Soon we get to the small town and get out of the car. "Where are we?" Dan asks.
"Corner of bumfuck and you got a purty mouth." Jerry says before saying he wants to make a call, so Dan says to use his phone so he does. Tom and Dan go to check out the canoe situation.
"Can I use that after you?" I ask Jerry as he was talking to Denise.
"Of course, Park." He smiles then goes back to talking to her. I listen to their conversation but mostly his side since she doesn't talk loud.
"Thank you." I take the phone and call Rick.
"Who is this?" He answers.
"Hey, baby, it's me." I force a smile as the guys watch me.
"Where the fuck are you? I get home just to see a letter saying you went to a funeral?!" He shouts at me.
"You left for work and I didn't want to bother you. I know how you are at work, honey." I try to explain to him.
"I'm sorry, you're right. Are you on your way home?" He asks calming down some.
"No, not yet actually. Me and some friends are actually going on a small trip for a few days then I'll be back. I promise." I tell him.
"Who's your friends? Is it the guys you are seeing behind my back?!" He yells and I guess the guys heard that.
"No, the funeral I went to was one of the guys, it was Billy." I explain while he just keeps yelling.
"Hang up on him." Tom walks up to me and try to tell him to shut up.
"That was a guy! Who are you with!" He yells at me.
"I told you friends!" I shout at him.
"Parker, end the call." Tom snatches the phone from me. "Listen Dick Rick, you keep treating our girl bad, I'll make you wish you never laid a hand on her or raised your voice at her." Tom ends the call.
"Are you fucking kidding me! Tom, do you know what you just did! He's going to kill me when I get home!" I hit him.
"Tom, you shouldn't have done that. You heard how he is." Jerry agrees with me.
"After this trip when we find the money, Parker will have enough for a good lawyer to leave him and press charges against him." Tom sighs as police sirens go off.
"Hiya, boys and lady. Nice day. Just, uh, passing through?" The sheriff asks us.
"No. We're actually from UPS. Looks like someone ordered a set of teeth." Tom tells him.
"Pardon me?" He asks.
"Taser guns. Dropping them off. Anyways..." Tom stops.
"So help me out here, boys. Where was it you said you was headed?" He asks us and Dan almost says everything so we shut him up. Jerry just tells him we're taking a day trip up Spirit River and he was telling us it's pretty thick up there.
"I was a Boy Scout. Tom, you were a Boy Scout, weren't you?" Jerry asks.
"No. But I ate a brownie once. It was was from Parker's Girl Scouts troop." Tom puts an arm around me.
"You don't wanna play in the big river, boys. Especially with your lady friend." He tells us and Dan steps up but then Tom does.
"I got this. You listen to me. I know a thing or two about rapid-riding. Because I was a white-water guide in Northern California, No Cal. Here's the thing. I know how to read a river better than you can read a book." Tom tells him making me grab his arm.
"Tommy." I growl at him as we get in the car. "You are ridiculous. I know how stupid you are but really?" I hit him as we drive off.
"She's right. The sheriff, Tom?" Jerry agrees.
"Thanks for saying what you said to Rick even though it was stupid of you." I whisper to Tom.
"I meant it when I said treating my girl bad." He whispers back.
"Tom, you said our girl, not my girl." I laugh.
"Right... I think he would've thought you were cheating on him with me so I didn't say that." He explains.
"No, now he thinks I'm cheating him with three guys. Much better." I pat his leg.
"Sorry." He shakes his head. "
Hey, Jerry. I'm sorry Denise didn't take you serious with the whole treasure hunt thing." I tell him. "
You heard the part about her and the Lost City of Atlantis?" He looks back at me.
"Yeah." He just gives me a sad smile.
So we meet with the guy giving us the canoe. "Do you think we have enough booze Tom?" Dan asks as he loads up the canoe. "Maybe you wanna hire a bartender to come on the trip with us." Dan adds.
"I'll do that. I was a bartender too before teaching." I put an arm around them each.
"What's a camping trip without beer?" Tom makes a point.
"Well it's still a camping trip actually just with less vomiting." Dan tells us.
The guy giving us the canoe asked Tom about was class he is for being a river guide and I realize Tom had no clue what he was talking back. "Lie to me. I don't care. I'm not the one who's going to drown." He tells Tom.
Jerry makes a speech then brakes a beer bottle making the guy mad. "Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play." Jerry just ohs as we all get in the canoe.
"There's a transmitter in the canoe. That way, if you guys disappear, at least we'll get out boat back." He tells us as we row away.
"That's great to hear." I sigh.
"Tom what kind of fish is that?" They ask him.
"Brown trout." He looks at them.
"Hey look a deer. Right out in the open." Dan points out and it growls making me laugh while it freaks Dan out.
As we canoe I head Dan slapping himself so I look back to see Tom messing with him. He smiles at me while I shake my head. "Damn Dan, calm down with the bug spray." I cough.
"You two are in front of him! I'm behind him." Tom coughs.
Soon we all share a beer then afterwards the guys had to pee. "I really don't wanna see. Ans don't you guys play because I don't wanna get piss on me!" I shout turning the opposite direction from them.
"Tom! You guys are spraying me!" Dan complains.
"Give me a break I'm writing your name." Tom tells him.
"Can you three pee any faster?" I complain. "We're done." They all sit back down.
"Hey, don't, don't, don't." Dan tells Tom after he splashed him.
"What, you gonna melt?" Tom asks.
"No, but this water is teeming with microbes." Dan says so Tom starts more then Jerry starts then I join.
"So this is Spirt River. We take that to Widowmaker Bend. And then we hike the Devil's Staircase, and that should lead us to the top of Hellfire Ridge." Jerry reads the map.
"What's with all these Satanic names? Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?" Dan asks.
"No, but there's a Shut-up-you-big-baby Ridge." Tom tells him.
"Tom." I look back at him to shut him up.
"Just keep your eyes open for our first day's maker. It's a rock formation called Grandpa's Nose." Jerry tells us and Dan points it out so we get out there.
"Prepared to port. I'm gonna drink some beer!" Tom says as we get out.
"Tom... Where were you a river guide?" Dan asks tired.
"San Dimas." Tom says making me want to get up and strangle him.
"Raging Waters?" Jerry says.
"Yeah. They had some serious rapids there, man." Tom answers.
"What, class, toddler?!" I shout at him.
"Hey, I was employee of the month of the Monsoon Lagoon." I throw my head back while they all blame whose fault it is for us getting here.
"Hold on a sec, Tom. We're you really employed of the month?" Jerry asks.
"No. I lied about that, too." He tells us the truth.
"Let's just go home." Dan shouts.
"I agree. That's a great decision. All we gotta do is jump up over that 100 foot waterfall, swim upstream 20 miles, get to the sheriff on the phone... He likes us. I remember. And he'll send out a rescue boat." I grab Dan turning him to the waterfall.
"Hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool. Look at this it's cold." Tom takes it out of the water. While Dan loses his mind, I look at the wedding ring on my finger. Jerry said he still had Billy's compass so we walk south.
