how happy he felt right now, he knew that the moment had to end eventually. Not only would the other cabinmates return soon, but Lee had yet to report to his own duties. Danny could only imagine the amount of trouble Lee would be in.
“I don't want to ruin the moment.. but..” Danny mumbled, looking up at Lee. He then pointed towards the clock and pursed his lips. He continued, a small scold present in his eyes, “You should probably head to your station. You're.. kinda late. I don't want you to be in any more trouble.”
“Hmm,” Lee thought about Danny’s words, glancing toward the clock. He looked back at his boyfriend - he couldn't believe he could say that, his boyfriend! - and smiled a bit. He pulled Danny closer before adding, “Maybe after another kiss.”
“Lee,” Danny scolded. He rolled his eyes, though he hummed slightly, as if he was debating Lee’s request.
“Fine, fine,” Lee grumbled, a dramatic pout forming on his lips.
Despite his protests, he was grateful for Danny’s reminder. He could only assume how angry his leader would be. Lee was usually late, but this was a new record for him. He (begrudgingly) released Danny from his tight grip, before walking towards the door.
Danny watched as Lee exited the cabin, the door closing behind him with a soft click. After Lee left, Danny flopped backwards onto his bunk with a giddy sigh. He felt like he was walking on clouds, yet a sudden wave of tiredness crashed over him - the adrenaline and anxieties of the day finally seemed to catch up with his system. He had felt such a range of emotions in such a short period of time - all of which had taken various tolls on him -, but none of the emotions compared to the geyser of happiness that threatened to burst out of his chest.
He couldn't believe how afraid he had been just hours earlier. He couldn't believe how everything had turned out, either. So, naturally, he decided he would write a letter to his sister and tell her about it. He opened the drawer before pulling out a small pad of paper and a pen.
Hey, Jo, he started out. He tapped his pen against the smooth surface of the desk, trying to gather his thoughts. Danny continued to write about his experiences, practically bouncing with excitement as he wrote the next lines:
You’re never going to believe this.
Do you remember that guy I talked about in my last letter?
Well.. I took Ken's advice and told the guy how I felt and..
He’s my boyfriend now!
I honestly can’t believe it, either.. It all seems so.. surreal.
I can't get into the details right now, but.. I hope you and everyone else can meet him soon.
I’ll see you as soon as I can.
Love, your extremely happy older brother
— D.
He quickly folded the letter - making sure to put it in an envelope before anyone had a chance to discover it - and placed it in the back of the drawer. He didn't want to risk trying to mail it now, so he would do it in the morning.
…
His positive mood continued into the next day. Danny had dropped off his letter at the mail room and walked into the medical tent, a wide smile spread across his lips.
“Good morning, Private Sawyer,” his supervisor called out, giving him a respectful nod as a greeting. Danny returned the nod and moved towards his desk.
“Did you have a nice afternoon?” The man asked. He noted Danny seemed much more at ease than he had the previous day and wondered if he had confronted whatever was bothering him.
“I did,” Danny answered - and, for once, he actually meant it.
…
PRESENT DAY.
Lee looked up at Danny once the two had finished telling their respective sides of the story.
“You know,” He started, scooting slightly closer to his husband. Lee rested his hand on Danny’s cheek - not unlike what he had done all those years ago. He continued, a small amount of teasing in his voice, “I think you still owe me a kiss from that day.”
“Do I, now?” Danny replied, his tone instantly matching Lee’s. He leaned closer, resting his own hands on the base of Lee’s neck and carefully tilting his head towards him. Lee nodded. Danny made a small tsk and stated, “Mm, we can’t have that, can we?”
He leaned down, pressing his lips against Lee’s own. The two smiled into the kiss - full of just as much love and giddy happiness as they had felt the first time they kissed. Danny laughed against Lee’s lips, parting briefly to ask, “Does that pay off my debt?”
“Hmm,” Lee hummed, pursing his lips together as he thought. “I might need another one, just to be sure.”
Danny rolled his eyes, shaking his head at Lee’s words- something Lee had grown used to (and fond of) since he'd known Danny. Despite this, Danny leaned down and connected their lips once again.
When the two parted once more, Danny let out a content sigh. He moved, resting his chin on top of Lee’s head - Lee, once again, resting his head against Danny’s chest as a response. The two went silent, simply taking in and enjoying each other's company.
He held Lee close and absentmindedly rubbed his hand in circles on his shoulder blades. Danny allowed his eyes to flutter shut, simply enjoying the moment; enjoying the comfortable silence, the closeness, enjoying Lee.
“I’m really happy you're in my life,” Lee said, his voice slightly muffled as he spoke against the fabric of Danny’s sweater.
