Sep 3, 2017
Its a blue pj kind of night xx
seen from Netherlands
seen from Russia
seen from China
seen from China
seen from France
seen from Brazil
seen from South Korea
seen from Brazil
seen from Singapore
seen from Brazil
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Latvia
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Russia
Its a blue pj kind of night xx
What happens when im feeling body positive and snapchat updates its filters :p Enjoy!
Ive been enjoying my hair being long enough to style again
Loving these snapchat filters!
Some new pics for you guys, couldn't sleep so here you go
Okay here we go, the rare look into my mind:
Dear diary, I have a problem. For as long as i can remember, i have always loved love. Sure there were times i hated it because i was burned, but i have always adored the feeling and power of a deep love. Unfortunately, i have never been able to get what i wanted out of love, whether its been a caring partner who liked my heart, but was absent when it came to following through to make it work, or it was someone who was willing to do all the right things to make it work, but would never try to know my heart, i just seemed to have no luck. I guess the thing is, i never truly know what it is i want, i will go through so many relationships, be used, abused, belittled, hurt and left, or i will be the one who hurts them through my uncertainty and illness. The more i sit and discover about myself, the more i think maybe im just not suited to be in a relationship. I dont think ill never have it, and of course i want it, but maybe im just not ready for love. The damage inside me has made me want to run from love, to be free, to be me, whomever i choose to make that. I want to travel the world, see the sites, experience the culture and get lost in other worlds that are bigger than my own. I want to take on myself, allow myself the chance to discover who she is. I dont want to be trapped here anymore, trapped by the realities of the life i have built for myself, and i dont want to be bound by the obligations and expectations placed on me by others.
I guess what im saying is ive had enough of being loyal and understanding to everyone except myself, i always let others sway me and influence my life, and im sick of it.
Here is a list of things i dont want: -i dont want to be in a relationship -i dont want to work in my job -i dont want to study my course -i dont want to live in this house -i dont want to be bound by my friends opinions -I dont want to be judged -I dont want to care about judgement when i am -i dont want to feel bad for being me -i dont want to be someone else -i dont want to people please -i dont want to exist as i have before
Here is what i do want: -i want to be free -i want to travel -i want to fall in love entirely -i want to feel supported in my choices -i want to live a life unshackled -i want to shine through my darkness -i want to not worry about money, but instead, of what wonderful things i will get up to next in my day -i want to plan my days, not my life -i want to be part of something bigger
Ive never been what people would call lucky, but i wish so hard, so much, on every star, in every bone in my body, that i could find the way out, that i can win the lottery and finally have the means to help those i love and help myself finally do the things I’ve dreamed of.
I want to be free, Please let me be.