#deci's ship

[janto-cadell]

To Inasis

Inasis, 

I spoke tonight briefly with a Lady Kalonah Valdyr. I didn't remember her, but she remembered meeting me in your company. Of course I felt like kind of a jerk for forgetting, but it made me think of you, and days past.

Our meeting was at a fundraiser to refugees from Elona, and for Amnoon, and I had visited it late to offer what I could. 

I do miss you, and wonder how you doing. Are you well? 

For my part, my mind is healthier than it became when we parted, but the trials of my duty to Queen and Kryta, and to the good people of Tyria, have been many. I often find myself in situations where I miss your intelligence, cunning and capability. And your sense of righteousness. 

Lady Valdyr gave me a box of chocolates I mean to give to Sati next I see her. When you see her, please give her my love. I will do the same, of course, for you. 

I have a student at last, one I think will be capable of sticking it out. I hope this will push my own skill to new heights. She has mettle and curiosity, and I respect her drive. She also has many trials to overcome, and I hope I have the wisdom to guide her well.

Be well. Lyssa watch over you.*  

Janto Adega Cadell

*Written in a slower handwriting, with some awkwardness. Yes, this whole showing respect to the gods business is strange, but there it is.

[janto-cadell]

The Coin, II

“Ahai, Janto. I am glad that you are doing well. I have faith that whatever trials you or yours face, you will continue to triumph over them.”

Am I doing well?

That was the question in my heart as I sat on an old wooden bench not far from the Vanguard Hospital. The last time I had sat here, about five years ago, I wore dirty old clothes, the best I had to my name as a Krytan only recently returned home. The last time I sat here, I had recently left the hospital, recovering from just one of many wounds I’d receive facing a cult of lunatics over the years.

Now I wore the dress uniform of a Shining Blade, an outfit worn by the greatest Krytans called to serve their queen.

I love my queen so very much. But somehow I loved someone more. Somehow, no matter what I did, I was going to have to choose one victory or the other. Victory for Kryta, or victory for me? Weren’t they supposed to be the same?

I had an old earthen disk in my palm. It didn’t look much different than a coin, and I found myself flipping it between fingers, one way and then the other across my knuckles. 

I had always defined success by the quality, and capacity I had to serve my people. Could I hold onto that forever? Always put that first? Maybe. I took a brief glance at the space on the bench next to me, empty save for a memory of someone who sat there beside me, the memory of someone I’d tried to dissuade. Maybe I’d really only been trying to protect myself.

Here I was now, near the pinnacle of my discipline. Only a few months in with my new student, and I’d pushed myself further than I had the past year. One must teach to learn when they reach a certain age, and here I was, so close to the top. Perhaps soon I would be even a match for Aoshang, now, or Marken if he was still alive. 

But what did that get me?

I’d been so afraid that if I chose Inasis over Kryta that one day I would feel bitterness for her, that all I’d worked for my whole life was thrown aside for her.

But now? Now I felt it, now I couldn’t deny it. From a woman like Inasis, who thought and spoke with such precision and grace, I’d only been given two sentences.

I felt it. The bitterness. A tiny egg of anger — toward Kryta, and my queen.

The disk snapped between my fingers when I clenched them into a fist.