Dear Mom, I’ve written you this letter becauseI, like you, am not the best at expressing my emotions, but I feel that it islong overdue.
Dear Mom, I want you to know that I would do anything for you. You are admirable, even though I know you think you aren’t, and you deserve more praise than what you receive. When I think of all the forces that rally against you, I am astounded by your resilience. You, a black, bisexual single mother who works two jobs to support her three children. I don’t know how you made it through. From the beginning, the system was against you. You were never meant to succeed. And yet, I watched you through the years pull our family from poverty. You always made sure I had food to eat. You always made sure the house had heat in the winter. You spoiled me instead of spending on yourself. I’ve seen you take years from your life working endlessly just so I could get a better education, so I could make it further than you did and do better than you’re doing.
Dear mom, I’ve seen your battles. I’ve come to realize your experiences simply fuel your strength and will only break you if you let them. When I introduce you as my mother and people look around you to see if I’m pointing to someone else because our skin tones are so different, I know it stings. When someone looks at your scrubs and sees your gender, they assume that you are a nurse and that you couldn’t possibly be a doctor, and I know it’s infuriating at times. When our friend called you every morning for months to threaten her own life while you were driving me to school, I could hear your refusal to let yet another friend die, your determination to change the outcome even when others had given up on her. I know it was taxing. I know that the bullying and the homophobic and racists comments I’ve received from others inside and outside of school weren’t nearly as severe and potentially damaging as the ignorant insults that have been showered upon you. But I know that when life has beaten you until you have little will to go on, you still find it in your ever-replenishing reserves of fortitude to keep pushing back. I hope to learn that from you.
Dear mom, I don’t know what my life would have been like without you. You are the person who pushed me. You are the person who taught me that what is wrong and what is right isn’t always black and white. You are the person who taught me that being afraid of the consequences of standing up for what you believe in is never a good enough reason to remain silent. In the second grade when I told you I was being bullied, you told me to never be afraid to defend myself and others. It’s true that growing up I knew more homosexuals than heterosexuals. This sometimes rowdy group of women taught me to never believe I was less than others because of my gender, my age, my sexual orientation. You surrounded me with people who would motivate me to be a better me. Your peers in medical school were among the hardest working and enduring people I’ve known. You raised me in an environment that encouraged me to be the same.
Dear mom, I know you wish you could have done things differently. You even told me so. You say you think you’ve messed me up in some way—or at least you hope you haven’t. Listen when I tell you that you haven’t. Hear me when I say there was never a better job done. You have never treated me as your property. You have never shielded me from the world unless completely necessary, giving me a realistic view of everything around me. My opinions were created from a deeper understanding and a healthy amount of introspection. Our company hasn’t always been orthodox, but it’s given me the ability to empathize. You’ve raised me in both worlds: the proper and private community of the upper tiers of the hierarchy, and the casual yet industrious, practical “hood.”
Dear mom, I need you to know that I’ve never needed more than just you. I need you to know that those tears I cried when I received the news my father was dead this past August, they were not for him. They were not for me, for the life I could have potentially had if he had been the proper father. I never want you to think that I long for something more, that you aren’t enough. You have given me more than I have needed.
Dear Mom, I’ve only ever wanted to make you proud. My drive to do well comes from the feeling of failure that results from disappointing you. You’ve given me everything, and while I know it’s impossible to repay you, I would like to try. Know that your opinion is held in the highest regard and you in the highest respect.
So dear Mom, thank you. You are my mother, my father, my friend, my guide. Your strength is valued. Your drive is inspiring. You are the best this world has to offer. I am better for having known you.
In the words of Tupac Shakur:
I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day
Everything will be alright if ya hold on
It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
And dear mom, you are appreciated
