I noticed a little bit of a commentary going on in a chapter I recently posted for Drowing in a Dream and I just feel like maybe I should point some things out because it is relevant to not only the story but how the fandom sort of views Elia.
Now, before we get into this I do want to preface everything with my regurgitation of ‘we do not have an Elia of Rhaegar pov and the people who talk about Elia are incredibly biased sources’
As readers we have no true insight into Elia’s character outside of what we learn from Oberyn or Barristan. We know that Elia was a kind woman, a gentle person, smart, and fiercely dedicated to her children but… the fact of the matter is neither Oberyn nor Barristan are entirely unbiased characters. Their perception of Elia is absolutely warped by their experiences with her. And, ok, yeah, it’s a decent understanding of her character but it’s NOT an Elia POV.
So, in the latest chapter of Drowning I noticed someone (and no nate to this commenter because this is an intentional narrative point on my part) made a comment about how Elia seems to take advantage of Berylla / look down on her to some extent. While that sort of dynamic is absolutely not what we’re going for in this relationship, I do think there’s something to be said about the situation Elia is in and how she’s going to respond to it all.
Because we’re looking at a girl who grew up incredibly privileged and relatively sheltered given the supposed state of her health throughout her life. This if a girl who grew up in a place where women were allowed a lot more freedoms, but who herself was restricted in some ways due to her status as a Princess of Dorne.
Elia has no experience “roughing it” so to speak and it’s unfair to think that she’d just be good at being out in the middle of the woods or hiking through the mountains with two kids and a broken wrist. It isn’t entitled fair to just expect her to pull her weight because she really isn’t in a position to be helpful because Berylla isn’t going out of her way to teach Elia how to be helpful.
Like it isn’t a matter of Elia looking down on Berylla and expecting her to do all the work because Berylla has also set the dynamic. Roughing it out in the woods, fighting soldiers, going unnoticed are all things Berylla is GOOD at. It’s stuff she’s familiar with.
Elia’s skills are in politics and maneuvering through court life. Which is going to be INCREDIBLE important in later chapters as they get into Dorne and start interacting with Dornish people / lords. That’s the weight she’ll have to carry because Berylla knows jack all about Westerosi politics.
Now, to touch on the whole power dynamic between the two… yeah. There’s absolutely a sense of “I’m better than you” and that’s intentional. We’ve seen Elia reflecting on how she thought Berylla was vapid and ‘sheepish’ before they spent any real time together. This is a common sentiment in a lot (if not all) of the High Nobility of Westeros.
Just because Elia and the rest of the Martells are Dornish doesn’t mean they aren’t probe to being snobs. Oberyn in cannon is very much an asshole because his status as a Prince of Dorne allows him to behave a certain type of way. Doran is also that way, Catelyn Stark is that way, Tyrion is that way, Sansa is that way (and I love Sansa let’s make that fucking clear). Literally ALL of the Westerosi upper class are snobs and look down on those who aren’t of a similar station to themselves. It isn’t limited to Elia.
So being annoyed with Elia is valid because Berylla is pulling a lot of the weight in the current chapters… but there’s also a nuance here I think some of the readers might be missing out on a little. Because Elia is incredibly capable of pulling her weight, she’s just out of her depth here (and still sporting a broken wrist and coming off an illness that could have killed her) like we need to give her a little grave here.
Especially when we remember that Berylla could absolutely be assigning Elia tasks / teaching her how to rough it and just hasn’t. That’s a choice Berylla has made and it isn’t entirely Elia’s fault for not stepping in the way some of the readers might want her to.