#dating apple

[againjack]

Quell Surprise

As I was finishing up work I got a call - from Orange. I let it go to voicemail, because there was too much potential for drama, I was working, and whatever was said I wanted a record of it. Turns out she was giving me permission to interact with Apple again. She wasn’t telling him and was leaving it up to me.

I went through so many emotions. At the end, I want off the drama train. I’m happy she is in a better place and willing to share and have his needs met. But, let’s face it, this is a cycle that will repeat. Never mind that being a mistress to someone a 3 hour drive away is not good for my health and happiness. I have no idea if I should tell him or not, I’m leaning towards not. No good would come of it. And if she wants their relationship to be open again, she needs to talk to him about it first.

[againjack]

Fruit Salad

Yesterday the drama with Apple and Orange continued. I was busy with work; I couldn’t indulge them. (Do they not have jobs? I can’t imagine how one keeps their jobs with so much slacking.:P) 

I ended up chatting with Apple at the end of the day as I was getting ready for a date. Turns out that all the drama was Orange realizing she actually wants to be monogamous. My initial reaction was to laugh, because of course. It was fine when she got to play, but once he found someone he cared for she couldn’t have that. 

We chatted for about a half hour. I fully expected that would be our last interaction. It was oddly hard to say good bye. I genuinely hope things improve for them and that they will be happy and be good to each other. I am not realistic about it, but that is their deal. I’m out.

It was oddly freeing. It felt good and right to be 100% single and free as I headed to my date that night.

Of course, being the sentimental sap I am, I saw a geeky gif of a couple snuggling. I mentioned him in reblogging it.He did respond in a positive manner. Then at lunch time today I got an email from him, with a link to a reddit thread. (I don’t know jack about reddit so I have no clue how to describe it.) It was public, but seemed that he attempted to still be anonymous and secretive. It was a story in fairy tale format, the story of his heart. How he fell in love with Orange, how things changed in their relationship, how he found me, and how he went back to her, leaving me a gift of a piece of his heart. I was in tears reading it. I haven’t done anything since. I did save the story to my hard drive, in case the link gets broken or the post is removed. 

I’m sad as we had a special connection. He was the answer to a wish I had to have something like what I had with my exbf Jamaica. But I’m more glad to not have someone so needy/clingy and all the related drama.

[againjack]

Oh the drama

Yesterday I ended up having a conference call with Apple and his wife. It proved very interesting, enlightening, and - at the time - had a net positive result. ALL the issues were worked out.

Then today I get slammed with texts from both of them. Due to a health scare (with no symptoms or signs, pending test results later this week) Orange (we will call Apple’s wife) needs Apple. 

Ok, no problem. He freakin’ lives with you. If he doesn’t text me as much no big deal. 

But apparently she meant she needed his emotional support this weekend. Meaning he can’t come visit me. She has others she is in relationships with, but she needs only Apple. She can’t be parted from him for 27ish hours. 

Ok, fine. 

Apple tried to make it work. I told him don’t bother. She needs him and his emotional support. It doesn’t matter that I think she is crying wolf over this health thing or that she is being a drama llama. She needs him, maybe for another underlying reason, therefore she will have him. I will not fight on this. I will not let her paint me as a bad person. 

I told him I will not plan on his visiting. If the test results are negative and there is nothing, great! They can still spend the weekend doing whatever. Or if he decides there is no need and he wants to come visit me, fine. But I won’t believe it until he is standing on my door step. 

He was rather taken aback by my support and reasoning. He knows that I am not happy and that if this cycle of “as soon as things are ok and a plan is settled then major drama ensues ruining everything” persists that I am out. That it is clearly something they need to work on together and without a third party in the playing field. 

[againjack]

Reflection

This morning Apple greeted me with his typical “Good morning, Sweetie!”

We had a long, intense conversation. He kept deflecting and not answering my questions or concerns, which made me feel sour. Though in the end, it had a positive effect as it made me reflect upon my own wants and needs. 

He told me about a dream he supposedly had years ago that has stuck with him. (It came at the perfect moment to deflect the current conversation and was not relevant which is why I state ‘supposedly.’) I think he was trying to state in an oblique way that he not only wants me, but to have a kid with me and he is afraid I will leave. 

That made me pause. I have grown over time from ‘it is just what people do’ to making my own choice, for my own reasons, to not have children. Then a year and a half ago I stated to think maybe I did want them after all, especially with the security of a loving, stable relationship. But Apple (possibly) stating he wants a kid with me, but he won’t have a stable relationship with me just filled me with ‘Nope!’ 

I asked him if he was ok with a long distance thing, and he said he was other than if I needed something he wouldn’t be readily available to meet that need. Which is realistic. He then asked if I was ok with long distance. I gave an answer that was at once honest/realistic and bull shit. 

At the end of the day, it made me realize what my exbf (Jamaica) taught me: I do want a monogamous, stable, romantic relationship that lasts ups and downs and includes kids.

The fact I can’t/won’t have that with Apple, the fact that the idea of a kid with him makes me recoil, makes me think I need to end things. Now.

[againjack]

That gut feeling

Late last night things went off the rails with Apple. This opened up a lot of anger and a bad gut feeling. 

His wife once again did a 180, supposedly. She was trying to prevent all sorts of things that she (most likely) knew would cause trouble somehow. Yet, within 24 hours things seemed to revert back to how they were before everything went down and “all is ok.” 

