Desire
(Philip Hamilton x Reader)
Words: 2021
Summary: Raise a glass to the broken
AU: Hamiltime
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, cursing, angst??, very poorly edited, if there is anything else please do inform me
Author’s note: The song Adrienne sings is called, “Polly is a Very Sad Slut” by John Gay written in the 1700s
Masterlist | Prompt List
Chapter Two: Liquid
The blush on her face was thought to be bliss and happiness, but when the pungent odor wiggled out of her mouth she wrinkled her nose. Adrienne’s eye were a mute blue. It was unlike the one that sparkle when she smiled or laughed. Her eyes drooped while her mouth was set into a flat line. Adrienne’s body looked limp like a doll when she splayed across the couch, but when she moved it seemed like strings tugged her up and dragged her around while she walked. (Y/N) disliked this side of mommy. String of words were so unrecognizable and so angry. As a child she could not understand those messy words. Even as an adult girl she did not understand the syllables, vowels, and mumbles.
Adrienne smacked her lips together and hummed. (Y/N) stared at her with fear as she saw the dribble of saliva and alcohol slide down her chin. Adrienne shooed the liquid off of her chest and chin. Adrienne sang softly and danced. Her toes landed sloppily as she spun in circles. When her toes were above the ground, it was graceful and sifted through the air like a ribbon. “Our Polly is a very sad slut!” She sang as she hopped around and spun. Adrienne took another swig and clutched her eyes tightly as she twirled. “Nor heeds her what we have taught her!” (Y/N) eyed her as she tucked herself behind the wall. She watched her mother dance while her crying broke her voice during her singing. Adrienne skipped over to the cabinet,” I wonder any man alive will ever rear a daughter!” She tossed glass bottle from behind her; it shattered. The little girl flinched,” For she must have both hoops and gowns and hoods to swell her pride!” She struggled to pull off the cork. Adrienne picked at the cork and grunted as she tried to twist it. She weeped while she laughed at herself. Once the cork popped off, she threw it aside as well. Adrienne flipped the glass bottle and chugged it down while humming. Tears were drawn on her cheeks, “And she will have men beside-” A sob ripped through her throat,”-and when she’s dressed with care and cost,” The intoxicating liquid quickly being polished from the glass. Adrienne tumbled back as she panted from the lack of air. (Y/N) watched her mother holding herself against the counter while she whimpered and bawled. She could hear glass shift between an object and the floor. (Y/N) stared at the ground to see a small pool of blood and shard of glass.
“Dammit!” Adrienne yelled as her fist collided with the wood. She set her drink down and limped away from the counter, setting (Y/N) to sprint back to her bedroom. It was in the middle of the night when that happened. She was shaking in her covers despite how thick they were.
It was in the morning when she smashed her mother’s bottle onto the floor. Adrienne looked at her with shock. Before she did the deed, (Y/N) caught her mother cradling her forehead. She tilted her head back sucked out most of the drink.
“Mama?” She softly called out. (Y/N) hesitantly stepped out of the frame of the door. Her mother turned to her and sighed. Adrienne studied her eyes, She clenched her jaw. Her eyes strayed away from her and onto to the glass bottle.
“Don’t look at me.” She murmured quietly. (Y/N) continued to peer at her with innocent-blown eyes,“Don’t look at me, please!” She shouted. (Y/N) flinched and took a step back. Adrienne sobbed while her hands cupped her eyes, “Just please..Your eyes remind me of him…” She said softly. “Your father.. That sick bastard!” Adrienne slapped her palm against the table and ripped out a shaky sob. Her palms turn into a tight fist. “Fuck.” She hissed.
(Y/N) closed her eyes as she flinched. (Y/N) took a big, shaky huff and stomped over to her. Tears were on the edge of her eyes. Adrienne spread her finger by a little to create a little peephole. She saw her daughter with furrowed brows. Her eyes widen. Adrienne shifted her body towards her.
“I’m sorry, my darling. It was not my intention-”
(Y/N) slapped the bottle out of her hand,”No! Don’t drink! No!” She screamed. Tears began to quickly escape her eyes. Adrienne’s eyes were blown open, her tears began to fall as well. Her baby girl jumped on to her lap- avoiding the glass- and quickly embraced her. Adrienne’s back was on the hunch of her back. Her daughter’s face muddled into the crook of her neck. (Y/N) sniffled and burrowed her neck further into her neck. The mother could feel a damp spot on her neck. The little girl latched onto her neck tightly. The woman’s tears fell softly as she heard her daughter hiccupping,” Don’t drink anymore, mama…” She murmured. “You scared me.”
What was she thinking? She was losing herself in this void of grief because of a man who left. She was not alone. She had the love of her life with her. The light of her life. The bundle of joy. She held a miracle in her hands, but she continued to weep. Her daughter need her, and she will give all of her to do fulfill her needs.
“I promise I won’t, my love.”
