#deviantdreams

[mindcocoon]

[distantfemale]

Oh god. Spilling my heart out bullshit..

So I really feel as though sleep just isn't an option tonight.. I still feel like doing homework and I have too many things on my mind that's making me upset. I might sound like a complete wank right now, but my friend Karolina agrees with me ( it's cool that we can talk about these things). So I'm starting to notice more and more things that bug me about my ex that I didn't notice at all before we were dating. Just little things though. Like, he gets really emotional about a lot of things and he makes it obvious that he's upset but whenever someone tries to help him he just pushes them away and then gets more upset when he thinks no one is trying to help. He says really arrogant little remarks and just stupid stuff that I probably thought was funny before. It's not that I don't like him as a friend anymore, it's just I've noticed so many things that bug me about him, more than thing that make me wanna be close friends with him again. I'm not sorry. Oh an other cool thing about him, well not really him but it's kind of linked, his best friend is awesome. I like him. So that's stupid of me, I don't even like the fact that I like him. I mean he's really nice and funny so he can make me laugh at my given moment, but I feel like him any I don't have anything in common and it's usually hard for him and I to hold a conversation. I can only think of four things him and I have in common: - we both blaze - we hate and don't give a shit about school - we both want to go to California after highschool - and we both sing So those are cool things? He always talks about doing a duet and singing " a whole new world " from Aladdin with someone. I wanna be that someone, I just wanna sing Disney songs with him all of life! Schools sucks. Basically all I have to say. I'm gonna graduate with over 115 credits though, so that's good. Not that I care at all.. Uhg, I think I need to start a weekly thing with someone where we just rant to each other about everything that's bugging us at that moment. But it always has to be the same person, no switches what's so ever, too much shit gets around. Could be helpful.. A funny things just happened though, Jackie and I were talking about pillows, and I was telling her about this new fluffy one that I got when I reorganized my room. I had to say that it is long and good to cuddle with so of course I couldn't keep a straight face the whole time while saying it, so she ended up laughing which resulted in me thanking her for understanding my lame sense of humor! Best friends! <3 I will be amazed if someone actually reads this useless shit that bugs me and that really didn't matter.