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look closer. don’t mistake tree trunk for Wyoming fencepost, saint for boy, though in the end, they died the same—beaten, blued, bloated & abandoned. but in this moment, hands bound over his head, eyes toward heaven, he’s still alive. shot through with light. throat exposed like a shepherd giving his life over to wolves.
- Derek Berry, martyrdom of saint sebastian after Guido Reni.
Derek Berry wore Britney, color me shocked.
Dear Gus & Magnus,
Winter Storm Mara has hit Texas and threatened to hit Little Rock last night, so about half the team opted out of our planned retreat. This is the group who stayed the course. We ended up making the retreat less about overall Comm Team initiatives and instead about this year's Summit.
Dad.
Grapevine, Texas. 2.1.2023 - 3.18pm.
FUN FACT: We're at the Gaylord Texan Resort, which is where I came during my first six months of working at Garver. I came for a conference and felt completely out of place. Now I'm here planning my own conference and totally in my element, which kind of makes me think I've completely sold out to corporate America at this point. But not really; our conference is way better than the one I came to back in 2013.
at the party, i try to quote judith butler and say gender is a performance i’ve never been super good at. i tell them i have been dreaming about becoming a chandelier instead. ablaze, far from here, & safe. i am searching for one place that feels safe.
from chandelier by Derek Berry, published in beestung
Dear Gus & Magnus,
Today was a long day of greeting Garver people coming into the hotel, revising the Summit script, and working through potential performance issues with Derek. I also went to dinner with the Water Team.
My role at the company is changing after Summit. And really it's been evolving over the last couple of years. But I'll be more focused on building and maintaining the company culture as the voice of Garver and a sort of companywide hype man. I'm excited about it.
Dad.
Kansas City, Missouri. 10.12.2022 - 11.26pm.
SIDENOTE: It's worth noting that today marks five weeks since I've had an alcoholic beverage. I've enjoyed waking up with a clear head. I don't think I'm giving up alcohol for good, but I'm extremely happy with having taken it out of my everyday life. I've been sad lately when I think about how old I will be when you two are grown and I want to do everything in my power to stay with you as long as possible.
Dear Gus & Magnus,
Derek has a bad habit of spilling beverages on electronics. Got him again today, but the damage was minimal.
After having multiple people tell me they assumed I know Lindsey Millar (at the Arkansas Times) well and are probably friends, I decided to invite him to lunch out of the blue. So we had lunch today and talked about growing up in the Methodist Church -- he was a year ahead of me at Searcy, apparently -- and making a life as writers. It was a good lunch and I'm glad I reached out to him. I've learned that it pays to be the kind of person who initiates contact/friendships. It's rarely as awkward as you think it's going to be.
Dad.
Little Rock, Arkansas. 5.10.2018 - 8.56am.
Dear Gus & Magnus,
We had our team Christmas party today and played a dirty Santa game after a potluck. Because it's Mom's birthday, I went and picked up her favorite sushi on my way home. When I walked through the door, you two and Mom were all wearing hats at the dinner table and I thought to myself how happy I am that your mom is so fun and that she is ours.
Dad.
Little Rock, Arkansas. 12.16.2021 - 1.20pm.
Dear Gus & Magnus,
Mom had a ladies' night thing with Mrs. Cory and her friends, so I invited Mr. Derek to join us for boys' night at the Choate house. Gus said, "Yes! I like Mr. Derek!" What Mr. Derek didn't know (and I didn't either) was that I was going to put him to work. Magnus refused to go down easily, so I sent Derek a text to run Gus's bath water. And then later, I sent Gus down with his book so Derek could read to him.
Derek was completely out of his element, but I think they both enjoyed it. After you two FINALLY went to sleep, Derek and I watched the Thursday night football game.
Dad.
Little Rock, Arkansas. 10.14.2021 - 8.25pm.
