~ Describe a time when your muse was completely alone. How did they handle it?
x. Upsetting and Twisted reaction asks for Sad Muses
This one is sort of tricky because there are two halves to it. There’s the “I’m alone” that he felt after one moment, and then there’s the other half that came later. That silence that nearly deafens and the absence of someone in places you expect them to be or when you’re doing things that used to nearly HAVE to include them. The “It’s just me” moment.
The first significance, without a single doubt, it was the time Vali finally accepted his brother’s death and that he was gone. Narfi was probably the only person Vali ever needed in his life; and after Narfi’s death, Vali could never mentally accept it, he even refused to mourn him like he was supposed to. He had deluded himself into thinking “he’s alive somewhere”, and into thinking, there was a way he could get him back.
Mind you, these twins were as connected as siblings could get; Vali and Narfi, no matter how far away from the other they were, they could sense the other. They could find each other blindfolded, on their senses alone. That has been what’s kept Vali from feeling so alone.
The delusion that he can “feel that Narfi is alive”, is a reverie to anyone, but to Vali it was real. He had hallucinated his brother, illusioned, mentally manipulated himself, that there was something he could do.
But finally, during a freewrite or “drabble”, he was finally forced into facing the truth, with the help of his father. As Vali’s writer, it was a scene that actually broke MY heart to write. Because Vali, at least in some sense, even imaginary, had his brother. The only person he ever truly trusted. That feeling of “knowing his brother was alive” was really the only company of Narfi he had left. The drive, motivation, etc. He thought that, over the wall somewhere, his brother was waiting. He didn’t feel alone. But after letting Narfi go, he finally knew his brother was gone and that he was alone in a world without him. That too, as a writer, hurt because Vali is probably one of the strongest muses I’ve had, When his brother was alive, Vali was the strong, never-back-down, but kind and humble one. And when I watch him crumble like that, it’s incredibly heartbreaking to watch.
Now, for the second half. Probably honestly, the one I hate the most. The “It’s just me?” moment, the loneliest he ever felt, came at a moment during that next anniversary of his birth, just how alone he truly was and how much, he just genuinely, missed Narfi.
Vali doesn’t handle anything well, to be honest. Especially when he realized everything he did - the people he hurt, manipulated, and the bridges he burnt and enemies he created, the darkness of Magic that he deep-sea-dived into. His emotions and mental state at first spiraled out of control. Though he eventually found himself in a much more mentally and emotionally stable ground, for a while he refused to speak. He was, in simple terms, silenced by the grief he could finally feel for Narfi’s absence. He didn’t want to hear condolences, justifications meant to make him feel better and it truly, DEEPLY annoyed him when anyone would insist on speaking to him and saying such things.