#devsong

[phpbard]

The Real Stars: DevOps

To the tune of Stars, from Les Miserables.

There, deep in my logs, A rogue instance failing. Gone from my cluster; Gone from Terraform state. I check all the blogs. I can't find the “Why” Till I ask my teammate, And my ego deflate.

They know their way in the Cloud. Mine is the way of the code. Those who follow the path of DevOps, They sure have a tough road. And when nodes fail as this server failed, Their phones start to explode!

DevOps, a rare breed, it’s true. Scaling software Automated through config, only they can write. I need those engineers, Speedy and smart, Keeping watch in the night, Making sure things work right.

They know the commands to run. They know which logs must be read. And when problems arise (and they will), They will keep a straight head. And when nodes fail as my servers fail, It won’t be so widespread!

And so I say "thanks", because it’s thankless, When they save me from my own mistakes. And those that think that they always know better Will have the headaches!

Before I break things, Help me to make things That don't cause alarms. Then they might find rest, And then there’ll be time To vacation afar!

[phpbard]

Why Don’t We Rewrite the Code?

To the tune of Rewrite the Stars, from the Greatest Showman.

You know I want to. It's not a secret I try to hide, But you don’t want me (to). You keep saying it’s not worth a try, Just look in our backlog. If we don’t add these stories now, We probably never will. Let’s take action, less talk. Let’s get started right now, oh wow, Before this goes downhill.

What if we rewrite the code? We know that the tech debt’s too high. Throw out all this stuff that is old. We’d be the heroes, yes, you and I. It’s up to you, and it’s up to me, We won’t even tell anybody. So why don’t we rewrite this code? We could just do it in Node, Tonight.

You think it’s easy? You think I don’t want to do it too? But there is logic, And tribal knowledge not known to you. I know you’re wondering why, Because our new code is so Easy, you'll see, It won’t take long. Cause if you give this a try, In a week, you will know That you were horribly wrong.

No one can rewrite this code. I don’t want to be the bad guy. There aren’t enough tests in the world To cover the smells that we will find. It’s not up to you; it’s not up to me. Our boss won’t approve something this carefree. How could we rewrite this code? Don’t you dare try to be this bold Tonight.

All I want is to pair with you, And build something cool with you. So just let me see this through. It feels impossible (it’s not impossible) Is it impossible? Say that it’s possible!

Why don’t we rewrite this code? We won’t really know ‘till we try. Create new abstractions and flows. We’ll both optimize and simplify! It’s up to you, and it’s up to me. And even though it won’t come for free, Come on let’s rewrite this code, Reduce our cognitive load…

You know I want to. It’s not a secret I try to hide. But I can’t let you. Things will break and deadlines will slide.

[phpbard]

You're Doin' Git!

Written and performed by Jeremy Lindblom at php[tek] 2014

git help, config, and init. remote, fetch, pull, let's edit. diff, add, status, commit. you're doin' git.

log, branch, checkout, that's it! checkout, merge, rebase, don't quit. clean, reset, tag, push those bits! you're doin' git! you're doin' git.

fork and clone all the repos you know, submit pull requests, you'll steal the git show. you're doin' git. you're doin' git. you're doing it! check git blame and see your username. hope you ran the tests before your commit, or your friends will think you're an idiot. you're doin' git. you're doin' git. you're doin' git. you're doin' git.

exit.

[phpbard]

A little song about Swagger in the middle of my Laracon 2016 presentation.

[phpbard]

Jeremy Lindblom - We're in the Gitlog at PNWPHP '15

We're In The Git Log, a parody of We Are The Champions (by Queen). Lyrics previously posted. Sung by Jeremy Lindblom (@jeremeamia). Filmed by Phil Sturgeon at the 2015 Pacific Northwest PHP Conference social event.