TABLE FOR JUAN
I LOVE being by myself. I love it. Love love love it. Jen time is saaaaaah good! But because of my current lifestyle, Jen time is pretty rare. Not as rare as the #superbluebloodmoon that happened the other night, but still - itās āseasonalā. Donāt get me wrong, I love my boyfriend. Having him in my life adds colour to my world and I prefer his company over anybody else.
But... I also love it when he goes out. Ā
Hear me out.
We both work Monday to Friday, 9-5:30pm (but weāre in at 8 and usually leave around 6). We ride into work together and break away at the last minute because he works in one suburb and I work in the adjacent one. Then as soon as Iām in at work, weāre on the phone to each other, recounting what was missed in the last five minutes. We talk at lunch time. If I donāt hear from him at lunch, I know heās obviously busy at work and was preoccupied - but heāll always manage to sneak a call in, even if itās just for 10 seconds to say he loves me. (He once left a voicemail of him yelling down the phone, āI LOVE YOUā. Itās perfect. I still have it).
If Iāve got rehearsals, my Italian class, or Iām heading to the gym, Iāll call him as Iām about to make my way there. Iāll text him when I get to my destination. Iāll text him when Iām leaving said destination. I am a text freak! I text him all the time. My thoughts, my to do list. Questions. The ramblings of my mind. And my texts are all over the place - thereās no real connection between one text and the next. I think I leave him more confused than anything else. Thatās probably why he doesnāt always text back - cos Iāve sent him a wall of messages and heās probably there going, āwhhhhhhaaaaa???ā. My bad! (He just canāt keep up with my genuinus mind! Mmmmm.... I canāt back that up!).
And then thereās also the weekend! We plan our weekends with each other in mind. We meet with friends. We go to the beach. WeĀ plan fun activities. Our lives are interwoven deeply and beautifully and I wouldnāt have it any other way. But as I read over what Iāve said, it seems obsessive and borderline stalker-ish (is it considered stalking when its your boyfriend whom you live with?) OH WELL!
So, having time alone, doesnāt really happen. Maybe I should be more specific here too - having time alone with nothing on the agenda is like unicorns and leprechauns - non existent unless you BELIEVE. And itās not like Iām leading a life like my current idols, @therock or @kevinhart4real - I just have stuff that takes up the hours of my day, filled with people and expectations, and then itās time for bed. (Actually, Iām pretty sure āme timeā is a rare thing for Dwayne and Kev too, so until I have a life like theirs, I should stop complaining. BUTā¦ I wonāt lol!)Ā
What I do know, is that all Iād have to say to my boyfriend is, ābaby, I love you, but I need some Jen timeā and he would happily and encouragingly go about doing his own thing to give me space. I know itās only a question away.
But, the taste is far more sweet when I donāt have to ask and it simply falls in my lap.
LIKE, LAST MONDAY NIGHT.
I had been excited about this night all Monday day, neigh, ALL WEEK becauseā¦ the boyfriend went out! For dinner! With his ex - weāll discuss that later - BUT ever since their dinner date was confirmed Monday eve couldnāt come fast enough! Guaranteed 3 hours (minimum - always hoping for more) of just ME.
I had nothing planned.
I didnāt know what I was going to do.
But my tummy was all fluttery, like when you first meet someone new and exciting.
I was anxious all day at work, waiting for 5:30pm to come around.
And then it would be time.
My date with myself.
A table for Juan.
LINK TO PART TWO;Ā
https://greyzone.tumblr.com/post/170789479061/table-for-juan-part-2