#deleting?

[good-gremlin]

phenomenon

[savturn]

not that this is important or will really matter to anyone, but I discovered something about myself tonight

I identified as asexual before but I don't feel like that label necessarily fits me. I say this because I've discovered that, because my self-esteem is so low, the very thought of someone seeing me without anything on or doing anything with me freaks me out because in my mind, they'll only be disappointed with what they get. I'm so self-conscious and critical of myself that my brain forces everything else out and just says "no", even though I do naturally feel differently.

my small brain was trying to find an excuse for hating my body so much and it went with being asexual - which I am, in fact, not.

so that's that on hating my body.

[savturn]

does it ever happen to you that you're just doing your own thing and suddenly emotions hit you like a freight train? 'cause me rn

[savturn]

some days I really dislike my drawings and wonder why I got a tablet in the first place.

[savturn]

I miss it.

This is literally just me, little ol' Sav, talking about something that I've noticed since I moved my blog and that honestly makes me kinda sad. Anyone who takes the time to read it... Thank you, I appreciate it.

So I had this url back on another blog which is now archived. I became inactive for a bit because of issues happening in my personal life and when I returned, Tumblr started messing me up and was making my blog basically nonfunctional. I then made this into a sideblog for another blog I have (which i will not say because I want to keep them separate) and I haven't had any issues since then.

However.

I had so many friends back there, so many people that I loved to interact with and who I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of seeing in my inbox or on my dash every day. Since I came back onto Tumblr after the events that transpired in my personal life, I almost feel... Invisible in a sense. The big majority of those I interacted with are seemingly gone or just maybe have forgotten about me.

It sucks. If it weren't for tumblr fucking me over, I would still be over there. I feel small and kind of irrelevant since then. I don't mean to be a major downer and I apologize for the negativity, it's just been on my mind for a while now.

Thank you to the few who stuck around and to the new friends, I appreciate you a lot.

[savturn]

just came back from the ER and all i want is to curl up with a pma hoodie. tonight is not a great night.

i hope i can get a hoodie. maybe it will lessen the anxiety on other ER trips.

[averyanarchy]

It's been a minute. I've been traveling for the past week and haven't had wifi so I haven't been on. Pics to come. I went on a road trip with my so-called "boyfriend" who actually told me he doesn't want to be in a relationship and then convinced me to go on this trip with him. I'm making money out of it, but we just got frustrated with eachother (mainly him) so I left today and am now hanging out in my hometown for a bit. But yes he is helping me make the money to move out of his place (we've been driving eachother crazy) Most of all I just think that being with this man has been toxic as much as I am still in denial to some degree. Im in love with him and he hurt me several times emotionally and physically. I feel like I deserve better as much as I want things to work, nothing has changed really. Here's to moving on 🍻