"Hey that sounds like Creed." Jerry says.
"I never thought I'd be happy to hear anything that sounds like Creed." Tom says and as we get to the top we see lights.
When we get closer we realize it's the two guys from the river. Dan or either Jerry kicks a van making them know someone is here. "That's a gun." I whisper as we go to hide. "Holy hell." I see the whole shed was full of weed with Tom.
"Hey. These guys are pot farmers." Tom lets Jerry and Dan know.
"What? How do you know that?" Jerry asks so we point it out.
"We should go." Jerry says.
"No shit." I whisper shout at him.
"What are you doing?" I see Tom opening a package.
"I'll write you a prescription. Let's go." Dan tells him as we tell him let's go.
"All right." He comes over making noise.
"Tom!" I growl at him.
As we get ready to leave the dogs show up then the guys. "Hey, guys, um... Listen. We don't want any trouble. Um, we just got lost in the river, you know? Hey, can we use your phone? And... And... Who cares, you know?" Dan says right before they start to shoot at us.
I hiss as I feel a bullet grazed my side as I leap to hide with the guys.
"Let's go through there." Tom points at the wall.
"Where? There's no door." Dan says and the guys look at each before throwing him through the wall.
"Pick him up faster. You giants should have no problem." I shout at them as they grab Dan.
"What do you do?" Jerry asks as Dan set something off.
"Why are there flares?" He asks as we all look us.
"Great mother of ganja." We see a field of them growing pot. The gunshots making us run again but as the field catches fire we start to crack up getting high.
"I never thought I'd die with you losers!" I laugh running.
"It's not so bad." Tom laughs.
"You guys gotta promise my you'll never tell my patients that I got stoned, because if they found out I got stoned, they'll think that I'm a stoner. The next thing you know, I won't have a license anymore. They'll take away all my instruments and my coat and my office, and I won't have... a parking space anymore." Dan cries while we laugh at him. "I lost my legs." He falls straight down.
"You gotta move your legs." We tell him helping him back up.
"They have laser scopes. They had you pinned." Jerry says as we stop to the side.
"Dudes, dudes. Seriously. Seriously. I will give you four cows for Denise's hand in marriage." Tom laughs in a Indian accent.
"Keep moving." I laugh pushing them forward. We look at Dan as he gasps and lean backs mocking the Matrix before running with us again.
We all run into a pond and panic trying to figure out how to hide. We grab a plant that looked like a huge straw so we put it in our mouth and use it like a snorkel. We listen to them yell and come up when we no longer hear them.
"It crawled straight in my stomach. I think it laid eggs in my stomach." Dan coughs as we all get out to keep moving all night.
~
"You think they're still following us?" Dan asks.
"I don't wanna stop and find out." I hiss as my hand hits where the bullet grazed me.
"I think we can slow down. I haven't heard dogs or guns for hours." Jerry says after some time.
"Yeah? You slow down... Get a stick of dynamite up your ass." Dan tells him.
"Calm down, Daniel, we're gonna be all right." Jerry says passing him up.
"No, we're not, Jerry. We could really die out here. Man, I can't believe that I would listen to you guys. Let's go take Billy's trip. Let's... let's find D.B.'s treasure. I'll get a canoe. I'll get some rope." Dan starts to lose it again.
"Is he all right?" Jerry looks at Tom and I.
"Is he having a panic attack?" Tom asks.
"I think his is." We stare at him.
"That's great. Make jokes. That's a really good idea. Is this living in the moment enough for you, Jerry? Is this the carefree life with no response that you wanted? Is this the great wilderness adventure that you were dreaming of?" Dan asks.
"How should I be, Dr. Dan? Tell me." Jerry walks up to him.
"Be scared." Dan says so Jerry said he is.
"Well, then act like it! It is very confusing to people in your life when you don't act the way that you're feeling! No wonder Denise is fed up with you." Dan says making Jerry grab him.
"Hey, hey. That was uncalled for." I step between them and Tom pulls Jerry back.
"No, you staying with an abusive ass is uncalled for. You married a man who was just like your father." He snaps making me grab him by the shirt. "You little weasel." I growl but Tom steps in making me let go of Dan's shirt.
"Take it easy." He tells him.
"You take it easy. Mr. Joe-tattoo. Mr. Motorcycle-man... Mr. Super-cool, Mr. Bullet-wound... Oh, my... Tom... You got shot." Dan says and we see Tom's arm. Dan says he'll stick it up.
"What's wrong with you?" Tom nods his head at where my hand was.
"Just a bullet grazed me." I lift my shirt to show them.
"That will need stitches too." Dan tells me as I sit down next to Tom.
"Did I see you have a lower back tat?" Tom leans closer to me whispering.
"Ugh, yes." I roll my eyes.
"Thought you weren't getting any other than the one on your wrist and ankle?" He laughs.
"Park, you got another tattoo?" Jerry asks.
"I got four more." I tell them and Jerry starts to apologize to Dan.
"Tom, I think you're buying with all that Harley money." Jerry sits with us.
"I'm sorry, I, uh... That whole thing was an exaggeration." Tom tells us.
"What, you don't make that much?" Jerry asks.
"No, I don't sell Harleys. In fact, uh... The only thing I've sold lately is some clothes and CDs. They weren't not even mine." He chuckles.
"Tom, that's not an exaggeration. That's a lie. You know you lie a lot." I laugh.
"I know." He sighs making me rub his good arm.
"What happened?" Dan asks him.
"Well, first it was blackjack. Then the cards went south. So then I started betting football and baseball. I lost everything. What'd I expect? I got no luck. It's like my old man used to say. Family curse. If we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have luck at all." Tom explains so Jerry and him talk about how he's not like his father.
"Well, I wouldn't say a lot smarter. Tom... you have a lot more going for you than you think you do." Dan tells him.
"That's easy for you to say Dano. You're a freaking doctor. I mean, you got a big old bank account, a ginormous house, big, think red hair." Tom tells him and Dan them says he develops a new fear like every day.
"Your turn Park." Tom and I swap places.
I turn the other way since he needed my right side then roll my shirt up and lean back a little so he could get to it. "What's the story of this baby." Tom points at the tattoo on the side of my left abdomen.
"It's a sad story." I sigh.
"We just talked about sad things." He looks at the tattoo.
"I lost a baby... Because of Rick." I sigh closing my eyes.
"Because of Rick?! How!?" Jerry shouts.
"I was scared to tell him and when he found out he was pissed. He told me to get rid of it and when I said I wanted a baby he did anything to make me lose it. He succeeded so I got a tattoo. Which pissed him off because he hates that I have tattoos. If you have tattoos you're just a tramp and dirty." I mock him.
"You're a tramp... HA!" Tom laughs.
"What's funny about that?" Dan asks.
"Our Park has a tramp stamp." Tom laughs.
"Hey, it made me more money at the strip club." I laugh.
"Where are your other tats?" Tom asks.
"Right shoulder/ collarbone, and sternum." I tell him and gives me a side smile.
