#depressionquest

[pansy2025]

did you make it to the store?

not yet 🫡 but surely. surely tonight. right.

[turntechjughead]

reasons rachel is crying (late august - late september)

started swing dancing again / heard the band play a duke ellington song

played a friend’s band’s cd in my car and when carolina i’m listening came on i started crying immediately upon hearing it for no reason

watched the princess diaries

quoted pictures for sad children to my mom when talking about how i felt about going dancing again (”do you think forcing yourself to do it made you feel better or you could only do it because you already felt better”) (it’s the latter)

pretty much any time i read a comic on tumblr about being trans or liking girls

thought about [s] terezi: remem8er

listened to true trans soul rebel by against me!

bojack s01e11

a bunch of other bojack episodes that i stopped keeping track of

[turntechjughead]

there was about a thirty-minute turnaround from “i’m gonna put makeup on for the first time in seven months to go to the psychiatrist” (see fig. 1) to “i don’t want my psychiatrist to get the wrong idea about what it means for me to be getting better” (fig. 2)

[turntechjughead]

depression is wild y’all, i don’t even know

[turntechjughead]

i love when i am shown an ad that just says “are you ready to meet someone near you?” and they don’t specify “for sex” and the picture isn’t even sexy it’s just like a linkedin-ass headshot. i love this because i make the same joke to myself every single time, and the joke is that i think “i don’t know, is she a therapist?” and that’s it. i didn’t say it was a good joke. it’s also less funny if you don’t have the context of trying to look for a therapist, because that shit is harder than i expected.

[turntechjughead]

i know that typing the words “what if i dyed my hair black” into the internet legally constitutes a cry for help but What If I Dyed My Hair Black

[redactedthoughts]

Sinking so low it hurts to just be,

unreachable surface not only for me.

Looking for methods to quicken the plot,

night of it all make sure the door’s locked.

I’ve heard this death hurts but it can't be that bad.

As long as it works and solves this I’m glad.

Not that the agent is present post act.

But nothingness welcomes you after the fact. 

Empty and husked some body lies there, 

sinking and stinking.

Deepening darkened light seeps in the cracks.

Damning all hope wish it never came back.

Let it all end, just set me free.

Let it just end, I cant do this for me.

Death like a wish,

I’d trade you for me.

Just let it end, I can’t bear to see.

[turntechjughead]

i used to have an unlisted abilify side effect where i would cry super easily at almost anything, and also a side effect where i would get very tired very suddenly at about 8pm and fall asleep without intending to, and to correct the second one i was told to take it at night instead of in the morning and it seems like it fixed the first one too? i don’t understand medication! brains are weird!