#deepaquamichiru

[zensuality-blog1]

deepaquamichiru replied to your post: ooc; this week has been so exhausting omg. i...

-hugs- you can do it!! <3

( *hugs* thank you!! i’ll just keep pushing through, haha. )

[togovernwithdecorum]

✍

June 18th, 1813

Today I received a letter from my brother. My niece and nephew still remain well, as does his wife, as do my parents. Father had a cold last week, but has recovered well and is back to his normal walks. I am glad to hear it. Looking back through my notes, it has been six months since I was last home. I am thinking of visiting again in a month, but that depends on where I am posted.

I met with Lady Miranda again, today, and took the midday meal with her. The meal was spectacular, as it always is, and I took the opportunity to peruse her library when it was offered. I would like to have a library like that.

Indeed, owning a magnificent place, and the ability to ensure that my family did not want for anything would be ideal. I am moving up in the ranks, but not nearly as quickly as I would like. Still, it is a comfort to know that I am worthy of attention of any kind from a Lady Miranda. And I think I prefer her over many of the others to whom the Manvilles have introduced me.

The Manvilles are very amused, and imply to me that they picture a very romantic relationship. I do not think so. Lady Miranda is kind, and perhaps even fond of me, but I doubt she would marry a naval officer like me, and from what I know of romance I doubt that this is it. And if she were in love with me, I am not sure I would like that. My work does come first, after all.

Yet she is handsome, and a wonderful conversationalist. I do look forward to any time I have to spend with her. I think, despite my uncertainties, if she were to express an interest perhaps we could 

After I left the castle, I returned to the Manvilles’, and took a turn about the garden. I do miss the sea, when I am on land. Still, their property is very pretty, and I am glad that they have opened their home to me for the season. I find myself thinking of my men, and hoping that I am given a place at sea again soon. I have borrowed Sense and Sensibility, and will likely spend the rest of my evening reading it, since I will get to call on her again to return it as soon as I have finished it, and tell her what I think of it. I intend to study it thoroughly, and indeed, I look forward to it.

[lady-alsielle-blog]

“While I’m aware that our situation is less then ideal my dear Selina and I know it causes you to worry a lot, but I wouldn’t want my life any other way. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t take the time to remind you as often as possible how much you mean to me. I love you more then I’m able to put into words and having you next to me has made this life worth living. You have become an irreplaceable part of my life. Walking with you through the garden, reading next to the fireplace in the library, playing with the children, talking with you, kissing you, loving you, just being able to share my life with you…I have to constantly remind myself that this isn’t a dream. I never thought I’d be so lucky. So, my dear Selina, here is a small token of my affection. I hope it’s to your liking. I saw it and immediately knew its rightful place was upon your finger.”

Her eyes were watering by the time Miranda had barely progressed two sentences into her explanation. Selina turned to the side, hand reaching up to wipe at her eyes in a way that she had intended to be discreet, but was in no way so. The ring was beautiful. And of course, why would it not be? When it came to matters of aesthetics and fashion, Lady Miranda’s taste was without parallel.

There were things, Selina realized, that she would never tell them. Either of them. She would not tell them of the stack of adverts for governesses that sat buried in the back of her desk drawer. She would not tell them of the draft she had written of the necessary qualifications for a... replacement, with the intent to present it to Regis once he was next home on shore leave--as she knew that of her two lovers, he was less likely to attempt to talk her into staying. 

Selina would not tell them that she was reminded of her place in this family every day. Not by virtue of anything Regis or Miranda had done or said, but by virtue of how this... had to be, out of necessity. She stood as an island--never quite feeling part of their lives, but never being quite willing to leave them. She would never tell them how it weighed on her heart, to have to lie to the world, to Georgie and to her father and to all whom she held dear outside this home. She would not tell them how angry it made her sometimes, how frustrated, how tired--that she could not simply... be what she was. 

I know it causes you to worry. A small, traitorous part of Selina’s heart whispered back, you do not, you do not, how could you possibly--

--but she had lived with that voice for all these years, and she could live with it longer still. She lived with it when Regis would leave for deployment, and she would think, foolishly, selfishly, I could take up a sword and do battle on the seas just as well as you. She lived with it when they visited Miranda’s parents, and would think You make them proud, you make everyone so proud, how does it feel, how does it feel to be a proper daughter and not the spinster everyone whispers about.

That voice was a part of her. It was the same part that only felt truly herself when she held a rapier in hand. It was the same part that devoured books upon books about military history, and felt that she should have been something more than this, and daydreamed that maybe she was once, in some other life. It was, ironically, the same part of her that only wished to love the people she loved as utterly as she did--without judgment, without shame.

The ring did not quell the tremors of that voice. But as Miranda slipped it onto her finger, it did nonetheless soothe the sting.

She could endure those whispers from within herself. That resentment, that fear, that frustration. The peace that came from loving them, from being loved by them, was worth suffering any pain.

“You are... too kind, dearest Miranda,” she said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “I shall cherish this, always. Thank you.”

Another discreet-but-not wipe at her eyes, and she laughed awkwardly to brush off the tension, turning to find herself a handkerchief. “Goodness, w-we shall have to have the servants dust in here more thoroughly! A moment, darling--I’ve something in my eye.”  

[togovernwithdecorum]

“My dear husband. Regis. I know that this marriage is probably not what you imagined for yourself but I have to let you know how thankful I am for it. Not only have you given me beautiful children and helped shield me from the gossip mongers of the world, you have also given me a true best friend, and if I’m honest with myself a true love of my life. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel this way and yet I find myself supremely in love with you. I will be forever grateful for meeting you, for being able to live this life of ours and this is a small token from me to you. I had the cufflinks custom made so that while you’re on land with us your still near the sea and when you’re away you can still always remember the wife that loves you.”

Wordless, he stared at the cufflinks.

But Regis Manningtree had never been wordless for very long. He ran his thumb over the cufflinks, curious about the texture of the minuscule delicate design in relief.

Unimaginable luxury, frankly. It was strange to think how at home he could be in this castle, receiving such gifts from his wife for nothing more than the fact that she’d thought of him. He hadn’t married her for that immense wealth, though it certainly had not hurt. He’d married her for her name, for her agreeable nature--to protect her, as she’d said, from gossip mongers, and to give himself a path upwards.

He’d planned out quite a bit of his life. But she was--

“You are correct,” he said, finally. “Indeed this marriage is not what I had imagined for myself. I had not imagined quite so many children, and I had not imagined a family that would be so content, so accepting, of my love for my work, the time that I spend away from home. I had not imagined you and I would ever love each other. Appreciate each other’s company, certainly. I was glad, to consider the thought of growing old with you. But this--”

He couldn’t help but smile, hidden as it was behind his hands folded in front of his face.

“--Believe me, I do not need a reminder to think of you always when I am at sea.” He stood up, and moved around his desk, to press a kiss to her cheek. “I love them, Miranda--and indeed, I love you, as well.”

[togovernwithdecorum]

deepaquamichiru replied to your chat: munakata reisi: i have renounced the opportunity...

and four of those six are twins. so obviously that’s reisi’s/regis’s doing and not the women’s fault :p

true!

[samurai-esquire]

🔶-

🔶- Favorite color(s)?

Green! :D Because I really loved Sailor Jupiter as a kid pfff. 

[pinklocksoflove]

deepaquamichiru replied to your post: //god the height differences between most muses...

5’ 4" water goddess looking way up

Perfect height for staring into cleavage XD