"Done." Dan finishes as we hear his phone ringing. "Hey, would one of you guys grab my phone. My..." We look around then the guys take off.
"Wait guys!" I rush after them then the bear roars making them run back.
"Freeze, perverts!" Man yells making the four jump up and put their hands up. Tom lowers one of his hands to push Parker behind him to hide her body from the man.
"Hey, wait, wait, wait. Just... Please... Please don't shoot us, okay? This isn't what it looks like." Dan tells the man.
"If you're gonna rape somebody, rape Dano." Tom tells the man making Dan look at him.
"Did I ask you to talk?" He asks Tom.
"No." He answers.
"Come with me, or I'll shoot your testicles off, and stuff 'em and mount 'em on my mantelpiece." He tells them.
"That's gonna be a ugly mantelpiece." Parker makes a face as they follow the man.
When they get to the man's place and the guys were terrified while Parker stayed calm. Tom still made sure to keep Parker's body slightly hidden behind him which she appreciated thought.
"If you're going to kill us, just do it already. I am sick of waiting to die." Dan tells him.
"If I was gonna kill your, I would have done it outside." He makes them sigh of relief.
Jerry sees a B.D Copper map and gets the man a little moody. "I tell you what's not ancient history, though. It's four naked deviants on my mountain." He points the gun at them again so Jerry explains what they're doing out there. "First thing... I want you to put some clothes on. And then I'd like to hear this story." He pulls out a suitcase and we open it. "I'd get dressed faster if I was you men, cause I've been alone in this cabin for 30 years." Parker laughs getting dressed while the guys hurry up.
Since they were still cold, they get a blanket to cover up with too. While the guys tell the story to Del, Parker finds a spot to fall asleep and get some rest.
At some point she feels someone next to her and actually cuddle with her. "What are you doing?" She whispers to Tom because it felt the same from inside the cave.
"I'm still cold. What happens on the Mountain stays on the Mountain." Tom shushes her so she just fall asleep again.
-
"You can let go of me now." I wake up the next morning slapping Tom.
"Sorry." He gets up.
"Mmm, bacon." Dan gets up.
"Squirrel." Dal corrects him.
"Nice T-shirt, J.J." Dan chuckles at Jerry's shirt.
lThat's my J.J. Walker T-shirt. Dy-no-mite." Del does a dance.
"Dy-no-mite." Dan copies him.
"Dy-no-mite." Del does it again.
"Dy-no-mite!" Dan goes big.
"That's too big." Del tells him.
Jerry goes outside to use the bathroom and Dan and Del keep going Dy-no-mite. "Creeping me out." Tom says in the same tune. "How did you sleep?" Tom asks me as I stand up stretching.
"Why are you asking? But I slept well." I yawn.
"What? I can't just ask." He shoves me to sit back down.
"Dick." I get back up kicking his butt.
"You two still play fight the same after all theses years." Dan shakes his head at us.
Jerry comes in excited because he found Dan's phone in the bear shit outside. He call Denise and I can tell by his face something wasn't okay.
Suddenly gunshots making us, except Jerry, get down and crawl.
"Listen up. Go due north till you get to the top of the ridge, then you go directly west. Just keep going, you'll come to an old mining trail. Follow that right down to the bottom of the mountain. You go right, I go left." Del tells us where to go.
We run out while Del shoots at the guys. "West is this way." Jerry tells us.
"We're not going west." Tom tells him.
"Yes, we are. The compass says so." Jerry looks at it.
"The compass came out of a cereal box, so why are we running the wrong way?" Tom asks.
"The iron." I stop jogging. "There's iron in the hills. It's throwing off the magnet." I explain to them.
"We're still going the wrong way." Tom tells me.
"Which means Del's compass, it wouldn't work here. If D.B. was supposed to land three degrees northwest of Devil's Ridge, it would've come off as directly west." Jerry explains.
"Who cares about D.B?" Dan says.
"Which means he would've landed somewhere..." We all yell falling into a hole.
"Oh my throat, neck, chest, back." Tom groans.
"Sorry about your back." I roll off of him.
"Guys, I think we found him." Dan says making us look forward to see D.B.'s skeleton.
We were happy we found him and realize he burned the cash to keep warm during the winter. "Being alive, that's the treasure. Here he is, boys. The great D.B. Cooper and his treasure. And we found it, so we get our most valuable possessions back." We stand up giving each other our things then toss it to D.B. "Time to leave this stuff behind and get home." Jerry says.
"Well, boss. What's the plan now?" Tom looks up at the hole.
"First we gotta find our way out of this hellhole, and then we make a run for it." Jerry looks around.
"No. No more running. After everything we've been through, Dr. Mott has finally run out of things r be afraid of. Do you hear that? I'm not scared if you Neanderthal dicks!" We grab Dan to shut him up.
"Guys. Look. A tunnel." I go over to it.
"We're never getting through there. Tom, Parker." We all look at Dan.
"Dano." I smile at him.
"No. No. Uh-uh. No way. Why can't you do it?" He ask me.
"You're smaller than me." I explain.
"She's right. She has more meat on her than you." Tom adds motioning to her chest and ass earning him a punch in the shoulder.
"What happened to the badass over there?" Jerry asks him.
"What happened to running out of things to be afraid of?" Tom ask making Dan studded.
"This could lead out of here. Dan, you're the only one small enough to go through." Tom tells him.
"That's what she said." Jerry says making me hit him.
"Not the time." I glare at him.
"It's a mine shaft. They had to get the ore out somehow. It's our only chance, Dano." He explains.
We watch him crawl through and he starts to panic so we try to calm him down by singing Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me.
"Yes, we really wanna hurt you. Yes, we really wanna make you cry." We hear the guys and we panic.
"Well, well, well. We got you city boys and lady now." The bigger guy tells us.
"I think this is just a misunderstanding." I shout up at them.
"That was quite a run you gave us." He tells us.
"You ain't running nowhere now." The shorter one says.
Suddenly they both fall in so we look up to see Dan. "Good work Dan." Tom tells him before but guys knock down Jerry and Tom.
"Kick!" I shout moving out of the way so Tom kicked the gun out of Elwood's hand. "Hey, dick." I make Dennis look at me and punch him in the face after he hurt Jerry and Tom.
They then each punch him too. They clothesline Tom so Jerry jumps on their backs. Jerry was on top of Dennis, and Elwood was on top of Tom so I jump on top of him pulling his hair.
"Hey. There's a grenade up here." Dan yells making all of us shout no to him.
"No bitting!" Jerry tells and there was no way I was going to bite this man like Tom was.
I get tossed off him landing on my butt hard. "My ass!" I groan rubbing it as I get up.
We all dive for the gun and all fight over it. "Having a spot of trouble are you, city slicker?" We look up to see the sheriff.
We all climb out and realize the sheriff is also a bad guy. Dan passes the grenade to Jerry and he talks to the three walking closer to three. Jerry pulls the pin and the guys rush up to him while I stand back.