She caressed her fingers absentmindedly while the mute chatter happened around her- Alexander being the loudest as he burst with laughter. Eliza placed a glass of water on the table beside her plate. (Y/N) did not thank her. She just studied the cup. Eliza smiled at her and softly patted her shoulder as she walked away. (Y/N) never like to drink this intoxicating liquid. She was frighten she would inherit her mother’s reaction to this potion. Spilling sadness and spilling violence. The girl would hate to add the weight to her and her mother’s reputation. She would hate to spill her emotion like a baby eating slop from her bowl. Especially in front of the Hamiltons. Especially in front of Philip. The waiters and waitresses started to trickle in. Hot steaming food being contained by metal domes only to be lifted as they settled on a spot at the table. Eliza began to meandered around, having a polite smile as she talked to couples, the widows and widowers, bachelors and bachelorettes, and the old bachelors and bachelorettes. (Y/N) continued to peer at the cup, thinking about her decision.
“Eliza,” The young girl called out politely,”May I have a glass of red wine instead?” she asked. Everyone stopped picking at their food and glared at her with bewilderment. Men and women mutter at each other as they stare her down.
“(Y/N),” Philip started off from across of her.”Wha-”
“My dear, you always hated to drink. What’s the change of palette?” Eliza interrupted.
Alexander arched his eyebrows while he held onto his fork and knives. His fork already punctured into it and his knife about to dip into its flesh. The couple found out her dislike for the beverage when they offered it to her once. She declined saying it gave her bad memories. They were curious- Alexander was the one who asked questions while Eliza hit his arm- but didn’t force her to drink. (Y/N) stared at her blank plate before giving a quick glance at Philip. I just need to forget, she thinks to herself. I need to distract myself from your damn fucking son, she screams in her head.
“I’m not quite fond of large crowded areas.” She started off with a chuckle.”The snake around my waist isn’t assisting me either at the moment. Might as well distract myself.”
The silence overwhelmed her. It also overwhelmed the guest and the Hamiltons.
“Well, let’s get her that drink, Eliza!” Alexander exclaimed anxiously, breaking the ice. Elizabeth nodded and pinned her eyes onto her with a worried glare. Everyone chattered after that. People babbled while the delicious pork’s aroma stewed in the air. They ate and laughed. Alexander didn’t seem to notice her odd change, but Philip and Eliza noticed the shift in colors. Eliza handed her a glass of wine, and (Y/N) softly smiled at Mrs. Hamilton. Eliza then descended back to the seat right next to her husband and across from Mr. Franklin. (Y/N) noticed the concern look in her eyes as she talked to her husband. Her husband gave her a care free smile, but Eliza continued to worry. Eliza glanced at her again with a anxious glare.
Philip stared at like some kind of alien while his fiance babbled to him. Guilt seem visible to that freckled faced boy. (Y/N) lifted her glass and gave him a nodded.
“Cheers, dots.”
(Y/N) sat on The Rock. The Rock was normally for happiness and sweet little meet ups. But, right now it was a time for sorrow. The moon created a silver ribbon that possessively stretched across the river. Her bare feet being tickled as the quickly ran by. Her fingers were interlaced with the river. The little trickling water whispered fond memories she kept near her heart. The heartbroken creature pulled out her fingers from the river’s cold embrace, and softly traced the petals of spring flowers. Soft images of two people dancing brings sadness into her heart. The bushes rustled and twigs snapped, she was concerned at first, but she saw the silhouette of his curls.
“Do you remember when we used to dance in the river?” She questioned as she gripped onto a flower tightly. The flower left shriveled as she unleashed it, “The moon perfectly set upon us like a spotlight in a play. It was quite ridiculous and so sappy, but it was memorable.” (Y/N) stared at the river. This place was a place of peace. (Y/N) would reminisce the little dance in the water. The two of them were so close that she could feel his breath against his face while their bare feet glide through the water. The moonlight against his eyes was like the stars were close and were a gift for her. His coat, shoe, and socks were placed on the rock- the one she is sitting on right now. Philip’s sleeves and pants were rolled up as they pranced around in the water. His hair lightly matted with some water. The edge of her skirt was lightly soaked.
She loved that memory. It was her happy place, but it was teared down. That’s when she noticed the tears falling down her face, she chuckled.
“Is there a reason why you are here?” She asked desperate for him to go. She spun around to see a frowning a Philip. Why did he seem so sad? He was silent.
“You aren’t particularly plagued in stress that your skin starts to peel and you have black bumps or dunked into grief while you stick your hand out wishing to reach out to something warm and grasping it as tight as you can until you melt into pure content.” She barked.
“This place is for happy people as well, (Y/N). For people who would share a kiss and for one to embrace each other or to daydream. ” He spoke out.
“Yes, when they were in love and with someone, Hamilton. When they decided to meet at this one precious spot. But, this spot no longer belong to one of them.” (Y/N) hissed at him.
“(Y/N), this isn’t your spot. This spot is mine as well! Don’t be damn selfish!” He countered.
“Selfish?” (Y/N) laughed.
“You take my heart and you smuggle it into your coat, which I thought you would care for. But, you decide to dump into the side of grief lake while snatching another one! You didn’t even have the heart and head to end the relationship when you fell out of love!” The girl screeched. Her heart was searing with pain. “This is the last thing I have left of peace and mind.” She whimpered.
“Let me have it.”
She said.