I love your post about Paul. The notion of him being scared of feelings in the first place is such a trend in his words and behavior.
Ah, anon dear, thank you so much!
And I totally agree with you. Despite not being a theme as explicitly or consciously explored as, say, “The Expression of Feelings” — to which Paul dedicated various songs and on-interview reflections over the years — the “Feeling the Feelings” part of the equation is one that lurks beneath it all, and manifests, like you said, mostly in his words and behaviors.
So you can imagine my happiness when Paul recently chose to address this aspect of him in an entire song — McCartney III’s “Deep Deep Feeling” — and that we are able to bear witness and gain wisdom from this journey within.
I too can deeply empathize with the reticence in falling prey to the roller coaster ride of intense human emotions. It all falls back to (like a lot of things, I’m afraid) this feeling of powerlessness; how it leaves you vulnerable to being hurt, and the fear that brings. It’s all pretty basic, really, but also infinitely complex.
I myself am still trying to find the answer: how to not live in fear of the waves of uncontrollable emotion — for well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool by making their world a little colder — but also not be totally overwhelmed by them, and get drowned in that ocean. Maybe I should learn how to surf!
Coming back to Paul, and in respect to his relationship with John, for example, I always felt that the issue wasn’t so much Paul coming to terms with loving John; but rather Paul accepting being loved by him.
It’s a matter of directionality, really.
Loving John depends solely on Paul. Paul can love John wholeheartedly, unconditionally, and what John does or doesn't do has nothing to do with it. Paul can go on loving John regardless of John’s attitudes or behaviors, as has been demonstrated over the years.
Being loved by John, though, leaves Paul’s heart in John’s (admittedly unreliable) hands. Being loved by John implies that John needs to be there to love him. It means getting used to the sun shining on him, but risking the cold when the sun goes away.
Giving love can be easier than receiving because the act of receiving necessitates another being there to give. It’s not solely dependent on you anymore.
John, on the other hand, needed to receive love so desperately, that he couldn’t really afford to close off his heart like that. But this desperation often interfered with his ability to love others well. Despite the infinite potential, the frequent feeling of drowning didn’t offer many occasions for John to selflessly give his love. Indeed, it was often conditional on the person saving him from drowning in the first place.
It always amazes me how well this is reflected in their respective thesis about love:
John says “Love is all we need”, while Paul says “The love you take is equal to the love you make”.
Paul wanted to live in a fair world where the love you receive is directly dependent on the love you give. While John knows that all he really needs in life is love.
They're both right, I think. I like to believe all the love you send returns to you, though it might not come from where you expected. And all you need is love, but maybe it needs to freely flow in both directions.
And so, to all the Pauls out there I say: remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better.