"The plan was for me to sacrifice myself if need be while you two run for it with Parker. This is why she's the smartest." Jerry explains to them.
Jerry gets hit in the stomach with the butt end of the gun making bins drop the grenade. He picks it up tossing to the way the guys went making a tree end up falling on them.
As soon as it was dark out we already finished up setting everything up for the night, so now were just waiting for Dan to get the fire started. "Hi, there, Coal Miner's Daughter. You want a hand?" Tom bends down in front of Dan.
"Or you can always try these fancy new things called matches." Jerry shakes the matches at him so he slaps them away.
"I saw how to do this on the Discovery Channel. Okay? And I'm gonna do it. I got it covered." He starts to talk to himself then I see Tom smile at his alcohol bottle.
They laugh at Dan while he freaks out. "You could have hurt him." I slap Tom.
"He's fine though, babe. See, Dano is okay." He pulls me into his side.
We all just sit around the fire listening to music and drinking. Dan sings along to Do You Really Want To Hurt Me. "Do you you really wanna hear this crap?" Tom sings.
"Please. You liked this song is this as much as I did." Dan tells him.
"When we were kids, it didn't matter what the song was. We weren't wrapped up on what was cool and uncool. We just listened to the music. It should be like that now. Just listen to the song, man. Wow. This song is so uncool." Jerry says after hearing one more line.
"Well, I like it." I tell them.
"Because you're a female. And Dan wants wrong with you?" Jerry gives me a wink so I flip him off.
"I'm blessed with good taste. One day, you'll see, I've always been correct." Dan turns off the music.
"Don't get cocky, 30-year-old Dr.Mott, with 46 years of school under his belt." Tom tells him.
"Excuse me for getting an MD and starting a successful practice." Dan tells him.
"Well, excuse me. I found a way to make 12 grand a month without having a MD." Tom explains.
"Really? How do you do that?" I move away from him to look at him better.
"What, you running immigrants over the border again, coyote?" Dan asks him.
"Those guys fell asleep in my truck. I thought I'd just gotten shitfaced and bought a bunch of sombreros. I didn't know they were dudes underneath. For real, though. Selling Harleys. It's the greatest gig on the planet." Tom explains to us.
"Congrats. I'm happy for you." Dan and him cheer.
"Seriously, though, you guys both sound like you're doing great." Jerry speaks up.
"Aren't you?" Dan asks.
"I just don't know if I'm cut out for the whole family-wife-kids thing. Denise gets pissed every time I forgot our anniversary, her birthday at times, anything that's important between us. It's always, I try so hard. I keep giving hints. How come you can't remember anything between us but remember everything with your friends. You can't remember my birthday but when it's Parker's you say happy birthday as soon as it hits midnight then the time she was born. Call her when it's her parents anniversary of their deaths. And so on." Jerry sighs.
"I can see where she's coming from with you with me. You make it seem like it more special since you can't remember important dates about her." I explain to him before getting up to go pee some ways from them as he talks about his job.
"Bet you love it out here." Jerry says as I come back.
"Yeah, I have nothing to worry about. What am I going to make Rick for dinner? I gotta clean the house for Rick. How do I keep him happy?" I sigh.
"Don't you have a job?" Dan asks.
"You mean like how y'all have? No. My job is taking care of Rick and staying home. I was a teacher for awhile but he got me fired with some lie." I roll my eyes.
"I always took you as a girl who wanted kids because you babysat a lot growing up." Tom drinks his beer.
"Rick's not that kind of guy though. Excuse me." I stand up again walking away to go sit alone by the water.
Soon the guys come over because Tom was going to catch a salmon for dinner. "No way you can catch one." I tell him as he goes into the water.
"What you wanna bet?" He flashes the light on my face.
"What do you want?" I put my hand up.
"You have to kiss me because I know how disgusting that would be for you." He smirks and the guys look at me. "
You never back out of bets." Dan says.
"But this one I think is okay." Jerry shakes his head.
"Fine. But you won't." I cross my arms.
"They like figure eights." He tells us.
"Hey, 100 grand and my left nut says the only thing you catch out there is a cold." Dan laughs then Tom gets a fish but they don't catch it.
"Oh my god!" I get excited forgetting the bed.
"Can you do that again?" Jerry asks.
"You owe me 100 grand and the left nut. You owe me a kiss." Tom points his finger at Dan and me. He asks if we're gonna catch it this time and we say yes. But when he goes back to trying to catch a dish we see a bear behind him. "What the hell are you doing? He asks so we tell him to be quiet making him turn around.
"What are you doing?" Dan asks as Jerry takes off his shoes.
"I run faster with no shoes." Jerry tells him.
"You can't outrun that bear." Dan tells him.
"I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you." Jerry says while Tom tires to tell us to stay calm before running.
Dan ends up in the back tripping making us go back but keep our distance. "Stay calm. Get in the Fetal position." I tell him.
"Parker's right. It won't bother you if you're in the fetal position. Nothings gonna happen now." Tom tells him but the bear gets closer to him. "Abort the fetal position! It's not working!" Tom yells and I pull the two to the side.
"The bear thinks Dan's her cub." Jerry tells us.
"What do we do now?" Tom asks as we watch her pick up Dan leaving.
We follow after them, "Go first." Tom tells Jerry.
"No, you go first." He tells him back.
"I'll go first." I groan going first.
We watch the bear try to feed Dan but him fake eating it wasn't fooling the bear. "You have to eat it." I tell him so he eats it. "I'm gonna be sick." I look away.
When Dan has time to get up we all run and climb into a tree. "How long do you think she'll keep looking for me?" Dan whines.
"Hour, hour and a half, tops." Jerry tells him.
"Bears have a very short attention spans. I know a guy who trains them." Tom says and I think at some point I actually fall asleep in the tree.
~
I wake up the next day because of a loud boom. "What was that?" Dan asks.
"I don't know, but it scared away our friend. Let's get out of here." We all get out of the tree going to investigate the noise.
We see two guys fishing with dynamite so we leave. "All right, let's load up. There's treasure in them hills." Jerry gets excited.
"Wait a minute, you're not actually considering continuing, are you?" Dan asks .
"Why not?" Jerry tilts his head.
"Well, because I just... I got carried away by a bear. And then we spent the night sleeping in a tree." Dan explains.
"Well, we got that out of the way. Now we can get back on the river." Tom tells him.
"There comes a time in every cub's life when he needs do strike out and make it on his own." Jerry says making me laugh.
"Fine. Fine. But I say we avoid them, and we launch around the bend there, okay?" Dan says so we all agree picking up the canoe.
"Jerry, isn't the river supposed to fork?" I ask him but he said no it's straight the whole way.
"Are you sure?" Tom asks him now.
"We are back in business, boys." We continue on our way. As we continue the river starts to get a little rough making it hard for us to canoe.
"Trees! Trees left!" Jerry shouts because we run into it making slap us in the face.
"A tree just bitch slapped me!" I shout.
"I'm not having the fun you promised me!" Dan yells.
