∆ Ｓｏｌｏ ∆
ꪖꪶꪶ ꪖꪶꪮꪀꫀ
Staring at his now empty cup he sighs before getting up to get more ice. Pouring a good amount of whiskey into the cup. Using a chopstick he stirs his whiskey before taking a long gulp, sighing out as if it was the most refreshing thing he's ever had. Another drunken night.
He brings the whole bottle with him and returns to his spot on the couch, where there laid a notebook and pen. Perhaps a new song... His two cats rush off to play and leave him alone in his large living room.
The TV had long ago been turned off since he couldn't even focus on whatever he had been trying to watch and the noise was only irritating. But in the silence like this he was reminded of how alone he was. He thinks back on when he had four people to look after and fuss over. Four people to nag and check up on. Jaejoong swallows the painful lump in his throat, biting his lip in the process before he downs more of the whiskey.
As if that would ease the pain. As if it would help him rid his thoughts of how much he missed them. How much he missed all the laughter, even the bickering and fighting. His life had revolved so much around them. They were a part of him and he even had them inked to his skin as proof.
But they didn't need him anymore. They were perfectly fine living their lives. And Jaejoong was so proud of each one of them. Despite some hardships, everyone was pulling through. And he tries to remind himself that he too was doing more than fine. He was very successful and he still loved making music and performing. He still had lots of fans who supported him and counted on him to continue making music.
Then why did his heart ache like this? Was it because he was now forgotten? He was no longer needed. The members who have grown to be apart of who he was did not need him, but he needed them. He chuckles bitterly at how pathetic he is. Things will never be like they used to be. He wouldn't wake up early to cook and make sure everyone except himself had breakfast. No more writing notes or texting or calling to check up on them. Or staying up late to talk with whoever needed it. And he should be fine with that. But he isn't.
The urge to call and text then is strong. In the past he would have. Especially in his drunken state. For being the hyung who never cried and took care of everyone else, he sure has cried a lot while being alone. But he's past tears now. He won't call or text them because they most likely won't respond. He'll be ignored. Perhaps two may answer or get back to him later, but the other two won't... The two he wants to talk to most, most likely won't want anything to do with him.
He downs the rest of his whiskey before picking up his pen and notebook again.
A sharp pain in his chest makes him sigh and let his head fall forward. His heart breaks a little more each night like this.
Nights like these he realizes without them he feels so all alone...
