So. The thing is when we talk about sex and dating exclusion, it’s really terrible to reduce it down to “so you’re saying we have to date/have sex with a trans person/a person of color/a disabled person/a fat person/etc,” because we really aren’t saying that. In fact, marginalized groups see both extremes, those who refuse to date/have sex with us because of these traits and identities we hold as well as those who seek us out to date/have sex with us because of these traits and identities, and they both suck. Really we only want two things.
First, we want to to be seen as individuals and to be judged as individuals, not to be automatically dismissed or targeted for these traits and identities. Judge us the same way you would judge everyone else. Reject someone’s profile because they’re holding a fish in their pic, not because they are fat. Reject someone for quoting Friends or the Office as if that’s a personality trait, not because they are trans.
Second, we want people to recognize that beauty and desireability standards are not innate, but shaped by our environments and cultures and as such these standards can be and are discriminatory. Acknowledge how standards have changed over time, but those standards have always benefited or been based on the privileged.
If people do that but still never date or have sex with a trans person/a person of color/a fat person/a disabled person/etc, then really it’s totally okay. We don’t wanted to be dated out of guilt or pityfucked.