"Tom it's getting big." Jerry says making me look around him.
"I don't wanna die with you three." I whine.
"I'm in over my head!" Tom shouts.
"What?!" We yell at him.
The canoe tips and we all fall out just going with the rapid. "Guys!" I scream going under water. "Jer!" I come up then under. "Dan!" I gasp for air. "Tom!" I go back under getting swept under the canoe.
"Parker. Hold on to the seat." Tom helps me as we keep going down the rapid.
"Tom! Parker!" The guys yells for us as we feel the water calm down.
"In here, boys." Tom bangs on it then tips it over so we can get out.
"We made it!" We all high-five.
"Up." Tom helps me into the canoe and we all just lay there tired.
Once he was up they head inside taking in everything again. The four find their treasure chest and open it up since Dan remember the code. "The oath. We swear that these things will remain in this box until we find D.B. Cooper's treasure. Signed, a bunch of kids." Jerry reads.
"Remember we pricked our fingers, took a blood oath? Dan, what's that next to your signature? That's not blood." Tom looks at the paper.
"It was earwax." Dan answers.
"Ugh!" Tom makes a face.
"I was afraid needles." Tom fakes gags.
The things they put in back then they get back to look at. Dan got his C-3PO, Jerry had his Brian Bosworth rookie card, Tom had his first rubber, and for Parker it was bracelet her favorite teacher got her for her birthday. They end up seeing that Billy put the compass back in then plotted out a whole trip to find the treasure.
"This is the camping trip he wanted up to take last summer." Jerry points out.
"I couldn't go. I was detained in Mexico." Tom tells the group.
"I couldn't because there was no way Rick would let me go in a trip with four guys." Parker adds.
"And he wouldn't do it unless we were all together." Dan says.
"I swear to god, I think he figured it out. I mean, look at all this research. He reconstructed the jump. He pinpointed D.B.'s landing. I'm sorry, you guys, we made an oath. It all goes back in the box. It all goes back in the box until we find the treasure. So let's go find it. Let's... let's take Billy's trip. Come on, guys, what do you say?" Jerry takes everything standing up.
"I say, hell, yes." Tom agrees.
"Hell, yes! Right?" Jerry gets excited.
"We'll get a canoe." Parker joins them agreeing.
"No. No, I'm... No." Dan shakes his head.
"Oh, we're all going. Listen, I wanna get a lot of rope." Tom ignores him,
"A rope's good. Like in D&D?" Jerry does the same.
"I know you guys won't grasp this concept, but I have patients and... I am a doctor now. I am Dr. Mott now! I have responsibilities!" Dan has to yell because they were ignoring him.
"You responsibility is to come treasure hunting with us. We're 30. I mean, this might be the last chance we have to do something incredibly stupid together." Jerry tells him.
"I... I agree." Tom tells him.
"For one, I turn 30 next month. But I agree too and I need this. For Billy, Dano." Parker gives him a look.
"Not fair." He crosses his arms.
"I think it's fair. All right. Time to re-up on our oath, boys. Fingers up." Tom pulls out his pocket knife.
"Hey, put that away. Tom..." Dan gets scared.
"I love the way you work." Jerry laughs.
"And you know who I'm taking to." Tom tells him.
"There is no way I'm going. No, chance." The three wait a second before jumping up to grab him.
"No! You guys, no! Hey. Let go of me! Your being... Hey! No, no. No!" Dan screams as they hold him so Tom can cut his finger some.
"Now you have to go, Danny boy." Parker smiles pinching his cheeks.
"Dickless next?" Tom wipes the blade off eyeing her.
"God it's been ten years since I've been called that." She smirks putting her finger out to him.
"See she's man enough to do it." Jerry laughs as Dan complains about his finger.
"Well do it, babe." She tell Tom so he does it. She doesn't even hiss because she's been cut buy flying glass so many times at home. Jerry then does it then Tom. "For Billy!" She shouts and both of them holler while Dan just shakes his head.
~
The next day the four get in Duke to drive for our trip. "Just remember my rules while I drive." Dan says as they all pile into the car.
"You are the best for the driving because you are the safest."
"What are you going to tell your dick Rick? You said last night you said you would be back after the funeral." Jerry asks looking back at Parker.
"Hey, let's not talk about negative things on the trip. It's just us for going on a treasure hurt. No talk about our lives outside of this adventure." She says as Tom wraps an arm around her shoulder drinking his beer.
"I agree with this dick here." He says as she take his beer drinking it.
"Get your own drink babe. This is mine." He takes it back from her.
"The beer is in the back and Dan won't let me turn around to get any nor will he pull over." She reach for the beer.
"Jerry, get your girl. She listens to you." Tom slaps her hand away.
"Parker." Jerry looks back at her.
"I just want to sip." She leans forward closer to him giving him a look.
"Don't fall for the look! It's always been your weakness!" Tom shouts making her lean back to hit him. "Never worked on me though." He makes a face so a lightbulb go off in her head.
"No, but..." She smiles placing her hand on his knee squeezing it making him pass her the beer.
"What did you do?" Jerry looks back at them.
"Tommy here has a different weakness I found out about accidentally Junior year." Parker smiles handing him back the beer.
"It makes me uncomfortable!" He shouts.
"Lies, you're just embarrassed because how it makes you feel." She laughs and he looks out the window knowing she was right.
"Inside thing?" Jerry asks.
"A personal thing that we should not be talking about." Tom speaks up so they drop it.
Parker looks at Tom making him stare at her annoyed she brought it up. During junior year Tom thought it would be funny to play are you nervous yet, and when he did it to her it never bugged her... Well he didn't know she was nervous at some point but she held it back. So when it was her turn to do it to him he got nervous right away. He knew why but never wanted to admit to himself he like her like that.
"I hate you guys." Dan says while driving.
"Oh, we hate you, too, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman." Tom leans forward kissing Dan's cheek.
"Hey! Hey! I agreed to come. You said I could drive. We drive by my rules. No kissing me." Dan tells him.
"I cannot believe that Billy kept the Duke in running shape all these years." Jerry sighs.
"318 V8, man. They're bulletproof." Tom tells him.
"How about a lite Fort Cooper classic?" Jerry shows the mixtape before putting it in.
"This is rocking Billy Newwood. I'm here with my fellow DJs, Jazzy Jerry..." A young Billy says.
"Yeah!" A young Jerry yells.
"Gonzo Tommy." Tom them repeats a younger him.
"Disco Dan." Billy says and Dan goes burn, baby, burn.
"And Dickless Parker." She laugh as she cheers on the tape.
"And we have a special dedication by Dan's Mom, entitled, I've had sex with Tom." A young Tom says.
"I totally did, though." Tom says as the song starts.
You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (Who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
They all sing along to the song then go down a long road of memory lane.
"But I'm never off, always on the break of dawn, C-O-N-P-T-O-N. And the city they call Long Beach, Putting the shit together." They all rap.
"And if it's good enough to take them off a proper chunk, I'll take a small piece of some of that funky stuff, It's like this and like that and like this and..." Dan keeps rapping.
