Notes: In which your dearest friend Malleus has finally gotten a lover. Your feelings spread out across a confusing melody. Includes: Lilia Vanrouge, Malleus Draconia, Reader.
You watched Malleus’ back as it faded along the ocean shoreline with tears in your eyes. There he goes, your best friend finally happy as he could now be with his lover. The beads of happy tears strolled down your cheeks as the sun started to bleed into night. Everything was so beautiful as your friend had found someone to share a new beginning with.
There was genuine happiness since you knew they would make a perfect match for a lifetime. Yet, there was also a part of you swollen with the truth. The truth that knows your close-knit friendship with Malleus wouldn’t be the same as it once was. Of course, you loved Malleus, but as a friend who you could trust wholeheartedly. Those kinds of friendships run deep and long; this was no exception.
Looking across the shore aimlessly you thought back to how your memories of Malleus and the close bounds you two had. Days out in the warm sun trying all sorts of new activities that were so foreign to the two of you. Days where all you needed to do was take one good look to know how he felt. As the sand crumbled beneath you, so did your feelings.
The closeness of two friends Is never quite the same, are they?
With the night getting colder you attempted to lift your spirits. Repeating the same thoughts over and over again “It’ll be okay” which was the hard truth.
It’s okay that Malleus is in love. It’s okay if he chooses his lover over you, rather there are times he should. It’s okay to not be as close as you were before. It’ll be okay.
Finally approaching the dark lights of NRC you headed down main street coming to terms with the truth. Although it seems you weren’t the only one who had the same thoughts. A wobbling figure moved from side to side in front of you, that figure being Lilia. Curious you gave a light tap to his shoulder; without any hesitation he turned around to face you. There sat a pile of emotion all jumbled up to create a facial expression you’ve never seen before.
There had been happiness, from knowing Malleus wouldn’t be alone. There had been a proud look from his hard work of matchmaking. Yet, a mixture of melancholy played a melody across Lilia’s pale skin. The melancholy of knowing a child has grown and will no longer need your guidance. All of those emotions created the most heart wrenching expression.
Taking hold of Lilia’s hand, you held them in yours before you pulled him into a tight hug. While you two weren’t nearly feeling the same, the comfort of each other’s warmth melted the harsh cold. Such a bittersweet start to a new chapter in your life.
*angst monster crashes in* BEEN A WHILE SINCE I VISITED
Word count: 1,275
CW: Miscarriage, grief
A/N: *hits "post," runs away*
Empty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who. The. Fuck. Did. He. Think. He. Was?!
Rowan had left her. Left her. Strode out of her life, slamming her door behind him with a filthy curse on his lips and a bladed glare in his forest-colored eyes, masking the soul-deep chasm of pain that the fight tore open between them.
She’d be fucking damned if she was the one to move towards him.
No, the only thing she'd find if she reached out to him, if she tried to bridge the rift that had split them apart, was regret.
It had barely been three months since...since it happened. Since Aelin woke up from a nap feeling jolts of pain slice through her abdomen and was rushed to the emergency room. Three months since that tense, fear-choked afternoon and evening when Rowan held her hand the whole damn time they were in the ER, then held her close to his chest as her OB, tears in her eyes, delivered the news.
Three months since they'd lost their baby.
Aelin's OB could offer no explanation for the miscarriage. Both Aelin and the baby had been perfectly healthy, following all the instructions and recommendations to the letter, and nothing from any of her appointments had indicated that there might be any chance of complications to the pregnancy. Because she was into the second trimester, only seventeen weeks, she couldn't have pseudo-labor induced, but had to be rushed into emergency surgery to make sure she was safe and healthy.
No words, no sounds, no thing was enough to describe the ocean of grief in her eyes when she was wheeled out of the room she and Rowan had spend the last several hours in, when her fingers slipped from his as the doctors wheeled her away to surgery. Nothing could properly communicate the broken emptiness in her face, in his face, when she woke from the anesthesia with his hand linked with hers, alone and empty in a sterile hospital bed.
Aelin hadn't spoken for days after she came home except to cry into Rowan's shoulder, the salty heat of her tears soaking his skin. And when she broke her silence, her voice raspy from disuse and choked with grief, the first word out of her mouth was why?
"Why, Rowan? What did we do wrong? What did I do wrong?"
He hadn't been able to answer.
"It hurts," she croaked, gripping his shoulders. "It hurts, Ro."
"I know," he whispered, his own voice thick with tears. "I'm so sorry, my love."
