"letter" to you
“Maybe if you write to him it’ll feel like he’s still here”….
This is my attempt man. I’m lost. And I can feel like you’re around all the time or you’re watching over me. But it’s killin me that I didn’t take advantage of having you here. Still able to actually respond to me. Still able to hang out and see you and share laughs with my big brother. My guardian and hero.
Man it’s so empty here.
I look around and I’m like damn no wonder. You were way to good a person to be here. To have to deal with all the shit that’s happening down here. Speaking of… What’s it like up there? Are you really watching over us? Is there a God there? How’s it feel?
Give me some answers man. You knew what to do when I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest and what to do when I started hating myself for ruining something that I really wanted and pushed me to live my life. You were my best friend….. And I can’t get over this…. I miss you
You didn’t deserve this….
In moments like these… Where I feel stuck all I wanna do is turn to my big bro and say … Dude… What do I do?
I'm lonely. So. Damn. Lonely. And it's not like I'm alone.... my husbands always here doing his best to keep me from doing something stupid. But I'm toxic. All I do is bring people that are with me down. And that's what I feel like I'm doing to him. And I love him and his company... But I need something different. I miss having friends. Someone to come and do nothing with me. Or attempt to do everything with. A good friend for fun and relaxing. --I miss having a you. Pierce is gone and he's going great. Nancy is kicking ass and taking names, and she's also gone. And.... Everyone else... Well they just don't stick around. I'm trying. But when I'm the only one trying to keep in touch.... It gets exhausting. That's all I am now. Exhausted.
Tell me what it’s like… That’s it’s all worth it. That at the end of all this which at this point I’m hoping is not very long from now… I’ll feel better. And that there is some bliss. Some beautiful bliss that awaits us. Where money isn’t a think and nobody buries themselves in work, where harm is a thing of the past, where time is infinite and we can go anywhere. Tell me that I’ll be seeing you again. I see you in dreams. And I love those dreams.
I’m convinced that you visit me at times and we walk and hang out in those dreams and for time I feel so happy.