"How do you know all these words?" Jerry asks so Dan says doctors study other doctors work making them laugh before rapping again.
"Wait since I didn't say not it... Does that mean I have to buy?" I join the them.
"Yes. Let's get off this Mountain." Jerry smiles and we go to the cart going into town and making sure the three get arrested.
We get to clean up and get new clothes to put on before we leave. "My old man would not believe this." Tom looks around.
"Billy wouldn't believe it." Dan adds.
"Actually, know what? I think he would." Jerry tells him.
"Oh, my goodness. Look at this ensemble. I like it." I see Del come towards us all cleaned up.
"Thank you boys, Miss." He tells us.
"Glad I caught you guys before you headed out. I got something for you." Del tosses a bag at Jerry and we see D.B.'s parachute. "There's a little something for you rolled up inside there, too." He tells us and we thank him. He tells us he's headed out to see the world.
We look in the bag as he leaves and see money. "Oh my god." Our jaws drop.
"There gotta be like 100 grand in here. We'll split it four ways." Tom tells us.
"You know what? No, thanks. I'm good." Jerry tells us.
"I'm not good." Tom tells him.
"You three guys split it." Jerry hands me the bag.
"No, I'm good too. I'm gonna sell this dumb ring for some money." I give the bag to Dan.
"Fifty, fifty?" Tom tells Dan.
"Actually, I can't. Because I bet you 100 grand that you couldn't catch a salmon with a flashlight and I lost. Besides, Tom, you got bills to pay. You guys a new life to start." Dan explains to him.
"I don't know what to say." Tom says.
"Just say we're square." Dan says.
"No, actually we're not square. I seem to recall a certain part of that wager being one left nut, and I'm gonna get it. Come on, pleated pants, let's go." I watch the three play around making me laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" Tom puts away his pocket knife.
"You two trying to get Dan's left nut." I put my hands up in defense.
"You know, I didn't forget about our bet." He walks up to me while the other two watch us.
"Oh... right." I grab him by his shirt pulling him down into a long kiss. My arms wrap around his neck while his snake around my waist pulling me closer.
"Guys, I think you can stop now." We hear Dan.
"The bet was a kiss not a full make out. Hello? Can you hear us?" Jerry tells us.
"I knew there was always sexual tension between the two of them." Dan tells him.
"Okay. Stop before you have sex in public!" Jerry shouts making us finally stop. "Damn." Jerry shakes his head at us.
"I'm pretty sure that's not what Billy meant when he said I would love to know when we graduated. But that was nice too." Tom says making me laugh.
"I'm so lost." Jerry gets in car.
"I always knew." Dan gets in the driver seat.
"I thought you would've hated that." Tom crosses his arms at me.
"I didn't take you for a cuddler." I smile getting in the car.
"What happened on the mountain stays on the mountain." He shouts getting in the back with me.
"So now what?" Dan asks.
"I'm gonna propose to Denise." Jerry says making me happy for him.
"Pay off all my debts." Tom says.
"Sell this ring for some divorce money. Costed more than 100 grand so I'm good." I tell them. "Dan?" I ask him.
"Gonna try to see Flower again. What about you two?" He laughs.
"What do you mean?" We ask him.
"Was that kiss just a bet kiss?" He makes us look at each other.
"Yes. Tom and Parker? Never." Jerry speaks up turning up the music.
When we get back to Oregon we start to go our own ways again wish luck to each other. "Hey." Tom walk up to my car.
"Hey?" I say.
"I'm worried about you. Going back to your husband and..."
I cut him off, "I think I can finally stand up for myself. I made it out of the mountains with multiple obstacles; a bear, rapids, and two fat basters trying to kill us." I laugh.
"But you had help too from a good looking 6'2 blonde with tattoos." He smiles.
"Mostly in the rapids where I was panicking." I agree with him.
"I wanna help you. I think we both could use each other's help. Starting a new life getting after leaving our shitty ones. My debts, your marriage." He leans against my car.
"So basically become roommates and each pay our rent." I joke.
"If you don't mind... Roommates that makeout at times." He smiles making me pull him down into a kiss.
~
Before I got home I filed for divorce and when I got home and I told Rick everything. He tried to hit me but I finally fought back shocking him. I packed all my things and had help moving out into a good two bedroom apartment with Tom.
While the divorce was going through the process, I got a new job as a teacher and explain my record was a lie because of my ex husband so they got rid of it.
"Look at you." I laugh as Tom come into the living room dressed up in his new Boy Scout leader uniform.
"Don't make fun of me." He groans looking at himself in the mirror.
"Hey, you choose it as a side job." I turn down the tv.
"I liked the mountains so why not take kids camping." He sits next to me on the couch.
"Remember that these are kids. Little boys. Children. Not teenagers or grown men. So watch your mouth." I explain to him.
"You love my mouth." He leans over kissing me.
"Tom, I'm serious." I laugh into the kiss.
"Me too." He leans me back to lay down.
"Tom, but be serious about what I was saying." I stop kissing him.
"I can't make any promises though. You know I have no filter." He kisses my along my jaw.
"Then you picked the wrong job." I grab his face to make him look at me.
"I'll try my best, okay. Now shut up and kiss me back."
Jerry suggest we climb a tree to see the area and Tom says he things he's still high because he sees two chicks in a tree. Well, that's a clean version of what he said. "Hello? Excuse me Miss? Ladies!" Jerry calls out to them as we get to a big tree house.
"My name is Flower!" One shouts down.
"You may call me Butterfly." The second says. "And if your from the logging company, you'll have to speak to our lawyers!" She tells us.
"If you look to your left, you can totally see her downstairs." Tom tells Dan making him look so I slap the both of them upside the head.
"Respect" I growl at them.
Jerry tells them we aren't from the logging company and they let us up there with them. They guys tell them the story of our trip so far and they found it amazing. They stay they will was our dirty damp clothes for us and of course Tom had no problem getting undressed quickly. We just sit around in our under clothing with a blanket wrap around us.
"What was that scar on your right rib?" Jerry asks me while the other two were being taken care of by the girls a level below us.
"A broken wine glass thrown at me at a pool party. Rick was drunk and his friends were too." I look out at the trees.
"You're going to leave him when we finish this trip, right?" He looks at me.
"Yeah. Still don't know exactly how or where to go." I sigh.
"How did you even get yourself in this situation? I know you, Parker. You're badass and don't let others, especially guys, treat you like shit." Jerry puts his hand on top of mine.
"I don't know. I feel in love with him but feel out of it a month into dating him but I had no where to go. I was in a shitty apartment building working two jobs to pay for college. Then was a teacher and a bartender to keep paying to have a place to live and eat. Suddenly this guy with loads of money comes into my life, starts dating me, treating me to gifts, tells me to come live with him in his million dollar home. I just wanted to have it easy. I just had to put out with all the shit over years." I explain to him.
"We talked all the time and you never told me. I would've helped you. You could have lived with me." Jerry sighs.
