Super Happy Crazy Fun Blog Presents... How Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey Could Have Gone
Scene opens on a couple's bedroom. There is a basinet with a baby in it. Evil Bill and Ted sneak up to the door of the bedroom wearing their trademark sunglasses.
ET: "OK, this is it. You wanna do the honors?"
EB: "I thought we agreed that you were going to bludgeon him to death and I was going to laugh maniacally?"
ET: "Oh yeah."
They go up to the basinet. The baby makes cooing noises. Ted takes out a pipe and menacingly hits the opposite palm with the end of the pipe a few times while smirking. He raises the pipe in the air while grimacing.
The video phone rings.
EB: "We better get that."
ET: *Answers video phone* "Yeah?"
Denomolos, on the screen: "What are you idiots doing?!"
ET: "We're defeating Bill and Ted like you told us to do, starting with Bill... *Lifts sunglasses and squints eyes* I think..."
EB: "Nah, man. It's definitely Ted. He totally has your eyes."
Denomolos: "You're killing them as babies?!
ET: "Uh... yeah?"
Denomolos: "This isn't what we discussed!"
ET: “Well we decided that what we discussed was stupid and that we would rather take the even-more-evil shortcut so we won’t have to do all that other stuff you told us to do.”
Denomolos: “All you’re doing is proving to me how profoundly lazy you both are!”
EB: “You may call it lazy but we call it being innovative. As two artificially intelligent dudes, we’re capable of finding other solutions.”
ET: “Yeah. Work smarter, not harder!”
Denomolos: “Well you still can’t do what you’re doing.”
EB: “Why not? Give us one reason why we can’t, Old Man.”
Denomolos: *Sighs* “Because it would be a very short movie.”
Evil Bill and Ted look at each other.
EB: “Yeah, I guess.”
ET: “Whatever.”
Denomolos: “Now time-travel to the period that I told you to go to before I murder YOU two instead!”
EB: “All right, all right.”
Evil Ted looks at the baby one last time
ET: “I guess you get to live another day, Little Dude. Enjoy the rest of the Nixon Administration, I guess.”
