#dear dbn

[keltonwrites]

You tell someone you love them because you want them to know it, not because you want to hear it back.

Kelton Wright, Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy

[keltonwrites]

Asking the person you are dumping if you can still be friends is like firing someone and then saying they’re welcome to stick around as an intern. Rude.

Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy

[keltonwrites]

Relationships aren’t perfect. They’re arduous and complicated and beautiful and time-consuming and life-altering and happy and sad and fun and weird and they’re every day, all day. There is no perfect relationship, but there is the time when they do your laundry without asking, or when they’re waiting at the end of the race with water and snacks, or when they download the horror flick they wanted to see and also download the action movie you wanted to see, or when they’re kind and receptive and apologize for snapping, or when you come home to see they’ve already done the dishes and put your plate in the microwave and they kiss you when you walk in and you think, “this is the best person on the planet.”

Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy

[keltonwrites]

If you want the job, you apply for it. If you need a lawyer, you call one. If you like a band, you buy the album. And if you want to hang out with someone, you ask them. That’s it. Seriously. You can ask them to go to a concert, you can ask them to join you for a cup of coffee, you can ask them out for a drink, you can ask if they want to go for a walk, for a hike, for a jog, for a bite, for a beer, for a bender, whatever! Do things have the potential to get a little awkward for 35 seconds when that person turns out to be taken or attracted to the opposite sex or has rules against dating coworkers or maybe just has had a really shit year and isn’t ready to start answering questions that have to do with where they’re from or who they know and in the end them saying no has nothing to do with you at all? Well, yeah. But like I said, the “no” likely has nothing to do with you when the “yes” has everything to do with you. So ask. That’s the only way anything goes anywhere.

Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy

[keltonwrites]

Anonymous asked: I need a new, professional wardrobe that is cute and makes me feel like I will be respected. I am seriously on a budget. Where do I shop?!

I’m gonna need you to stay in one Friday night and carbo load on spaghetti to get ready for the kind of marathon day that is required to build a flexible and comprehensive work wardrobe. I love being able to execute the looks I find beautiful, but I don’t have a Ralph Lauren budget. I don’t even have a Gap budget. And sorry, but one $90 sweater is not worth sacrificing the amount of sauce I usually require on any piece of food. Too frequently ketchup, coffee, and ink make appearances on my clothes because I can’t seem to live within the constraints of a functioning adult, so I operate on low-cost clothes. But if you want to buy cheap and look respectable, there’s more to it than finding deals. Here are some tips that I have found helpful when trying to create a wardrobe that’s business casual and opportunity ready:

1. Have a colour palette.  I’m not saying whip out your Sherwin-Williams tabs, but know the angle you want. I love to wear big-bam-bright colors, and those colors pair well. Are you a earthen tones kind of chick? Maybe you love the animal print look. Either way, try to keep it in the same family. It will make your pieces go further.

2. Accessories make a brand new outfit…and accessories are way cheaper than clothes. Picture a simple navy shift dress. Pair it with tan pumps, a bright green/gold bauble necklace, a cream cardigan, gold bangles, and a red lip.  Now picture the same navy shift dress with cream knit tights, brown riding boots, an army green cargo jacket and a forest green blue gold brown pashmina with a warm rose lip. Or even with a leopard print cardy and red heels. The possibilities!  Charming Charlie’s is a great place to build out your repertoire of accessories.  Look at this necklace in dark grey.Gorgeous and classy for $15?  I’ll take it!

3. One of my favorite secrets of fashion in New York City was right at Astor Place – nationally known, completely affordable, and not one of my friends shopped there: K-Mart. Places like K-Mart, Sears, and Wal-Mart are treasure troves of unexpected pieces.  Check out this dress:

It’s $17! For work, you can wear it as is, with a blazer, with a cardigan, with a chunky sweater over it, with a turtleneck under it for a little Love Actually vibe. That’s five ways to wear one dress, and that’s not including all the switch ups with shoes and accessories. This is where having a general colour palette you stick to will come in handy.

4. For respect, make sure your clothes fit properly… because you’ll get respect by being confident, and you can only be confident when you’re not constantly pulling at your hemline. Show pride in the way you dress yourself. It’s the first thing people see and it should convey the attributes that are important at your company and within your role. I’m a project manager for an ad firm, so it pays for me to look carefully curated with pep in my step and a splash of creativity… because that’s exactly how I do my job.

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Check out more at Dear DBN on CollegeCandy.

[keltonwrites]

There’s no irrationality in sadness. Don’t let anyone gaslight your broken heart. Instead, surround yourself with people who love you and respect you. We too often beat ourselves up for having emotions. Don’t squelch and temper them. Don’t stay in the air-conditioned living room of your heart. Get outside in the rain and thunder so when the sun finally comes out, you can feel it.

Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy

[keltonwrites]

Do you want a relationship? Or do you want to feel weak in the knees? Because what this comes down to is literally a want – you don’t need either. This isn’t shelter or safety, this is cashmere versus wool, and you’re allowed to arbitrarily declare a preference. [So you're dating someone you're not crazy about.] You’re not conjoined twins. You’re not family. You’re not even coworkers. There’s literally no bind between you that is defined by learning to love him. So why do it? For health insurance? For cheaper rent? For company at dinner? Honey bear, there is more to life than that. Is companionship amazing and fulfilling? Of course. But you know what’s even more amazing? Companionship that’s rooted in being enamored. It’s the difference between someone being your friend and someone being your BEST FRIEND FOREVERRRR LOVE YOU BETCH YOU SEXY PROFESSIONAL BADASS, except you can find your BFF when you already have friends. You don’t exactly have free reign to find the love of your life when you’re dating someone else.

Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy

[keltonwrites]

If I could tell my 18-year-old self anything, it would be this: write it down. Write down everything because you will forget it. Keep it for yourself. Keep it on paper in leather-bound notebooks and stock pile them. Turns of phrases that haunt you, poems that rhyme too much and not at all, unexpected twists that catch you and your breath. And for the love of science, go to class.

Go to class and watch for when the professor’s speech pattern speeds up, when they’re passionate about something they’ve been covering for years. Get B’s and C’s because even though you go to class, you should go to the party and you should see the show and you should exhaust yourself. At least once, work as a waitor so you can learn how to tip and how to survive if you need to. Look for the compliments in criticism. When someone says your writing is too flowery, let it bloom. When someone says your skirt is too short, revel in your confidence in your body. When someone says there’s no future in an English major, know that you are made of courage and passion. An hour of Candy Crush will never be as fulfilling as writing a letter to your mom, telling her what she means to you. A pile of new clothes will never be as incredible as showing up on your best friend’s doorstep across the country unexpectedly. A new computer will never mean as much as the weeks you could backpack through South America. Respect your time, your wishes, your body, your feelings, your passions, your opinions, and your right to do with all of them what you please.

But above all else, remember the power of kindness. Be kind to the barista that didn’t make your latte correctly because he’s making $7.50 an hour. Be kind to the bus driver who didn’t greet you because this is her third straight shift. Be kind to the boss who didn’t sleep because the baby needs to go to the doctor, again. Be kind to your parents, to your enemies, to your self. It will make you happier and in the long run, it will bring so much more into your life, and how easy is it to write a story when the story comes to you?  Be a beacon of light and guide your dreams to the shore.

- Dear DateByNumbers on CollegeCandy