Love Ain’t Love If You Gotta Shrink Me to Receive It
Comedian KevOnStage recently went viral for stating that he leads with love when it comes to LGBTQ+ people. A lot of people clapped that up. Said it was kind. Said it was balanced. Said it was what the Church needs.
But I’m sitting with it differently.
Because as a Black Trans man, I know what that kind of “love” feels like in real life. And I’m not confused about it.
If you believe my existence is rooted in sin, then what you’re offering me is not love. It’s tolerance dressed up nice. It’s distance with a smile. It’s “I care about you, but I don’t respect who you are.” And that’s not something I’m interested in receiving.
You don’t get to love me and deny me at the same time.
That’s not love. That’s control.
Let’s be real. A lot of this conversation is rooted in interpretations of the Bible that haven’t always been honest or complete. The word “homosexual” didn’t even show up in the Bible until 1946. That’s not ancient truth - that’s a modern insertion shaped by politics, power, and fear.
And when it comes to being Trans? The Bible doesn’t even speak to gender identity the way we understand it today. Not directly. What it does show us is a God who creates with diversity, not limitation.
We see eunuchs - people who lived outside traditional gender and reproductive roles - not being rejected, but included. Welcomed. Trusted.
We see a Christ who transcends gender expectations, who moves beyond rigid roles, who centers spirit over structure.
So let’s not pretend the Bible is as narrow as people make it.
And let’s definitely not pretend that people have always believed in these rigid binaries.
Before colonization, many African societies recognized that gender wasn’t just one thing. There were people who lived, moved, and existed outside of what we now call “male” and “female.” And they weren’t pushed out - they were often respected.
The Chibados in Angola. The Mudoko Dako in Uganda. These weren’t mistakes. These were people with roles, purpose, and in many cases, spiritual significance.
That history is real. That history matters.
Because what we’re dealing with now - the rigidness, the shame, the policing of identity - that didn’t come from us. That was imposed. And some of us have been protecting it ever since like it’s holy.
So when someone says they “lead with love” but still believes my life is inherently wrong, I’m not moved. I’m not comforted. I’m not grateful.
I don’t need halfway love. I don’t need conditional care. I don’t need to be someone’s “struggle” while they figure out how to treat me like a full human being.
I need honesty. I need respect. I need people who understand that my existence is not up for debate.
Love should not require me to shrink, explain, or defend my right to be here.
And if your version of love asks me to do that?