~
Too soon, Rowan had to return to work, and he left her alone in her house, murmuring his reluctance into her hair. He hated to leave her like this, he wanted to stay with her, but he couldn't blatantly refuse his boss's orders to come back. Couldn't use any more of his time off before said boss got angry.
To Aelin, a broken shell of herself, it all sounded like excuses.
"Tell your boss to fuck off," she'd said, her eyes pleading with him to stay. "Tell her you're sick, tell her you have to quarantine, anything. I can't, Ro." She gulped. "I can't do this alone."
"Fireheart," he breathed, cupping her face, "you aren't alone. You have me at the press of a button, and you have everyone else--your parents, Lys, Aedion, Elide, our friends. You aren't alone, my love."
"I don't want anyone else," she croaked. "Just you."
"I can't," he choked out around the lump in his throat. "I can't lose my job, no matter how much I want to tell work to fuck off."
Aelin pulled back, pain and anger narrowing her eyes. "Coward."
"Fireheart--"
"See you this evening." She shut the door in his face and sank to the floor, wrapping her arms around her middle, over the still-tender scar on her abdomen. And cried silent, heavy tears, a tidal wave of emotion breaking over her.
Midafternoon, she'd called Rowan, thanking all things holy when he picked up rather than letting her go to voicemail. "A--Aelin?"
"I'm sorry I snapped at you," she whispered. "I'm--I'm hurting, Ro. I don't know what to do with myself when it all hits me."
"Oh, Aelin," he sighed, his voice a caress through the phone. "I forgive you, my Fireheart." A beat. "I know you're hurting, and if I'm being fully honest, I...I don't know what to do either."
"Don't think there's any answer," she murmured. "I love you, buzzard."
"Love you, Fireheart."
~
Slowly, as the weeks passed, Aelin had started going out of the house again, started to see her friends and family, started to figure out going back to work. Nothing was normal. Not even close. But... but the searing pain of losing her baby was beginning to dull, the edge fading from blazing grief into a gentler kind of mourning. Her body was healing, as was her soul.
And yet...she didn't know if Rowan was.
He'd grown more distant after the loss, throwing himself into his work as if to stop himself from thinking of the miscarriage, and it seemed that every time she tried to reach out, he brushed her aside or never fully answered her gentle probing. She told herself it was just his method of coping, that he would approach her when he was ready.
But as the weeks passed and he pulled further away, her empathy curdled into anger.
Until one night, she couldn't stand it anymore.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she demanded, storming into the living room and yanking the folder out of his hands.
"Baby--"
"Don't 'baby' me, Rowan Whitethorn." Her voice was steel, the cold edge hiding her tears.
His jaw locked. "Nothing's 'wrong' with me, Aelin. Why the fuck can't you see that?"
"And that's the problem!" she yelled. "Rowan, we lost our baby! What kind of heartless, soulless asshole just fucking forgets about it after he goes back to work?!"
"I'm not fucking heartless," he spat, pushing himself up to his full height. "You have your way of processing and I have mine. And gods, Aelin, stop using me as an excuse not to go to your therapist."
Her eyes flashed with sparks. "Don't you fucking dare, Whitethorn. You don't get to throw that bullshit at me."
"Not bullshit if it's true," he fired back. "Lie to yourself all you want, but we both know you're only leaning on me because you're too damn scared to go see Yrene."
"Fuck you," she spat, tears brimming up in her eyes.
His laugh was bitter. "Isn't that what got us into this argument in the first place? Too many lines crossed too soon?"
The crack of her hand across his cheek was deafening in the sudden silence.
They stared at each other, insults and emotions battling for dominance in each of their gazes. Until Aelin, her whole body tense with the effort of not crying, pointed towards the door.
"Get out." No more than a whisper, the two words malevolent nonetheless.
"Aelin--"
"Get. Out."
"Fine," he growled, collecting his work bag and striding across to the door. "Don't bother calling."
The door slammed shut.
And Aelin sank to her knees, a wild sob clawing out of her throat, her grief an uncontrollable storm.
Hours later, all her tears drained, she stood, wincing at the aches that came from spending too long crouched on the floor. She went to her bathroom, locked the door, braced her hands on the sink, stared into the smooth glass of the mirror. Stared into the broken, dull eyes that stared back.
Grief had emptied her completely, left nothing but a shell behind.
Choice (100 words) by time_converges
Fandom: Elementary (TV)
Rating: R
Warnings: Major Character Death, blood
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/Joan Watson, Sherlock Holmes & Joan Watson
Characters: Joan Watson, Jamie Moriarty
Summary: The wound was surely mortal. For JWP #9 - "the one person Watson chose not to save"
On Ao3