I have to say I was very proud of how calmly I handled the whole thing. An ice cold anger that didn’t prevent me from being logical and practical.

Either she isn’t stable, he isn’t stable, there are lies, or probably an option I haven’t thought of. My heart is racing that he has my phone numbers and address, as well as my full real name. 

So, I did what seemed to be the only logical thing to do - I ordered a background check on him. It was only $2. It gave me enough information to validate his DOB, address, phone number, and emails. It also gave me other info that led to some assumptions, which led to facebook sleuthing to confirm. Luckily his wife has a very unique name. 

I know people tend to have types. I am really not sure how I feel being SO similar to his wife. 

So, the $2 was worth the peace of mind in that he is who he says he is and his info all checks out. It did lead to things that make me question how he is presenting himself and despite all our deep and frequent conversations I really know him.

And all the flip flopping still has me feeling uneasy. 

[againjack]

Apple and I continue to talk all day long from the time we get up to when we go to bed. We have amazing chemistry and keep finding out things about each other that is in common or that we want/need in a partner. 

Apple was one of the friends I reached out to in the bathroom from the date with M1. He is so supportive and awesome.

I had sent him some of my favorite smut, which he had been reading at work and that evening. (Dude, don’t read smut at work!) He told me how much it turned him on. So I went back to read them, which turned me on. This predictably degenerated into (mild) sexting about how we were both masturbating and orgasming. lol It was weird but awesome. His texts were much more explicit, I was VERY conscious of what I was writing and how. After we were done I deleted that part of the conversation from my log, just in case.

I have thought about how this is affecting my dating. As much as I care about him, we both know nothing is changing in his life. He loves his wife. He won’t divorce her. He won’t leave his job. He won’t move closer to me. I won’t move closer to him. I am still looking for a primary (and only?) here, near me. If that means I have to lose him, even as a friend, I would do that. It would hurt and suck, but if I had to make a decision I know how I would decide.

And yes I would move within the metro area, but not to the country or so far away from this metro area. :P 

I also realized that he is the answer to my wish. One of those silly meme “forward and make a wish” things. My wish? I want someone like my ex. I even wished for details - a ton of them. I of course told him and joked to be careful what you wish for, I obviously wasn’t specific enough to wish for this person in my wish to live closer than 3 hours drive from me.:P

He has been saying how he wants to spend time with me. We shared calendars and he decided on next weekend! His wife even agreed! I am on cloud nine. That was one thing about the ex - he hated the 45-60 minute drive between his place and mine; yet here is a guy who is willing to drive 3 hours to spend the night with me.

It is pretty darn awesome. I’m enjoying it while I can and how I can. Why not? I know where things stand, what I need/want. 

[againjack]

Open the flood gates

I finally decided I was healed enough and ready to date. For real this time, not as a “I should get out there” type of thing. I was going to wait until after the convention, then figured I would be stupid to miss out on my type of guy. 

I turned back on OK Cupid. I opened Coffee Meet Bagel, Bumble, Happn, and Plenty of Fish (turns out it isn’t Christian dating like I thought.) 

OK Cupid I’ve had a lot of views, several messages from guys who don’t meet my standards and are thus filtered. Honestly, I don’t think it is working for me any more, never mind the bad memories tied to it. I disabled it again.

Happn is interesting but not for dating really. 

Coffee Meet Bagel had potential, but the only ones who like me I don’t like. The ones I like I don’t hear from. Plus you have to pay a lot to take this gamble, so I gave up on it after a week.

Bumble has potential, but so far it’s just been jerks, jerks looking for an immediate hookup, or guys who are great to talk to but won’t take it to texting directly. 

Plenty of Fish I’ve found one good one, “Cook.” I have been inundated with messages, and wish it had filtering based on various factors like OK Cupid. I’ve already had the typical “hey” and a guy flatter me only to then try to shame me after I told him I was not interested. There have been a number of guys who flatter me but thankfully don’t press when I only respond with a thank you. 

Cook and I have texted a LOT. We’ve had some intimate (as in revealing not sexting) conversations. I am really looking forward to our first meeting in person to see if the chemistry continues offline. There sadly are redflags, and I question if I should give up before this goes too much further. I’m amazed I have the attention of such an amazing man. I am also surprised, as I am not normally attracted to men with muscles but between his mind, his character, and I didn’t realize HOW muscled he is until later... It’s an even match - I’m out of his league in some ways, and he is out of my league in others. 

Cook’s red flags are that he has three kids, lives in an apartment, has a “blue collar” job that is also dangerous and has crappy hours, he really enjoys outdoor activities (way more than I do), and his exwife is a drug addict who shows up every so often. :\

I was lucky enough to bump into and connect quickly and deeply with “Apple.” We met over an outlet charging our phones in the Table Top Gaming track room at the convention. The more we shared the more we found we had in common. While we only hugged at the convention, I had invited him to crash in my room. We both regret not kissing. There are red flags here too, but less worrisome in some ways. Bonus that Apple is poly too. And is a switch that so far seems to mirror my switchiness. I do worry about The Human Magnet Syndrome.

Apple’s red flags are his wife not being happy he found someone (even though she is also dating,) he lives 3 hours away, he has a serious health issue, he doesn’t seem to have much ambition to improve himself/his life.

I text with them both all day long. We laugh, we support each other, it is wonderful to receive good morning and good night texts. (Note, me with each guy. Not the guys with each other. :P)