"You had your own things going on. Then you met Denise and I didn't want to be in the way." I explain.
"Apparently you were already in the way without even being there." He rolls his eyes.
"Again, I can understand where she is coming from. It's like your in a serious relationship with me and just dating/hook ups with her. I'd be upset too." I explain to him.
"Wanna know a secret?" He asks me.
"What?" I raise an eyebrow.
"I regret breaking up with you." I can't help but laugh a little.
"Jerry it was a year after high school. You broke up with me then left the state."
"And I regret it. You're the only person who knows me really. I was in love with you but I felt like you could do better." He explains making me chuckle.
"Well I didn't." I leave him.
They let Jerry use there radio to call for help and someone says they will come help us. "Someone's here." We all get up to look down and see the guys that were after us.
The girls start to panic while they start to use a chainsaw on their tree. "Listen up, Karma Chameleons. Nobody's dying. Here's the plan. I gonna... I'm gonna rappel down. And then I'm gonna secure the rope. And then I'm gonna distract them. And you three slide down after me. All right?" Jerry explains to us but Tom says he wants to do to see him he has the family curse or not.
To cover Tom, Flower comes up with the idea to drop the poop bags on them till we can go. "Ladies first." Dan says so I roll my eyes.
"Dan." Jerry looks at him.
"It's fine." I toss the blanket off me and grab something to slide down.
Soon Dan makes it down to me then Jerry comes down when Tom shows up on a four wheeler. "Come on. Let's go." Tom shouts so we rush on. I straddle right behind Tom, and Dan and Jerry sit on the sides.
"If I get shot... I'll kill you." I tell Tom.
"Over there. It's looks like a clearing. That way!" Jerry points out then we drive over a cliff falling into the river.
"I think I just swallowed my underpants." Dan tells us as we swim away getting out of the water.
-
"I can't believe I'm lost in the mountains in my bra and panties with you three in your underwear." Parker growls trailing behind them.
Tom looks back and eyes her, "Those are some nice tats though." He turns back around.
Parker picks up her pace walking past Jerry to punch Tom in the back, "Don't eye me. It's weird. And you, stop looking at the lower back one." She turns around glaring at Jerry and his eyes go up.
"Sorry." He apologizes.
"Flat tire." Tom steps in the back of Dan's foot.
"Damn it, Tom." Dan punches him in the chest making Tom elbow Parker boob as he stumbles back.
"Tom." She punches his arm.
"Keep moving." Jerry tells them.
"Do I look like a punching bag?" Tom groans.
"Yes." She huffs tired.
"You should get a tattoo right here." Tom touches her in between her shoulders blades leaving his finger there.
"Don't touch me when I'm barely dressed." She shimmys the feeling away.
"You like the touch." He leans towards her ear whispering making her elbow him in the chest to back up.
As they keep walking none of them say anything for a while. "All right, that is it. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out." Dan stops so they stop to look at him. "I have spent the last, like, two hours within sniffing distance of sweaty ball sack and sweaty ball sack, and I am out. I'm out." Dan explains to them.
"What does that mean?" Jerry asks.
"I think he means he's out. Like, coming out. Like, he's finally admitted he's gay." Tom says.
"You know, I'm just gonna stay here until help comes. I mean, this is serious. I lost my inhaler." Dan explains.
"I've known you almost, what, 25 years now? I've never see you have even a hint of asthma anything." Parker roll her eyes at Jerry's words.
"That's because I have the inhaler, Jerry!" Dan shouts.
"No, I think Jerry's right. I think this whole thing's just in your head. You just need to take a couple of real deep breaths and you'll get over it." Tom explains to him.
"Oh, okay, why didn't I think of that? I'll just get over my chronic respiratory illness. I'll just breathe. There you go. I'm over it." Dan takes a deep breath.
"See? It wasn't that hard, was it?" Tom says.
"You gotta relax, Dano. All right. It's no time to give up hope. Let's just keep going." Parker tells him.
"No, actually, Parker, I'm convinced that this is the perfect time to give up hope. I don't know that there has ever been a better time to give up hope. I mean... Look at this. Things are as bad as they could possibly get." Dan says right before thunder and rain starts. "I stand corrected!" Dan shouts.
"You just had to say something didn't you Dano." Parker huffs going over into cave to get out of the rain. Jerry and Dan do the same thing but Tom stays out in the cold rain.
"Tom, man, get under here. You're gonna die is pneumonia." Jerry tells him.
"No, but we will die if hypothermia. Look our only chance is to huddle together. We gotta huddle our bodies together for warmth." Dan explains to them.
"I, for one, choose death." Jerry tells him.
"Dan is right though. And Tom, you need to get out of the rain." Parker holds herself.
"Interesting. One minute you mock my sweaty ball sack, and now you wanna cuddle with it. You know, the... Whole huddle-up thing is... It's the oldest trick in the book. I've used it... Just for getting a girl naked." Tom joins them slightly eyeing Parker without her seeing.
"Worked, though. Every time." Jerry agrees.
"Not this time with this girl. This all you guys get with me." Parker shivers while they all slowly move closer to each other.
The four end up laying on the ground cuddling. It was Jerry was cuddling Dan, Dan was cuddling Tom, and Tom was cuddling Parker. "This never leaves the cave." Tom tells them while holding Parker close to him.
"Never." She agrees with him holding his arm tighter trying to get warm.
Both Tom and Parker were yelling at themselves on the inside for not wanted to admit to themselves they were comfy cuddling each other at the moment. At home Rick never held her like this, and Tom never felt comfortable holding someone like this in the past.
"I'm starting to feel warm." Jerry tells them.
"See? I told you guys. Let's just try and get some sleep." Dan tells them.
Parker tries to ignore Jerry whispering to Dan about the girls in the tree dancing in the rain since she was tired and Tom was trying not to picture Parker doing the same. Parker feels Tom's hand grab hers intertwining their fingers. Normally she would hit him but she just wanted some warmth and sleep.
"Stop stroking my back with your finger who's ever doing that." She growls at either Dan or Jerry.
Suddenly she feels Tom move a little, "Hey." He says.
"Oh." Dan groans.
"Hey!" Tom shouts at him getting up pulling Parker with him to keep the warmth. "Good god, Dano. How could you?!" He shouts at him.
"No! It wasn't me, it was Jerry." Dan hides his boner.
"I'm sorry. My bad. I'm so sorry. What happens in the cave, stays in the cave." Jerry laughs.
N"Oh, my god. That was your..." Tom was traumatized holding onto Parkers arm.
"Come back to bed, you guys. I'm freezing." Jerry laughs.
"Not till he puts Jabba back in his hut." Tom shouts at him.
"How many times do I have to ask you to do things for me!" My dick of a husband screams at me.
"I always do what you ask! I left home for you! I quit my job for you! I stop talking to my best friends for you!" I scream back at him making him grab my arm hard.
"That last one is a fucking lie! Why is Jerry and Billy still in your phone!" He back hands me across the face before grabbing my phone slamming it on the ground then stomping on it. "I thought you loved me?" He gets upset.
