#degrassi rp.

[astrologicalfailures-blog]

ooc. i’m not having a good day but i’ll try to do some stuff here. adding the following muse(s): Gavin “Spinner” Mason (Degrassi), 

[jay-middz-blog]

it's a mad world | eli & jenna

Jenna didn't know why she wanted to hang out with Eli Goldsworthy, but he seemed to be the only really normal person at Degrassi. They'd been so close before, and now they weren't. Even though he had his moments, he seemed to be on top of them. He was conservative with his thoughts and feelings. something she needed. She decided that she would go over there, and was surprised when he was down to hang out with her. Jenna had her own moments and she was known to be a nutcase. But at this point in her life, nothing seemed to matter except for Tyson. She attempted to keep it that way. So many things had changed since then, what was in store?

She slide on a pair of shorts and a blouse. Nothing too fancy, yet nothing too laid back. She slid on her sandals and grabbed her bag and car keys. Tyson was downstairs with his sitter and she was safe for a while. She kissed her toddler's forehead and said her goodbyes. She walked out of the door and briskly walked to her car, unlocking it. She slid in and pulled her sunglasses over her deep blue eyes and started it, putting on her seatbelt. She checked her phone and backed out from her driveway. She proceeded to drive toward the Goldsworthy residence. She'd remembered the way from last summer. Her mind was so fuzzy these days from the drama circulating in her life that she didn't even noticed she'd stopped in front of his house. She snapped out it and grabbed her bag and phone. 

She managed to get all the way to the front of his house and then stalled. She hadn't even really said two words to this kid since last summer. She took in a deep breath and knocked on the door. She waited for him to answer so she fiddled with her necklace and shifted her weight in between her two feet.

[fitzyboyfoundjesus-blog]

I Got the Point that I Should Leave You Alone, But We Both Know I'm Not that Strong.

The look on Bianca's face as he'd walked away had nearly broken what little of his heart that had remained undamaged through the night, but Fitz had forced himself to prevail on, every step along the hallways a struggle. All of his life, Fitz had run - from his broken family, from his inadequacy in school, from fights, and most importantly, from Bee. Running from her had always been his first instinct, even in grade nine, when he'd ended their relationship out of fear for what they'd become - somehow, he'd always been innately aware that she had the power to break him. Walking away from her, despite knowing it was the right decision, as it would save her a lot of heartbreak in the long run, was the hardest decision he'd ever had to make. His heart was shattering, splintering into a million shards as he pictured her broken expression in his mind, the look on her face just before he'd turned and walked away from her - an image he knew would forever be imprinted in his brain.  Tears filled his eyes, burning his cheeks as they slid down his cold skin, leaving hot tracks in their wake, but Fitz ignored them, knowing that as broken as he felt, whatever Bee was feeling was a thousand times worse.

Walking through the halls of the hotel, Fitz was almost in a daze, his mind refusing to process that it was over. Even when they'd called it quits before, in grade nine, the two just allowing their relationship to crumble to the ground out of fear of what they could become, losing her had never felt like this. Losing her before, Fitz has been upset, but as horrible as he'd thought it had felt the last time, that was nothing compared to the feeling he was experiencing now - the sensation of a hole being created in his  chest, a cavity that had once housed his now broken heart. 

He should have anticipated this all along, that he and Bee's love affair would play out this way, with him walking away, yet again, with a broken heart, but somehow, he hadn't been able to. Fate couldn't have dealt him a more difficult hand, he thought bitterly as the events of the last half an hour played like a movie in his mind, a never-ending film of heartbreak. All his life, Fitz had been in love with one girl, a girl who he knew loved him back - but a girl that fate told him over and over again that he couldn't have. Tears fell from his brown eyes as he replayed the last conversation in his mind, Bee's angry voice echoing in his mind like a broken record. Did you ever think about me, did you stop to think about what this would do to me? Those particular words, some of the first she'd uttered in the conversation, cut at his heart unlike any he'd ever heard in his life. Sure, Fitz had been forced to hear cutting criticisms be thrown at him, from every source, but somehow, these words escaping her lips, cut deeper than most. Maybe it was his love for her, that made him so susceptible to hurt from her, but regardless, Bianca DeSousa was the one girl with the power to break him. No matter how many times he ran from her, and from their relationship, he knew that would always be true. She would always be the one he gave his heart to, regardless of the consequences.

Tears fell from his eyes, unwanted but unstoppable, as Fitz walked through the hotel lobby, his frustrated mind not processing the world he saw through his broken, bloodshot eyes. The whole world seemed so surreal to him, so empty without her,  he wasn't processing his surroundings. His dead eyes jolted into focus when he was aware of someone slamming into his body, and when he looked up, he was confronted by the sight of the last possible face he wanted to see in this moment, as his brown eyes met blue.

