#dating cook

[againjack]

Getting selective

I have started to get very selective in whom I even respond to, let alone pursue anything. Sadly, I have so much weeding through of my inbox I rarely seek out anything new. I suppose in a way that helps, as if they reach out to me first I will know they are interested.

I met Cook in person last night finally. His pictures must be older, as his physique is not as I expected. I was also surprised by how heavy his accent was. He was soft spoken, which also did not help at points in understanding him. I appreciated that he was very respectful. 

We randomly decided to go explore some cemeteries at night. He told me how one was haunted and really old - I got bad vibes from it and we left it quickly. The second was nicer - more park like. We go out of the car to star gaze, when he leaned in to give me our first (several) kisses. My inner goth enjoyed the idea of first kisses in a cemetery.

He is an aggressive kisser - started out with tongue immediately and was not very artful or graceful with moving it. He also grabbed the roots of my hair at the base of my neck, tugging it - not gently. He ran his hands up my arms, and deeply massaged my shoulders and neck while kissing me. 

He also decided to lean his whole body into me, effectively pinning me to the car. I was uncomfortable with this and did not enjoy this, but it was nice to be kissed again so I went with it. By the third kiss he was getting excited, I could feel how much through his pants - and frankly that disgusted me. I’m not sure why, but it did. On his fifth time leaning in to kiss me  he started to move his hand along my side and up under my shirt. I just couldn’t, so I told him “not yet.” Poor choice of words, but he did stop. He did get in one more kiss before I turned away to get back into the car.

I find it strange and oddly amusing I reacted that way, as I had grabbed my overnight bag, including condoms, on my way out the door to meet up with him. I was hoping for action, and when I got it - was disgusted.

For me it was a somewhat awkward drive back to his place as I debated how bad this was, coupled with his poor grasp of the English language (being a country boy) and lack of intelligence, culture, worldliness, and ambition. I felt extra bad as his daughters took to me immediately - drawing me pictures, giving me hugs, etc. The seven year old asked me to stay the night and go to church with them in the morning; I know she didn’t realize what she was asking. I even was able to reach the 13 year old through her teen aged surliness. 

When we got back I made an excuse about it being late, plus he said he was exhausted as well. So he got out, after reaching over to kiss me again, and I drove home. To be fair, he did seem to be slowly altering his kissing style to match mine with each one.

After a night filled with anxiety, stress, and guilt dreams - mostly about how I want to help those girls and feel bad letting them down - I decided I would get bored and resentful of Cook. So I texted him to let him know. Even though it was only 10 days of texting and one date, I felt it was the decent thing to do to let him know. And frankly, with one date I didn’t owe him more than that.

[againjack]

Open the flood gates

I finally decided I was healed enough and ready to date. For real this time, not as a “I should get out there” type of thing. I was going to wait until after the convention, then figured I would be stupid to miss out on my type of guy. 

I turned back on OK Cupid. I opened Coffee Meet Bagel, Bumble, Happn, and Plenty of Fish (turns out it isn’t Christian dating like I thought.) 

OK Cupid I’ve had a lot of views, several messages from guys who don’t meet my standards and are thus filtered. Honestly, I don’t think it is working for me any more, never mind the bad memories tied to it. I disabled it again.

Happn is interesting but not for dating really. 

Coffee Meet Bagel had potential, but the only ones who like me I don’t like. The ones I like I don’t hear from. Plus you have to pay a lot to take this gamble, so I gave up on it after a week.

Bumble has potential, but so far it’s just been jerks, jerks looking for an immediate hookup, or guys who are great to talk to but won’t take it to texting directly. 

Plenty of Fish I’ve found one good one, “Cook.” I have been inundated with messages, and wish it had filtering based on various factors like OK Cupid. I’ve already had the typical “hey” and a guy flatter me only to then try to shame me after I told him I was not interested. There have been a number of guys who flatter me but thankfully don’t press when I only respond with a thank you. 

Cook and I have texted a LOT. We’ve had some intimate (as in revealing not sexting) conversations. I am really looking forward to our first meeting in person to see if the chemistry continues offline. There sadly are redflags, and I question if I should give up before this goes too much further. I’m amazed I have the attention of such an amazing man. I am also surprised, as I am not normally attracted to men with muscles but between his mind, his character, and I didn’t realize HOW muscled he is until later... It’s an even match - I’m out of his league in some ways, and he is out of my league in others. 

Cook’s red flags are that he has three kids, lives in an apartment, has a “blue collar” job that is also dangerous and has crappy hours, he really enjoys outdoor activities (way more than I do), and his exwife is a drug addict who shows up every so often. :\

I was lucky enough to bump into and connect quickly and deeply with “Apple.” We met over an outlet charging our phones in the Table Top Gaming track room at the convention. The more we shared the more we found we had in common. While we only hugged at the convention, I had invited him to crash in my room. We both regret not kissing. There are red flags here too, but less worrisome in some ways. Bonus that Apple is poly too. And is a switch that so far seems to mirror my switchiness. I do worry about The Human Magnet Syndrome.

Apple’s red flags are his wife not being happy he found someone (even though she is also dating,) he lives 3 hours away, he has a serious health issue, he doesn’t seem to have much ambition to improve himself/his life.

I text with them both all day long. We laugh, we support each other, it is wonderful to receive good morning and good night texts. (Note, me with each guy. Not the guys with each other. :P)