With 15 odd years experience at following delivery directions I think we’re finally getting the hang of it at Hodge Fencing. Here is a light hearted guide to a few common instructions and their translations.
1) You can’t miss it
Translation - Well we missed it but only the first three times and nearly all of our visitors have found it eventually, apart from Aunt Prue that is, apparently she spent 3 days driving round Kintyre before giving up.
2) Where the new house will be.
Translation - consult Argyll & Bute council’s planning department website, it’s your best and indeed your only chance of finding the drop site.
3) The second gateway on the right after the junction
Translation- the second gateway not counting the rather overgrown one that no-one ever uses, until now that is.
4) 300 yards after the yellow JCB
Translation - it’s orange, it’s not a JCB and it moves, usually about 2 hours before the delivery is due to arrive.
5) Where the large pine tree was.
Translation- consult the postman, the nearest local shop or failing those, the local tree surgeon.
6) There is plenty of room to turn
Translation - there is plenty of room to turn for a mini.
7) You should get over the bridge no problem
Translation- it’s rated for 3 tonnes and you don’t weigh more than 6 so that should be fine.
8) I’ll send a map
Translation- but I won’t put any co-ordinates on it because I know you’ll have hours of fun comparing the detail of one section of forest road to most of the Ordnance Survey maps for the area trying to work out which forest the map refers to.
9) Site officer’s Contact details
Translation - this is a bit of an in joke. The details are actually for somone who retired and left the company 3 months ago but it’s a good way to remember him and anyone who matters knows who they need to get in touch with now.
10) Brief site induction
Translation - the site induction takes 15 minutes but tracking down the man who does it takes 3.4 days.