[fitzyboyfoundjesus-blog]

I've Drawn Regret from The Truth of a Thousand Lies.

Throughout the trip to New York, Fitz had spent very little time with Bianca, due to the fact that the girl had spent the majority of her time with Torres or anyone but her boyfriend. If Fitz hadn't known Bee as well as he did, he would have suspected something was amiss in their relationship - but he knew Bee would never cheat on him. Therefore, Fitz had been determined to spend a night with Bee, just them, giving them a chance to reconnect. So far, the night had gone well, it had been filled with stolen kisses, laughter, and love - until Fitz had asked one crucial question, if Bianca regretted or truly blamed him for anything. From the moment the question escaped his lips, Fitz had regretted them, knowing he wouldn't like her answer, but he'd known he couldn't take his words back. 

As Bianca spoke, her words were soft, but filled with a sadness that Fitz had never heard escape her lips - she'd never been one for admitting misery, but misery was evident in her words, despair dripping from every word, "I don't blame you for what happened, with us, or all of the shit with you and... Jenna, but if we're being honest here, it broke me. It hurt, to see you with someone else, after all of the moments we spent together, after all of the I love you's... Shit, Fitz. I.. I loved you so much it nearly killed me." Her voice trailed off, shaking with tears - the strong front Bee always presented to the world crumbling to the ground before his eyes.

Hearing the despair in her words, watching her break before his eyes, Fitz felt the last bit of his resolve to stay for her shatter, his heart imploding in his chest. Before this moment, before hearing the words I loved you so much that it nearly killed me escape this girl's lips, some part of Fitz had been unsure, torn between leaving his life in Toronto behind for the benefit of others and staying to be with her, to make sure he didn't hurt her, but her words changed everything. Looking into her eyes, Fitz couldn't deny the truth anymore, couldn't deny that somehow, along the way, he'd fucking broken the girl he loved more than life itself - he'd broken the love of his life. He felt sickened with himself, unable to comprehend the realization that, despite the love he'd always had for Bianca, he'd put her in more pain, broken her in more irrevocable ways than anyone should ever experience. All of his caution with her, the moments when he'd tried to put her first - it was all for nothing. Because despite his best efforts, the girl standing before him, the girl who had once possessed a fire unlike any in the world, was broken in a way no amount of time and effort could repair - and it was all his fault.

Pulling his hands from her soft, warm ones, Fitz stepped away from her, shaking as self-hatred coursed through his veins, staggering under the immense weight of the guilt that had just been dropped on his shoulders. Tears filled his eyes, threatening to spill over onto his cold cheeks, but Fitz blinked them away, determined not to let this girl see him cry - not this time, not after everything they'd been through. Forcing his gaze from hers, unable to look into her brown eyes and see the honest pain she'd unveiled with her words, Fitz's hands grasped the metal railing of the balcony as he stared out at the city, the magic from minutes before shattered. He wasn't... As much as it pained him to think of walking away from Bee, as much as it killed him to picture a life without her, Fitz knew, in his heart, that it was neccesary for him to do so, for him to remove himself from her life forever, because he wasn't good for her. Despite having the best of intentions with her all along, despite loving her more than he loved life itself, despite everything he'd done to try and protect her, all he'd done was break her heart, over and over, and more importantly, all he'd done was break her beyond repair.

That was something that, no matter how much time went by, he could never forgive himself for - it was something he could never take back, no matter how badly he wanted to. 

His body shook as the truth sunk in, the knowledge that Bianca, the love of his life, would be better off without his presence in her life, but Fitz refused to let his inner turmoil show on his face. This pain, so painful that he could barely draw in even the shakiest of breaths, was one he was determined to never let her see, because he knew it would kill her to know what he was going through. That was the trouble with love, that it could destroy you - because you love who you love, even if they could be your downfall. Knowing Bee as well as he did, Fitz knew that her love for him wouldn't fade, not even distance nor time could change the way she felt about him - their love for one another was eternal. It wasn't going to go away, no matter how many times they tried to force it out. Their love wasn't some fickle crush, but something deeper - but Fitz knew love couldn't keep him from leaving her. In fact, his love for her would be what propelled his footsteps as he walked away. 

He loved her enough to walk away.

Tears spilled onto his cheeks, but Fitz ignored them, unable to speak just yet. The words he was about to utter to the girl before him would change everything, breaking him irrevocably as they spilled forth from his lips, but Fitz knew they had to be spoken - for her benefit. His heart breaking, Fitz opened his lips, trying in vain to hold himself together long enough to spill out his heart to her, and uttered the words he knew would inevitably destroy their world," Bee, I'm leaving, and I don't know if I'm coming back."