"I do love you." My eyes tear up as I lie to him.
"You can show me when I get back from work baby." He leaves for work and I break down crying. I was trying everything I could do to file for a divorce without him knowing.
"Hello?" I answer the house phone trying to sound like I haven't been crying.
"Parker, honey." It was Jerry's mom.
"Oh, hi." I wipe my tears away.
"I have some bad news. It's Billy... there was an accident." She tells me then lets me know when the funeral is.
"Thank you for letting me know. Of course I'll be there." I hang up the phone and pack to leave.
Once my mom passed away, Jerry's mom took her place keeping up with me over the years and inviting me to family things for holidays. Of course when Rick came into my life I had to stop going to all that stuff. As soon as I finish packing I booked a flight home the same day so I could get out of here. I leave a not just telling Rick that I had a funeral to go to and I'll be back next week and that I love him.
When I get to Oregon, I get a motel room to stay in and make sure to use cash so Rick can't find me at the moment. He would lose his mind and ruin everything. That's why used money I saved up to buy a plane ticket to get here too. The day of the funeral I was looking at pictures and I hear Dan behind me.
"Look at you." He gives me a hug.
"You look so mature." I laugh hugging him.
"Just look at him." We both look at the table of the pictures.
"Dano! Who's the... oh my." Jerry shows up.
"Hey, Jerry." They hug.
"I didn't even recognize you from behind." Jerry stares at me then finally hugs me.
"Because I'm blonde?" I chuckle.
"Yes. Oh, my god, is that Everest?" Jerry sees the photo.
"Yeah. You know Billy. He wasn't afraid of anything." Dan says.
"Did you know he ran with the bulls?" Jerry asks.
"He sent me a postcard from Spain." Dan answers.
"He called me while there." I chuckle.
"Man, he did great things." We agree with Jerry.
"I still want you. Ay! Mi amor." We turn to see Giselle on the coffin.
"Billy's dead and he's still got a better chance of getting laid than I do." Jerry and I look give him a look while he looks down wishing he didn't say that.
When it was time for the ceremony we hear a motorcycle. "Tom's here." Jerry says and we don't look.
"Of course he's gotta make a scene." I sigh.
"Is this Billy's funeral? Is that the corpse of Billy Newnwood?" Tom shouts making us feel embarrassed. "Jer, is that you?" Tom asks making him turn around and motion to get over here. "You're with Dan?" Dan raises his hand. "Is Parker with y'all?" He asks so I wave. "Where'd you guys park?" He asks.
"Tom!" Jerry shouts then motions to come over.
"Okay, sorry. There's a hell of a fender-bender coming in, and..." We try to ignore him.
"Please continue. I'm so sorry." I apologize for Tom as he joins us.
After the funeral we all go to a bar to drink and talk about our life. Since we got here, Tom's eyes have not left me making me feel slightly awkward. "Tom, you keep staring at me." I laugh drinking my beer.
"I can't get used to you being a blonde." I just laugh at him still staring at me.
"Hey, Tom is right. You look different." Jerry agrees with him.
"So I look bad?" I ask them in a joking tone.
"No!" They both shout out quickly.
"You look amazing as a blonde too. It's just different." Jerry rants fast.
"You're as hot blonde too." Tom adds then his face makes him realize what he said so he drinks his beer.
"What made you want to go blonde?" Dan asks me and I chug my beer more making something catch Tom's attention.
"Wait, you're married?!" Tom grabs my hand tugging it across the table to look at my ring.
"Oh, what? When? You never told me and we keep in touch all the time!" Jerry takes my hand from him.
"How long? Why didn't you bring him?" Dan asks.
"Man, got some money because look at this diamond. It's a fucking rock." Tom says so I take my hand back.
"I've been married for five years." I start to drink my second beer.
"Five years and you never told me?!" Jerry shouts.
"It's nothing big." I down my second beer.
"What's wrong?" Dan asks knowing something was wrong.
"I didn't even verbally tell him I was here. I left him a note saying I had a funeral to go to then left as fast as I could." I explain drinking more.
"Are you okay?" Dan asks me.
"I'm completely fine other than trying to file for divorce with out him finding out. Or having him control my fucking life. He made me go blonde and has been making me keep it this dumb color." I huff.
"So he's a dick..." Tom says making Jerry hit him.
"You have no idea." I order a stronger drink.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jerry asks.
"He hates you and doesn't even know you. He hated Billy too. He hates everything in my life. I'm sure he hates me too. I just wanna leave him but it's so hard. I've tried and he wasn't very happy about it. I have to pretend I love him." I explain holding back my tears not wanting them to see me cry about my life. "Now let's change the topic please." I laugh.
-
"What are you doing with your life? Did you become a stripper." Tom laughs thinking it would be a funny joke since he said that when they graduated.
"Tom." Jerry sighs not thinking it was funny.
"Actually it was my job to help me pay for college to be a teacher. Then I met Rick at bar I worked at and after some time told me to quit just to move in with him." Parker smirks at Tom.
"You didn't tell me! What if I showed up and saw you?! I would've had to bleach my eyes." He jokes making everyone crack up.
"Wait. When was the last time you talked to Billy?" Jerry changes the topic.
"Before he when on his trip that ended in a accident." She answers him.
"Of course you and Billy kept in contact for so long." Tom smirks making them look at him.
"What is that supposed to mean? I kept in contact with Jerry too." Parker tilts her head confused.
"Well you and Jerry have always been close, but you and Billy were different." He smiles at her.
"Different how?" Dan asks not getting at what Tom was saying.
"Come on! I can't be the only one who knew about her and Billy hooking up in high school. More than once too." Tom looks at them surprised.
"Wait, really? I just thought it was a joke the whole time when Tom mentioned it." Jerry was shocked.
"I didn't take Billy as your type." Dan makes her laugh.
"He wasn't but he was cute so things happened. Oh! I know what we should do!" Parker hits the table thinking of something. "Let's go visit Fort Copper." She smiles at them.
"Yes!" Tom agrees quickly.
"Let's go." Jerry says so they look at Dan.
"Sure."
"Did you notice how many hot chicks were at the funeral?" Jerry asks making Parker realize they were still the same deep down.
"No kidding! It was like a discotheque with a coffin in the middle." They stop to look up at Fort Copper. "God, I remember it being taller." Tom says.
"Race you to the top!" Parker jumps onto the rope first climbing up with Tom right behind her then Jerry behind him.
"Come on, Dano." She says getting to the top.
"Dano, come on up, Buddy!" Tom tells him too.
"Come in, Dan." Jerry adds.
"You guys are hammered! I'm not climbing up a 20 year old rope. That's crazy." Dan goes over to the ladder.
"Tommy, catch." Jerry tosses up the flashlight so he catches it.
While Dan was climbing up the latter he falls because a step broke. "You all right, Dano?" Parker shout down to him. He gets up and the guys tease him with the rope like when they were younger.
