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I find it hard to know what to feel, what would be right to feel and what should I not focus on. It is demanding a lot of energy since I am unconsciously thinking of moments and emotions I ought to let go of. But unconsciousness is hard to let go, since it is not conscious. The moment it turns explicit it is a different though. Where is the line between them? When can I step in? I long to understand the “why” to my feelings and thoughts.
happy sad confused anxious content tense tired excited
[...] sad, because I feel lonely, and confused because I don’t understand why. I don’t have control over these recent situations occurring with me, which made me discover what a slave I am to feeling in control over almost everything and everyone. And then there I am wanting to be more spontaneous & have more adventure in my life. Controlled adventure? Am I able to let go? spontaneity within loneliness within control.
I am tired of feeling lonely. I don’t want to be that anymore. I feel I’m losing touch with people and through that also with myself. These one.5 months have made me feel the need to communicate more than ever, since there is so little of it. Who can I even go to? I feel te focus is forced to be inside, resulting in the lack of time to be spent on the outside. But I want to share more than focus on feelings. I want to cut down on the sensitivity, and feel for other people. I want to be happy and positive, but I am losing control over myself.
& then I started not eating, to get some control back