#destituteboy

[singingrass-archive]

He hates this --- fuck, he hates this --- and Job is not the type to use that term lightly. It’s just... it’s so fucking confusing.       He likes Benny. A lot. He likes hanging out with him --- in and outside the confinements of the garage, the latter having gotten increasingly frequent over the last few weeks. He’s... well, he’s just a funny, genuine, kindhearted guy --- and though Job is a firm believer in the goodness and kindness of man, at the same time, finding someone as earnest as Benny who, on top of that, feels the same way towards Job --- well, suffice it to say it doesn’t happen every often.       But, well, at the same time --- he isn’t gay. He isn’t. It isn’t even a homophobic thing (Job could never be so cruel towards others and, anyways, figures God has better things to do with His time than give one solitary shit about who’s fucking who in the human world) --- it’s just... a knowledge of self. Whatever had happened a few months ago that had left him heartbroken and in the midst of a profound identity crisis was just a slip-up, a one time thing --- he wasn’t into men. ISN’T --- isn’t into men. That one guy just... whatever, he can’t explain it, whatever had happened between them was just a mistake. It’s really that simple. He’s just... a loving guy, he supposes --- has a lot of love to give, intensely, and sometimes, suppose that means platonic and romantic feelings can get mixed up. That’s all that it is.       If only things could be that simple, though. If only he could explain all of this without hurting Benny’s feelings. Jesus fucking Christ on his fucking throne, he hates this.

“Benny...” though he doesn’t let go of the other’s hands nor does he make any effort to push them away, Job finds it a tad to difficult to meet the kid’s gaze, lips twisted in a crooked, broken line as he chews on the inner side of his cheeks in search of the right words; knowing, simultaneously, there are none.       “... I ain’t gay, okay?” Sighing, gaze set at his own feet, he looks away at nothing in particular, wishing to look at something, anything but Benny as he finally retracts his hands from his and crosses his arms over his chest. “Just --- I don’t wanna lead you on or nothin’. It ain’t --- there ain’t nothin’ wrong with you, kid. But I --- whatever this is, just... we can’t do this anymore. At all. Okay?”

@destitutesoul continued from this.

[gonemxd]

@destituteboy cont.

 ‘ i     didn’t     mean     to     fall     asleep. ’       a     soft,     just     a     little     laugh     escapes     benny’s     lips     as     he     recalls     the     night     before     ;    how     everything     was     almost    perfect,     how     the     last     thing     he     remembers     is     the     other     male     promising     to     BE     RIGHT     BACK    &&     apparently,     as     soon     as     james’     hands     were     off     him,     the     distraction     was     gone    &&     his     eyes     slipped     shut,        off     to     DREAMLAND          he     went —- !           next     thing     he     knew,     the     sun     was     shining     through     the     windows    &&     his     partner     was     sleeping     beside     him.                guilt     consumed     him     &&     his     lips     pull     down     into     a     frown     as     he     steps     forward,     reaching     out     to     hold     james’s     hands     in     his     own.                   ‘ i    really      didn’t     mean     to     fall     asleep. ’

“That’s comforting- so I wasn’t boring?” James is mostly teasing at this point, an amuse smile on his face . He knows Benny’s relationship with sleeping- the man worked himself too hard, it was no surprise that he had fallen asleep when he had left the room for a moment. It was cute, honestly. James had pulled the covers over Benny and climbed in next to him, opting to let him sleep than to wake him up. He probably needed sleep more than anything else. 

He lets Benny take his hands, gently tugging him closer. “I know, it’s completely okay.” James smiles gently, pressing his lips to the side of Benny’s forehead. “You needed that sleep, you gotta stop working yourself so hard.”