“Me too,” Danny agreed, nodding. He placed a small kiss onto the top of Lee’s head and added, “I wouldn't have it any other way.”
Lee smiled at his words. A comfortable silence settled over them once more and Lee leaned further into his husband's grasp.
After a while, Lee spoke again - his voice soft and full of affection, “I love you.”
it’s a strange way of saying that i know i’m supposed to love you
i’m supposed to love you.
i keep thinking about the lil writing piece i did soooo i wanted to draw a part of it.
as always, close ups below the cut >3< . i spent. like 3 days in this so i cannot be assed to do a background. sorry. i had to render everything twice ;—; but it’s worth it.
also fun fact: their wedding rings are different because they both proposed to the other on the same day.
i had been oc maxxing for a few days ooough. and (not to get anyone's hopes up) i May be uploading something soon that is from the in another life (ial) au !
i said before i won't expand it into a full fledged multi chapter fic like fsioy, but i've had this idea for a while now and im really excited to let you guys see it. so i wrote up a short thing (however, i am actively editing and changing things so i can't give a definite upload date)
i won't spoil tooo much, but i'll say that it would take place between chapters 9-10/11 in the fsioy universe (so, you could technically reread those with this new context once it's uploaded, if you'd like) but certain aspects are. obviously changed because. you know, nothing (that) bad happens.
so this is going to be rambly and probably will not make sense but stay with me. here's some facts/background info about danny and lee!! but first: there's their designs since i. never shared those.
mentions of bullying, homophobia, absentee parents
(created with this picrew bc i was too lazy to draw)
NOW onto the lore *explosion*
danny!!:
- real name is "daniel sawyer," though he's most commonly known as danny (or dan)
- 19 years old
- the 3rd of jodi's brothers & the closest to her in age.
- he and jodi were inseparable as children.
- he's also the closest one of her siblings to her in general. he and jodi spent the most time together (since there was a greater age gap between their older brothers & them)
- danny has rbf & constantly gets asked if he's angry or upset (he's not. his face just looks like that) however, the only time he genuinely smiles is when he's around kent & lee (more lee than anyone 🥺)
- you probably guessed this from context clues but danny is a closeted gay guy (the only people who danny WILLINGLY told this are lee, kent, and jodi.) [his earring is also an homage to this & is a reference to the 1970's concept of the "gay ear" where having a certain ear pierced to allow other people to understand your sexuality. typically it's the right ear, however it looks like it's in his left because of the way the image is oriented]
- prefers "cool" colors (like green/blue)
- has stubble along his chin/lower half of his face & has more "angular" features & a straight nose along with prominent worry lines between his eyebrows
- he's almost constantly worried (and with good reason, have you met kent and lee??) and often prefers to keep himself
- incredibly neat & tidy
- sharing the "middle child" role with his older brother, danny and said brother were often over looked & this caused danny to become very self reliant (and even one of the main care takers of jodi when he was old enough)
- danny has a strong sense of justice & feels a need to stick up for the "underdog" - it's how he made both of his friends.
- however, when danny first arrived at the army camp, he didn't have anyone looking out for him. everything was going fine until the usual changing routine occurred . danny was immediately embarrassed and turned a bright shade of red. unfortunately, his stammering was noticed by none other than ray & (this behavior was typically frowned upon publicly at the time) received some very nasty comments - most of which were taunts & jokes relating to him being a quote unquote "penis sniffer" <- rays own words btw . he could handle the jokes and would simply shrug them off. what he couldn't handle, however, was the influx of slurs that seemed to follow.
- since this incident, danny made it his life's mission to leave the soldiers quarters before everyone else so he wakes up extra early & changes to avoid more embarrassment or harassment.
- when new recruits joined & began receiving similar awful treatment from ray, danny stepped in & put an end to it.
- by the way the "last time" danny refers to in the chapter about kent's arrival refers to lee's arrival (ill touch more on that later)
- danny lived in the city his entire life & likely ran into kent before they officially met, though neither would remember it.
lee!!
- real name is "vincent leegland" but he's most commonly known as "lee" or "leegland"
- 19 years old
- is named after his father, whom he dislikes, and absolutely hates being called "vincent" or any variation of the name
- his father left when lee was about 5 years old, leaving lee in the care of his mother (and later his grandmother once his mother remarried.) lee doesn't have the best relationship with either of his parents & was primarily raised by his grandmother.
- he has faint vitiligo & it can mostly be seen around the corner of his mouth & the entirety of his right eye
- he has dimples!!
