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Self • Philadelphia, PA // MMXVI
I am in so much physical pain due to my health issues getting worse day by day, to even get up and put on this façade that im doing okay is getting too difficult. I can’t help but to cry every night and hope that this can all finally fucking end but remaining realistic I know it’s not anytime soon. Nothing is in my favor right now, and it’s really fucking hard to continue to have any positive outlook. Pain grows, my mind is lowering into an empty abyss, I feel like a fucking vegetable. I can’t even deal with any of this emotionally any more. My memory is even worsening now. I don’t want to fucking be here anymore
Im in so much fucking pain right now I want to cry so much to a point where I'm too numb to feel any of this. Fuck these tumors. I want this to end so badly. I just don't want to be in this pain anymore
On a real note,
Last night I found out about a death that happened saturday if a family member. Friday is my day off and it's being spent at a funeral. It's hard. long story short. In August I found out my mom isn't me real mom. I've never met my biological mother. So that entire side of the family has been wanting to meet me, except my real mom. Last night I just met up with my dad and he told me that my grandmom had a sudden death Saturday. So this Friday I'm seeing my grandmom for the first time which is at her fucking viewing and I meet me biological mom for the first time and it's at a god damn funeral. I'm really torn and in a million pieces. Fuck
Honestly I just want to come home from a day of work to someone and just get tied up and smacked around and my butt grabbed and have crazy rough sex then we make dinner and watch a movie and go to bed, then wake up in the middle of the night and have sex again and just live a happy life, fuck
In other news,
I came to a conclusion I'm addicted to sex and I think I need some type of intervention. My best friend and I were talking about this all day. But then again, I don't find anything wrong. Last day in the life of Aidan
I haven't posted much on here in a while but I'll be doing my well needed "dear" blog soon enough