- he has a broken nose (from being incredibly clumsy) and it's permanently crooked because it never set properly. lee is self conscious of this fact & often wears a bandage to cover it.
- chronically late & the clumsiest person on earth. covered in more bruises than you can count.
- lee arrived a week after danny & a year before kent.
- his arrival was quite similar to kent's, with the taunting and whatnot, but lee had attempted to write to his grandmother (whom he calls his oma due to her german heritage) & ray was not having it. so, danny decides to step in, and essentially tells ray that harassing other people didn't make him "more manly" and ray responded "like you'd know anything about that" to which danny replied "oh yeah? if you're so big and manly, then kiss anyone in this room" (<- room full of other male cadets) and ray went so pale and was like fine i'll leave him alone just get away from me.
- lee is a social butterfly btw . he loves people & he loves making friends.
- lee was instantly like woaw.... he's so cool... and introduced himself to danny. danny called him "vincent" and noticed lee cringed & asked him if there was anything else he'd like to be called. lee didn't have any nicknames that didn't correspond to that name (most commonly being called vin or vini by his grandmother) and shook his head no sadly. danny then suggested they take part of his last name (leegland) and eventually the nickname "lee" popped up and lee liked it much better than vincent. it stuck & lee couldn't be happier
- he was grateful to put the name behind him & with it, the memories of his father
- lee looked at this situation as a way to get a "new start" and a way to separate himself from his past.
- we know danny is from the city, but where is lee from? and the answer: he's from calico desert. his grandmother originally owned the oasis (the og "sandy", though it was spelled "sanndi" so to speak) & lee moved in when he was a small child, living there with his grandmother until her unfortunate death when lee was 18
- the death of his grandmother is what actually lead to his enlistment. he didn't have anywhere else to go and was now technically an orphan, so he asked the desert trader & learned about the ferngill republic's military.
- he is semi fluent in german (as that was the language his oma often spoke in when asking him to do things)
now some joint/misc things that i thought would be fun to add in:
- the two instantly became best friends, despite danny's introverted personality
- danny actually realized he had developed feelings for lee in a game of truth or dare:
it was with the other members of cabin five - about a month or two before kent's arrival, so danny & lee had known each other for almost a year at this point
w hen it was danny's turn, it was ray who decided to ask him the question. ray, being ever the bigot he was, decided to remove the option of "truth" entirely and asked danny "dare or dare".
danny protested, saying it wasn't fair, but eventually gave up when it was clear there would be no getting through to ray.
the dare was intended to be another jab at danny's sexuality (he had already come out to lee at this point) and ray ultimately wanted danny to chicken out & leave the game (he did NOT like danny at all)
after making danny choose dare, ray said something similar to the phrase danny had used earlier "kiss anyone in this room. unless you're not man enough, sawyer." & obviously danny was like wtf no??
but he knew that this meant he would leave the game - as they had a "do it or forfeit rule". however, lee wasn't having any of it. lee actually answered every question & did every dare asked of him, and enjoyed playing the game, but he didn't want to be a part if danny wasn't, yk, for solidarity reasons. so, as danny was getting up to leave the circle, a bright idea popped into lee's head.
"hey, dan?" lee asked as he grabbed danny's wrist, stopping him in his tracks before he could get too far away
"yeah..??" <- a very confused danny who was fine with leaving the game
"here you go." before grabbing danny's collar and pulling him into a kiss without thinking. what crossed lee's mind was simply that he wanted danny to have fun & continue playing, no matter what had to happen. lee promptly returned to the game and left a very stunned (and light pink) danny to his own devices.
obviously, having technically fulfilled his dare, danny was allowed to continue the game & lee even convinced them to implement a rule that banned anything like that from happening to avoid any further embarrassment. needless to say, danny was quite confused and also very grateful to lee that day.
- later, danny found himself thinking about it and soon realized his face began to heat up everytime he thought about lee.
- he actually confronted lee about it later, but was met with a wide smile (one that revealed lee's dimples) and a simple "i just wanted you to keep playing. you were having fun, danny. i wasn't going to let ray ruin that!" lee's caring nature & those dimples seemed to captivate danny .
- lee, of course, did not realize this or understand the effects of his action. after all, the only "kisses" he received were smothering cheek and forehead kisses from his grandmother, so lee associated them as "something you do to someone close to you" (lee is also demiromantic, i might add. which is probably why he didn't realize he was developing feelings for danny when he did. he just thought he really enjoyed his company and then slowly realized he enjoyed kent's company, but in a drastically different way)
- lees eyes are brown with green flecks & danny's are greyish blue btw that might be hard to tell from the image
anyway that's all i've got right now. thank u for reading teehee .
